More of a wwyd. Feckless finances.

(8 Posts)
choccywoccywoowah Fri 02-Sep-16 18:15:54

So OH is self employed tradesman. Amazing at his job but not so good at the business side- dyslexia being one reason.
He had a 7k tax bill, which he had been ignoring, despite my repeated help/encouragement/ranting/crying. Eventually came to a head and a relative lent him 5k (no rush loan - close wealthy family member) to pay some off with the intention of setting up a payment plan for the rest.

So after this, I organised books for him to write down all his payments from jobs, set up an account for him to put his current tax in so it's there when it's due. I also told him to put 1000 in the bank each month to cover bills and use cash for day to day stuff like petrol etc. He struggles to control a bank account - is all over the place with payments, lives off overdraft, doesn't know when bills are coming out (despite me writing them in the book).
Today I was doing an income and expenditure for his tax debt to give to HMRC so they can tell him what he needs to pay each month. I logged on to his online banking and it's £1000 overdrawn and he has clearly been taking stuff out - money for materials, petrol etc despite knowing he only put in enough to cover the bills. Additionally there are charges too. All this, and he has 1000 cash in the house from an unusually big job that he wanted 'to save for holiday!' Unbelievable. I don't understand why he would not communicate - I have money in my bank I can give him if he needed petrol etc rather than accruing charges and missed payments.

We go on holiday in two weeks, paid for last year with a university award I was given for good grades. His family have hinted that I should have given him some too pay off part of his debt. Call me stubborn but why should I? It was accrued partly from before we met!

I understand he really struggles with finances and dyslexia but when I am here to help him, spending ages planning and doing income and expenditures, this feels like an insult.

I am a student and to top it all off, his income has risen 500 since last year which apparently equates to a 2500 drop in childcare funding, despite our income still being extremely low. So I might have to quit unless I can get a hardship payment from uni.

Please be kind - so fragile today.

He is a loving partner and father but does not take on board any financial advice. I have asked him to work for a firm but he doesn't want to work away or the inflexibility that it brings.

I am feeling this may be the end of us.

harderandharder2breathe Fri 02-Sep-16 18:25:55

Yanbu because you are trying to support him and help him with something he struggles with and he's choosing to ignore it which has serious consequences for you both

Sorry, no advice cause you've already done everything I can think of!

Cocochoco Fri 02-Sep-16 18:30:20

Whatever else happens is be careful about joining finances with him

RubbleBubble00 Fri 02-Sep-16 18:30:35

Would he be happy for you to take control of banking completely? He leaves bank card in house and just give him cash?

RubbleBubble00 Fri 02-Sep-16 18:34:05

I set dh up with an account with just cash card that can't go overdrawn. His money goes in there for spending and everything else goes into another account that I have the card for. I manage bill account and has to deal with his cash account.

It took him a while to get used to it but he cannot organise money at all

RubbleBubble00 Fri 02-Sep-16 18:36:26

I could plan dh stuff til cows come home. Write it out, explain it but he can't stick to it. He poss has adhd so is very impulsive and struggles with any form or organisation

choccywoccywoowah Fri 02-Sep-16 18:43:41

I will mention me taking over the banking. I rang a debt charity too which advised not banking with a bank you have debt with but unsure how to go about setting up a new one as because he constantly lives in his over draft, if he transferred bills to a cash card account there would be no money to pay them as it's like being a month behind iyswim?

Damia Fri 02-Sep-16 20:29:33

If it was me I would set up a business account which client money goes into, and work expenses go out from. Maybe another account to save for things which cost money like repairs to van if he has one, or if he has a shop, or whatever, tax bills etc so it doesn't come as a shock. Set up DD for that every week/month. Then he/you should have a separate account for personal things where you transfer any profits each week/month, have all his bills go out the same day/day after of his personal stuff, then he will have a figure he can spend on whatever he likes probably as cash

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