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dd 22 at home - am on hols aibu concerned

(101 Posts)
mrsfuzzy Fri 02-Sep-16 19:45:41

this sounds silly but i'm concerned about her being at home whilst we are on holiday, has missed out on college this year, [didn't get her student loan sorted in time] and will be working usual two days a week, [not likely to get extra hours], she will be staying at her nans [she's elderly] but in the past has spent more time at home than at nans whilst we are away. she is bright but very scatterbrain, doesn't lock the front door behind her, leaves windows open when she goes out - you get the picture, her sibs will be a college/ school so are out during the day. have had problems in the past when she has come back and her sibs were out and we were away. a friend came round, they went out locked themselves out and had to climb through the open kitchen window !
in the past she has been at college whilst we've been away so we've pretty much known what has been happening as a sib has usually been at home, so this time is an unknown quantity. nan is housebound and there is noone we can ask to check discreetly on things. it is putting me off going and my dh, although concerned is getting irritated with dd [hasn't told her] and, understandably a bit with me.
i need to get a grip or better still get some advice, feel quite stressed but please tell me if ibu about my concerns, but they are very real. i don't want to go on holiday because of this now.

AnyFucker Fri 02-Sep-16 19:47:26

She is 22 ?

Yes, it sounds silly.

Bubblebloodypop Fri 02-Sep-16 19:48:09

I'm 22, in my own home with my own child. She will honestly be fine.

ilovesooty Fri 02-Sep-16 19:48:48

A NT 22 year old? I think she ought to be able to be responsible.

PanGalacticGargleBlaster Fri 02-Sep-16 19:49:13


Let her get on with it. Have a nice holiday.

QueenArya Fri 02-Sep-16 19:49:39

I'm 23 currently sat in my own rented flat...chill out!

WorraLiberty Fri 02-Sep-16 19:49:49

Why hasn't your DH told your DD he's getting irritated with her?

BarbarianMum Fri 02-Sep-16 19:50:17

What exactly is it you are worried about, her safety or that of your house? Does she have special needs?

Rumpelstiltskin143 Fri 02-Sep-16 19:50:29

She's 22 but if she's that irresponsible take her key. She can stay at her Nan's, there's no need for her to come home.

PurpleDaisies Fri 02-Sep-16 19:50:38

Seriously? She's 22. Surely she is/will be living independently. Does she have issues you haven't mentioned in your op?

Thefitfatty Fri 02-Sep-16 19:51:54

I was living in my own falt in South Korea. 23 hours away from family. She'll be fine

WorraLiberty Fri 02-Sep-16 19:52:27

If any adult staying in my home kept forgetting to lock doors/windows - therefore invalidating the insurance, I certainly wouldn't be chilling out either confused

Then again, I'd take their key away and tell them they'll be staying with Nan or a friend or someone until they can learn to be responsible.

mrsfuzzy Fri 02-Sep-16 19:52:55

any yes it does sound silly and bubble i'm not convinced as i said in my post, she is scatter brain, front door is left unlocked if she goes out and windows are left open, ground floor in particular, she's forever losing her keys, has hair brained ideas about everything and acts like a 14 year old at times, her younger sibs are more mature in a lot of respects ! i'm worried !!

CurlyhairedAssassin Fri 02-Sep-16 19:53:39

I would be more concerned about your daughter's apparent total lack of maturity at the age of 22 than what's going to happen to your house when you go on holiday. You've got major problems if she's so disorganised that she can't go to college this year because she didn't sort her student loan in time. WTF?!

Time for her to move out I think and learn a few life lessons!!

Gmbk Fri 02-Sep-16 19:54:41

She's 22. How has she been mollycoddled this much?

I lived 150 miles away from home at 22

WorraLiberty Fri 02-Sep-16 19:55:26

What are the consequences for the unlocked doors/windows/forgetting keys etc?

mrsfuzzy Fri 02-Sep-16 19:56:08

worra thank you! there are no special needs etc, she doesn't think that's the problem, in many ways she's a bit immature, and yes, i'm concerned for the security of the house ffs, sorry i don't want to be aggressive but this is not a trival matter.

Heidi41 Fri 02-Sep-16 19:56:51

mrsfuzzy I have one just like this at home and yes I would be worried about leaving her alone at my home while I was on holiday. I don't quite know what you can do except keep phoning and texting her to remind/nag her to behave I sympathise my dear

BarbarianMum Fri 02-Sep-16 19:57:25

If she's that bad I'd take her key off her for the duration tbh.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Fri 02-Sep-16 19:57:30

I had my own house and 2 kids at 22!!

Thefitfatty Fri 02-Sep-16 19:57:34

Are you sure she isn't ADHD?

Heidi41 Fri 02-Sep-16 19:58:04

You could lock all the windows and take /hide the keys with you

mrsfuzzy Fri 02-Sep-16 19:58:31

gm certainly never been mollycoddled, i've always encouraged dc to do their thing, she is the only one that is the concern. the others i could leave for six months with no concerns at all.

Beeziekn33ze Fri 02-Sep-16 19:58:31

Give her a check list of your biggest concerns, keys, doors, windows etc., and stick a copy inside the front door. Tell her that her being a security risk is spoiling your anticipation of your holiday.
She's less of an excusable scatterbrain and more of a nightmare liability. She may be bright but needs to develop common sense and take responsibility.

Heidi41 Fri 02-Sep-16 19:58:42

but what about a risk if there is a fire oh I am making it worse I will stfu

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