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Aibu - to think that dh missing his appointment is not my fault?!

(55 Posts)
makingacupoftea Sat 03-Sep-16 23:11:11

My dh had an appointment for an mri I wrote it on the calendar and reminded him the day before . He forgot to leave work and missed it. He has been blaming me because I didn't call to remind him. I just don't see how this is my fault - I was busy and I assumed he would leave!

Aibu am I ?

neonrainbow Sat 03-Sep-16 23:12:27

You know you're not. Why post?

mummydarkling Sat 03-Sep-16 23:12:44

No you are not BU. Tell him to get an alert on his phone or his outlook account at work.

tofutti Sat 03-Sep-16 23:13:39

YANBU. You are not his mother. Do you usually organise his appointments for him? I would stop remidning him of any appointments.

LagunaBubbles Sat 03-Sep-16 23:14:17

You're his wife, not his Mum and he's not a child. A grown adult should be capable of managing their own appointments.

makingacupoftea Sat 03-Sep-16 23:14:41

Thanks I posted because I really don't know anymore whether I am unreasonable or not.

pictish Sat 03-Sep-16 23:15:36

No you are bloody not being unreasonable.
What a self indulgent baby he is. Get a grip man.

LagunaBubbles Sat 03-Sep-16 23:16:15

Is there other issues then by the sounds of it?

midcenturymodern Sat 03-Sep-16 23:17:41

Was it on his brain? (only a little bit joking - if he is under investigation for a memory or processing problem then I see his point. If it's a broken wrist then not so much)

JacquettaWoodville Sat 03-Sep-16 23:17:49

What Laguna said.

He is being very unreasonable and it's worrying you can't see this.

Does he blame you for other thing?

kurlique Sat 03-Sep-16 23:20:39

Why? Why are men incapable of managing their own diaries?? Drives me potty that I constantly have to remind DH of forthcoming events though generally he remembers things are just about him (however he did forget an opticians appt the other week) - and why does he look blankly at me when I mention things that are imminent and I have already mentioned to him at least twice? He also loses the ability to read road signs when I am in the car😤 YANBU... He needs to get a grip! (And use his phone to remind him!)

makingacupoftea Sat 03-Sep-16 23:21:14

Mid no it's on his hip grinhis brain is fully functional !

I don't think he blames me for a lot but he just likes things his own way and so he has decided this is my fault I think. He is refusing to rebook it for some reason even though he is in pain and keeps reminding me of the fact confused

sandgrown Sat 03-Sep-16 23:25:40

I have one of those Kirl. So annoying !

SanityClause Sat 03-Sep-16 23:26:29

I find shrugging and saying "suit yourself" works on this kind of guilt tripping.

JacquettaWoodville Sat 03-Sep-16 23:26:31


It's up to you if you don't want to rebook. Since this is your choice, I do not wish to hear any more about the pain you are in, as you have chosen not to try and fix this. If and when you do rebook, I will not write it on the calendar or remind you, so it is clear to you that full responsibility for booking and attending lies with you. This seems like a far better system than the one where you blame me for your own actions."

gleam Sat 03-Sep-16 23:27:03

YANBU, of course.

Do you think he's frightened of what it might reveal? I wondered this when I went for an MRI - 3 out of 4 patients weren't turning up, according to the nurse.

StopMakingMeLogOn Sat 03-Sep-16 23:28:06

Let the stupid bugger be in pain then. He is cutting off his nose to spite his face. As said already, you are not his mother and he is not a child!

Not sure if you are interested but there is a thread over on the feminism board about why women still feel guilt and responsibility for stuff like this, which is clearly not our fault but we are conditioned to take the blame for.

My advice is to tell him to get a grip and that you don't wish to hear another word about this, seeing as he won't do anything about it and would prefer to play the kartyr.

StopMakingMeLogOn Sat 03-Sep-16 23:28:43

Martyr, even grin

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Sat 03-Sep-16 23:29:42

Bizarre. Is he normally like this? If not please get him to a doctor, his behaviour is NOT normal.

If he's usually like this then why are you still with him? confused

pictish Sat 03-Sep-16 23:32:10

Awww does he just like things his own way? Bless him and his taking his shit out on you. What can you do eh?

Lollyp333 Sat 03-Sep-16 23:33:45

He's an idiot. He's not a kid and need to takes responsibility for his own life!

Birdsgottafly Sat 03-Sep-16 23:34:09

Unless it's Private, we're all paying for him not to be able to organise himself.

People are waiting for MRI's for life threatening conditions, him throwing the appointment away is something he should feel ashamed about.

Planty18 Sat 03-Sep-16 23:34:11

Yanbu. He is an adult and it is his responsibility so yes, as a pp said, I would stop enabling the behaviour by writing his stuff on the calendar and reminding him.
I once read an article on the default parent. I made my husband read it as I totally identified with it - I am the default parent. He totally agreed that I was. You sound like the default parent, even if you don't have kids. If you google it I'm sure you'll identify with it too.
I would maybe have reminded my husband about it as you did purely by way of wishing him luck with it (and because he really hasn't got a good memory, but he readily admits that so uses his phone to set alerts etc). Also, if he missed something he would tell me and be annoyed at himself and embarrassed and calling the place to apologise, certainly not giving me a hard time.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 03-Sep-16 23:35:59

Why did you write it on the calendar and remind him, like it was your responsibility? Weird. Are you his mum?

SharonfromEON Sat 03-Sep-16 23:36:34

What JacquettaWoodville said?

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