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AIBU to call DD's bluff over food battles and let her starve?? (A bit)

(100 Posts)
MomOfMoo Fri 02-Sep-16 17:00:27

So DD's latest 'thing' is hunger strike. She's 4 and she's been playing this game for a couple of weeks and it's EVERY time I ask anything of her.

"If you make me do that/tidy up/go there/get dressed, then I'm not going to eat my breakfast/lunch/dinner."

Today, I called her bluff and told her to carry on and starve. I ate normally and didn't even offer her anything. She made it all the way to 3:00pm having had only a handful of strawberries and a glass of milk for breakfast before she caught a whiff of my delicious sausage sandwich and caved. She polished off my sandwich, then one of her own, and then helped herself to yoghurt and fruit out of the fridge.

Told DH what I'd done (maybe feeling a little bit proud of my small achievement) and he was horrified that I'd let her go all that time without food. I like to think she's learned a lesson.

Am I monster?? Does anybody else's delightful 4yo have any of these sassy little quirks? Tell me I'm not alone!

lastqueenofscotland Fri 02-Sep-16 17:02:53

I don't think YANBU but I can't abide fussiness whereas half of MN seems to enable it

IfartInYourGeneralDirection Fri 02-Sep-16 17:03:19

Well she chose To go so long without food. YANBU

Wildberryprincess Fri 02-Sep-16 17:04:06

Really?
It sounds very silly. I would have offered her lunch as usual and ignored it if she ate nothing.

PurpleWithRed Fri 02-Sep-16 17:04:24

Brilliant lesson in consequences and in her learning how much you respect people's promises. DH is being ridiculous - you didn't 'let her starve', you gave her food. Go you.

MadHattersWineParty Fri 02-Sep-16 17:04:45

YANBU- she told you she wasn't going to eat any food, you didn't withhold it from her.

TweenageAngst Fri 02-Sep-16 17:05:54

I did the same thing, this is not a restaurant you can't order off menu' you eat what is provided or you go hungry. My lot will eat pretty much everything now.

MinnowAndTheBear Fri 02-Sep-16 17:06:33

I would be raging if my nearly 4 year old spoke to me like that! YANBU. Next time I think I would be imposing a different consequence, however.

OrsonWellsHat Fri 02-Sep-16 17:06:36

You didn't starve her, she ate when she was hungry, not a bad thing really smile

PragmaticWench Fri 02-Sep-16 17:06:39

I think not putting any food out for her was a bit childish. It'd be more effective when she says that she's not going to eat to just shrug and say 'okay', put the food out and don't comment if she eats it or not. Make out you don't care at all!

I have a DD with extreme picky eating, to the extent she's been seen by a specialist consultant team at Addenbrookes. It's easy to go down a slippery slope towards that and I wouldn't wish it on anyone tbh.

StarlingMurmuration Fri 02-Sep-16 17:06:46

She'll eat when she's hungry.

Arfarfanarf Fri 02-Sep-16 17:08:01

I think you were right to say fair enough thats your choice

You were wrong to not offer anything

It would have been best to say that's fine, if you dont want to eat thats your choice but you will do X. So get to it.

Then when the meal time comes prepare and serve it as usual.

If she refuses it, take it away without comment.

But witholding the food - which not offering really was doing. By not preparing food for a 4 yr old it really was no different to witholding imo, , was imo the wrong thing.

SaucyJack Fri 02-Sep-16 17:08:33

You didn't let her go without food or starve her. She chose not to eat because she was being a little madam.

End of as far as I'm concerned.

Gizlotsmum Fri 02-Sep-16 17:09:26

I'd probably have got her lunch ready and then she would have had that to eat when she was hungry ( have done this with ds)

AlMinzerAndHisPyramidOfDogs Fri 02-Sep-16 17:09:48

YANBU.
I would have done the same.
I wouldn't let any 4 year old speak to me like that.

WorraLiberty Fri 02-Sep-16 17:10:18

Why did you give her your sandwich? I certainly wouldn't have given her mine.

I would make it clear in future that if she refuses to eat certain meals (to punish you), she'll have to wait until the next meal to eat anything.

She'll soon get fed up of that.

Shallishanti Fri 02-Sep-16 17:13:30

did she do the thing you asked her to?
If so, YWNBU provided the food was available to her if she wanted it.
PPs are right, you need to be indifferent as to whether she eats or not. The fact that she is trying to wind you up with this 'threat' suggests she knows it pushes your buttons. Provided food is on offer, she won't starve.

It does have to be on offer though!

diddl Fri 02-Sep-16 17:16:47

So presumably she had to do something that she didn't want to do, & then ate when she wanted to?

Ninasimoneinthemorning Fri 02-Sep-16 17:17:42

minnow raging? Really ?

op I've never made a fuss over food - I would have done the same as you. I wouldn't have been able to resist a sausage butty either grin

MomOfMoo Fri 02-Sep-16 17:18:39

I've been doing the 'ok it's there if you want it' thing for a couple of days and it wasn't working so stepped it up a notch today.

There's always food available to her, she'll help herself to snacks if she wants them. I just didn't prepare a meal for her because I'm tired of it going to waste. Even gave her the old "kids starving in Africa" line. (Two lessons learned).

eightbluebirds Fri 02-Sep-16 17:20:23

You can't force feed her. Just pay it no attention and make extras at meal times just incase (put leftovers in fridge if she's being stubborn) Just say you're not playing her games and if she wants food it's there. But maybe I'm a mean mum!

Poocatcherchampion Fri 02-Sep-16 17:20:33

This is bizarre.

Don't you just laugh when kids make crazy threats? Alright then love, now crack on with whatever ive just asked of you..?

And then just carry on.

She threatened not to eat and you withheld a meal. Unless she normally gets her own lunch?

Are you finding parenting difficult at this stage?

BlueberrySky Fri 02-Sep-16 17:23:01

YANBU

You were not starving her, she said she was not going to eat so you took her at her word, till she changed her mind and asked for food. Then you gave it to her.

I expect she will think twice about saying she is not going to eat next time.

RiverTam Fri 02-Sep-16 17:24:49

I'm not sure I quite get this. Has food often been a battle or been used as a stick or carrot? Because that seems odd that she is in effect doing that.

I'm not sure what point has been proved by doing what you did. Next time you ask her to tidy or whatever she'll just come up with something else.

Jessbow Fri 02-Sep-16 17:28:13

Did she get dressed/tidy up or whatever it was you'd asked?

''if you make me get dressed I wont eat my dinner'' sounds like she
Should have got dressed and you just shrug when she wont eat.

do you have on going eating battles? I wonder why she chooses to refuse food. As the weapon?

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