Don't get me wrong I know that families aren't easy and I relate that very few families are like the ones you see in the movies. Getting on 24/7, no fall outs, bending I've backwards to help each other etc. But still, I can't help feel disappointed as upset, mainly with my parents, brother and two sisters. I'll stop rambling and explain.
So I'm married, we have three children, two daughters and one son. My ds who's almost 7 was diagnosed with high functioning autism, sensory processing disorder and dyspraxia just over a month ago. I can't tell you how much of a relief it was to get the diagnosis after battling for 4 years to be heard. Don't get me wrong nothing has changed at home, we still have the challenging behaviour daily and we are are all struggling to cope.
Our ds is absolutely beautiful and can be the most loving happy boy but he's also very aggressive, impulsive, hyper etc and whilst he's better than some kids who have his condition, in that I can nip to the loo in peace and get on with a bit of housework here and there, he still needs to be watched almost all of the time. He will sit and watch a bit of TV or play on his iPad but it's not usually for long.
So the day we received his diagnosis I let my parents know who were relieved and showed it in their own way I suppose (they're not big on showing emotions) as well as my two sisters who basically just said oh that's great it must be a relief and they hadn't mentioned it since. My brother, well he's a man so I didn't really expect much from him but to be fair he gave me a hug and came round with a bottle of wine when ds was asleep and we had a good chat.
But recently I've realised that my mum dad and both my sisters just don't give a damn, and if they do well they don't show it. My parents know how much me and my dh are struggling yet they never offer to help out. It was my birthday recently (a big one) and I "celebrated it" by being slapped in the face by my son, having my birthday cake thrown on the floor (that my daughters had made) and in general being screamed at. They knew me and my dh were desperate to go out for a meal just to get some alone time, as the last time we went out together alone was four years ago. But they didn't offer to babysit, not even for an hour or so. But to be fair them not babysitting isn't the main issue as I'm used to it really but the fact that they don't acknowledge that me and my dh are struggling and that I myself am feeling extremely down lately, well it's a horrible feeling. They expect me to paint this huge smile on my face every time I see them when deep down I'm sinking. They expect favours down for them and other family members at the drop of a hat and I think they just assume I can do it because all my kids are at school (I'm a sahm).
My sisters, well one practically reduced to acknowledge my ds's diagnosis and I'm convinced she believes he is just a naughty spoiled child. My other sister, who I'm usually closer to lives in her own little world at the minute. She is a drama queen and makes problems were there aren't any and will then moan that her life is exhausting and that she struggles with her kids. Now whilst I acknowledge everyone needs to vent (especially us parents) she is very selfish and on the odd time I've needed her support and just a shoulder to cry on I've gone to her house and sat there just to be told how hard her life is and she completely refuses to acknowledge how much I'm genuinely struggling. I know this sounds ridiculous but it's like everything is a competition for her and she likes to play top trumps ie who has it worse, it's rather ridiculous to be honest.
The thing is they will all come visit us and see our three kids but they are always short visits and me and dh feel like they are doing it out of duty rather rhan they actually want to be here.
I just lol at my parents and my sisters and they are all the same. Too engrossed in their own lives to see what is going on around them and to see that me and my dh are on the verge of a breakdown. I don't moan excessively to them as there's no point in it as nothing will change ge but Aibu to just expect some support?
AIBU?
To feel disappointed in my family at this particularly difficult time
Loumar82 · 02/09/2016 15:19
My parents and sister are similar to yours. They show little to no interest in my life. I have been detaching from my parents emotionally for the last few years but I was still in touch with my sister and really tried to be supportive to her with whatever she had going on - listening, remembering to ask how things were going etc. It almost never gets reciprocated. She's just not remotely interested. So now I need to detach from her too 
You have my utmost sympathy though because it really hurts. It sounds like you don't want much from them, just a bit of decency and kindness. Its not too much to expect from your family. However, as you and I are learning the very hard way, families don't always work out that way.
I would never ever share any of this with my family because it would play into their vision of me as an unhinged drama queen who can't be trusted. There's absolutely no hope that anything will change or get any better. Its very sad and I feel very depressed about it at times. So I get it and I understand why you feel so let down by them
They do sound hopeless. Have you got as far as joining any local or national charities or support groups? I bet there are leaflets for extended family on how to support and what to expect. I reckon they are scared of his behaviours and there fore avoid but perhaps you could try to include them so that slowly they gain confidence and might, in time even feel confident to look after him alone for short periods.
In the meantime surround yourself with people who do get it. The SN boards here, local groups etc. Investigate claiming dla for him and get help from CAB with the forms. If you are successful you can buy some respite care. You may also be able to get support from your local children's services if you ask for an assessment.
It's all new and daunting but ask for help,mint is there but perhaps not where you are looking. 
I had 3 sons with dyspraxia and one with a diagnosis of autism and dyspraxia so I know how you feel. 
My own family's support was limited as some of the time, we were over 150 miles away and when, in old age my dad moved nearer, he was great but it was always limited (no babysitting etc) as unfortunately my mum was long dead and I had a rather unpleasant stepmother, who would limit dad's involvement. (Jealous as she had no grandkids).
My husband's parents had gone the extra mile for his sister who had kids very young so by the time we got round to it, in our 30s, my MIL literally looked me in the eye and had the nerve to say "We're too old to be grandparents" (wtf?)
I don't think we got an hour's babysitting out of them, or any help of any other kind. And yet my husband's nephew and niece would have died of starvation if they hadn't helped his sister as they were always buying her weekly shop, looking after her kids, etc...
We just go on with it, I'm afraid and for many years simply stopped all our out of the house hobbies, and one of us mighthold the fort so the other could go out but essentially, we had no help, no childcare, nothing from family. It was tough. But I do look back now and am secretly pleased we got through without the help.
Families aren't what they were. I think my family would have been fine if my dad hadn't introduced an outsider who was very, er troubled, into the fold. But my husband's family literally refused to help us out, ever. And it annoyed me at the time but now I just look back and think sod you, then.
Don't mean to be offensive in any way but I'd like to add - as someone who's been there - reading your post my first thought, esp re, siblings, was "They're clamming up because they've gone right into denial". Dyspraxia is often genetic. To admit your sister's kids have dyspraxia, is to admit your's could have...
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Just an idea - you mention that your Dad is willing to help with money, so is it worth saying for your next birthday you'd like your present from your parents to be money for a babysitter? DH and I both come from very difficult families, so you really do have my heartfelt sympathy
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