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AIBU?

To not want strangers to cuddle my baby?

35 replies

kimmy726 · 01/09/2016 19:56

It seems lately that every time I am at the ships someone will come over and pay a compliment to my daughter (6nonths old). That's fine and lovely. But they then follow it up with, 'oh let's have a cuddle'. This will be complete strangers, shop assistants, Tesco staff are the worst. I always say no, as I don't want a stranger holding my child, whether she's crying or not, as

I have no idea if they are I'll or 2) if they will drop her(she's v wriggly).
AIBU to always decline? I'm totally fine with friends and family playing/holding Her, I just don't want strangers (who I won't see again) to pass on any colds or accidentally drop/hurt her!
X

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kimmy726 · 01/09/2016 19:56

Shops!! Not ships lol

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VikingLady · 01/09/2016 19:59

I understand, though you'll probably get a lot of people telling you you're being precious.

Lie and say she's got a bug, or pukes a lot, or doesn't like strangers? It's what I did with mine!

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kimmy726 · 01/09/2016 20:02

DD is my rainbow baby, we lost her sister (30 weeks, stillbirth) a year ago so I'm still grieving so I guess more sensitive than most.

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Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 01/09/2016 20:03

Say of course they can but you are just off to change her as she has poo - ed!!!

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EvansAndThePrince · 01/09/2016 20:04

I actually think it's time to break out the mumsnet "No is a complete sentence". Nobody has the right to take your child against your wishes. It drove me mad when DD was younger, people seem to think that they have a right to touch and hold babies without consent. You don't need excuses, just say "No."

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3littlebadgers · 01/09/2016 20:14

Kimmy I understand completely. DS is my rainbow baby too, my dd was stillborn at 40+5 last year.

When I went for my last appointment with the maternity psychologist, after DS was born, she came out to the waiting room to get me. She asked me if I would like her to carry anything, so I asked her 'bag or baby?'

She was surprised I let her have the baby, and then was so gentle and slow carrying him for my benefit. I think it is totally expected for mothers in our position to be reluctant to give our rainbows over.

I am ok with people having a cuddle now though. I have sort of convinced myself that he is here to bring joy to us all after the sadness of the past year, and so I am happy to share that. I do however have to keep checking that he is alive hen they do so.

I think there will always be that little bit of us that will stay on edge. Congratulations on your rainbow and I am so sorry about your precious angel

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PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 01/09/2016 20:15

I don't think it has anything to do with being sensitive. Why would a stranger think you would hand over your child to them? That's very strange. I got annoyed when someone randomly walked up and touched DD today (6months also). i will probably be told that IAU though.

Sorry on your loss last year

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kimmy726 · 01/09/2016 21:44

Evans - thanks! I need to be more straight to the point ( without being rude lol) and just say no.

3littlebadgers - I am sorry for your loss DD has brought much joy for sure, as your little one is. That's good you are at ease with it. Xxx

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VikingLady · 01/09/2016 22:17

I can see that losing a baby previously would have the potential to make you more wary of letting go of your new baby; I do think it's totally normal for any new mother to dislike handing them over though.

I've never been so aware of myself as a mammal as immediately post birth! If anyone else other than DH held DD she smelt funny when I got her back. We're all animals.

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toffeeboffin · 01/09/2016 22:21

Just say no.

Or practice your resting bitch face and stop chatting in Tescis.

sorry for your loss.

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toffeeboffin · 01/09/2016 22:21

Tescos.

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Oysterbabe · 01/09/2016 22:23

I would say no without a second thought. Not that any random strangers have asked to hold DD. That's odd behaviour no?

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londonrach · 01/09/2016 22:29

Lol. I had a really bad day a few days ago (lack of sleep, vvvv newborn). Needs must as i needed shopping i managed to get to tesco. Ive never felt so special and left feeling alot lighter. The staff and customers coo-ed and sorry op in one case cuddled baby london (member of staff who asked as baby london cried whilst i paid). I had help offered in shopping and tesco staff carried shopping to car and packed bags! Place i will return to when feeling tried out again!! Must be a tesco thing. Wonder if happen to waitrose!!! Sorry for your loss op. x

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DavidPuddy · 01/09/2016 22:36

I have to say I don't mind. My baby loves people, even now she is 8 months and starting to get a little shy. It makes her happy and it makes the stranger happy.

We took her to Northern Cyprus at the age of 5 months and she thrived off the attention she got. Cypriot and Turkish people love babies and the whole atmosphere was just really nice.

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confuugled1 · 01/09/2016 23:57

Say 'No, thank you, but we're fine, I don't want to disturb her at the moment'.

By the time the other people have been stopped in their tracks wondering why you said thank you, you'll have had a chance to shift away slightly and hold onto her more tightly and it will be much more difficult for them to ask again, particularly as by deliberately answering a slightly different question to the one you were asked, they would have to say they want to disturb her and that's not really something you do - whereas I'm assuming that when they asked they were more asking along the lines of 'please can I have a cuddle' - conveniently ignoring your dd's state, it was all to do with them getting the cuddle they wanted...

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NameOfUser · 02/09/2016 00:07

Yanbu. At all.

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PeachBellini123 · 02/09/2016 08:21

Just say no you have every right too. However some mums are comfortable with strangers holding their babies. I once asked a woman at the station who was struggling with luggage, a pram and her young baby, if she needed help. Was surprised when she gratefully handed me the baby - I meant with the luggage! Anyway I got a lovely cuddle and she was able to compose herself and sit down before I handed him back. Was just glad to be of help.

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Houseconfusion · 02/09/2016 08:27

So strange. I've on,y had this happy with Ddog as a puppy, never with DS now ten months. He must be Uhm not very cute? I lie. He is super cute!

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Houseconfusion · 02/09/2016 08:27

Happen. Not happy.

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SatsukiKusakabe · 02/09/2016 08:33

I find it a little odd strangers asking to hold your baby too, fine to say no IMO. Go very easy on yourself after what you have been through losing your dd, you don't need to feel pressured into anything you're not happy with. I'm so sorry for your loss

When my niece was little a woman just took her out of her mother's arms without asking, after striking up a conversation in a restaurant. I'll never forget the look on her face, she's a lovely person, but it was pure, wary mammal until the baby cried and she got her back. When I had my own dc I understood it completely.

I used to hate it if she was taken out of sight by a family member other than dh for the first six months I'd try not to let it show, but it was a very instinctive feeling which eased off gradually and naturally as the baby got older.

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KayTee87 · 02/09/2016 08:45

Yanbu - I think it's weird that they would even ask!

My son is a month old and I'm fed up with people kissing him and putting their fingers in his mouth (yes this happened!).

An acquaintance also took him out of his pram at 2 weeks old, without asking me, to cuddle him.

Also people visiting and they're so desperate to keep hold of him that they don't hand him back when he's screaming his head off.

Wtf is wrong with people, gives me the rage.

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KayTee87 · 02/09/2016 08:45

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AngelBlue12 · 02/09/2016 08:51

YANBU to not want people you don't know to cuddle her, I don't let strangers cuddle my babies.

BUT you are being PFB to say they might drop her because she is very wriggly

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LilyRose16 · 02/09/2016 08:58

YANBU. I've been far too polite for too long about people interacting with my DD, (6mo). I don't know what it is with children, they constantly touch her face and it drives me mad. I now tell other kids not to touch her face (she has really sensitive skin and breaks out in a rash at the drop of a hat). After the first 5 months of being super polite, I now say how I feel, be strong and stick to your guns

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SatsukiKusakabe · 02/09/2016 12:41

I don't think that is pfb - my mil dropped my baby a couple of times at around 4-6 months, both while sitting down, but one was off a sofa and I caught him, and she was perfectly trustworthy previously. A couple of people who have picked them up have not been prepared for how heavy they are and they've slipped down straight away. It's one thing if you're forging a bond with relatives, how do you know if a complete stranger isn't a dropper and why would you care to find out?