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To feel uncomfortable when my mother wolf whistles at my DD?

(72 Posts)
user1471552005 Thu 01-Sep-16 14:02:33

Just that really. DD is 16, and is often getting ready for dance class and wearing a leotard or shorts around the house. DM is elderly and will often give her a wolf whistle. She dis it to me as a teenager, and I remember feeling very self concscious. I have asked DD how she feels and she doesn't like it, but doesn't want to mention it to her gran and cause upset.
AIBU to feel it's a bit innapropriate?

Sorry for typos- new phone.

Enjoyingthepeace Thu 01-Sep-16 14:04:31

It's inappropriate because your daughter doesn't like it and feels uncomfortable. Period.

The fact the you felt uncomfortable as a child when your mother did this, and the fact that your daughter has admitted the same feeling to you, really does mean that you must speak with your mother. You just. You will be badly letting your daughter down if you don't.

sooperdooper Thu 01-Sep-16 14:06:17

I would've hated that too, just tell your dm to stop it

Pineappletastic Thu 01-Sep-16 14:08:01

I'd say something. Probably along the lines of 'Mum, can you not? It made me uncomfortable and it makes her uncomfortable.'

Did you ever say anything when she was doing it to you? She probably thinks it's a compliment.

user1471552005 Thu 01-Sep-16 14:08:12

Thanks, just interesting to get another perspective.
I have asked DM to stop in the past, but she doesn't think it's a problem. She is 84, , comes from a generation when a wolf whistle was a good thing, she sees it as a compliment.

PrivatePike Thu 01-Sep-16 14:09:35

Argh, I thought it was about a mother wolf.

user1471552005 Thu 01-Sep-16 14:09:35

I will speak to her again, she thinks it's all very lightweight. And No at 16 I would not have had the courage to ask her to stop.
I do now, though, for my DDs sake.

CurlyhairedAssassin Thu 01-Sep-16 14:10:13

Oh I read this as your wolf who is a mother whistles at your daughter. Confused doesn't come near it. I'll get my coat.

liz70 Thu 01-Sep-16 14:10:36

Ewww. I thought it was lecherous uncles that usually did anything like this, which is bad enough, but your own mother/your DD's grandmother? Wrong, wrong, wrong. Tell her to knock it on the head, or stay away.

CurlyhairedAssassin Thu 01-Sep-16 14:12:13

No different to people writing "wit woo" or whatever they write on people's FB photos. Isn't that supposed to be a wolf whistle written down?

That said, if she doesn't like her doing it, she only has to say, and you back her up.

PrivatePike Thu 01-Sep-16 14:12:28

Curly grin

MrBoot Thu 01-Sep-16 14:13:30

My older (by four years) sister would have done this infrequently when I 'dressed up' as a teen. She'd have been in uni at the time do probably the type of thing she and her uni friends did to each other. I know she did it as a form of complimenting me/trying to increase my self confidence <that or utterly taking the piss>.

It never made me uncomfortable but anything that makes anyone uncomfortable should be stopped in its tracks assp. I think you would be doing your daughter a disservice by not firmly stamping it out.

acasualobserver Thu 01-Sep-16 14:14:29

Does she do it really loudly, index and little finger in mouth style?

CurlyhairedAssassin Thu 01-Sep-16 14:14:39

My mum joke wolf whistles to my boys sometimes if they've got new clothes on and trying them for size or sonething. She says "give us a twirl" and they laugh and do it, and she wolf whistles. All very low key, I can't understand the angst really. confused

user1471552005 Thu 01-Sep-16 14:16:07

It's really helpful to get all angles on this.
My mother thinks I am being ridiculous, she feels she is giving a compliment.

AnnaMarlowe Thu 01-Sep-16 14:18:04

Curly but if in 10 years time your boys didn't laugh, and in fact felt uncomfortable and upset by the wolf whistle would you understand the angst then?

Pineappletastic Thu 01-Sep-16 14:22:04

Maybe getting your DD to reply with 'Eww, gran, only dirty perverts wolf-whistle these days!' would have more effect?

I dunno, my DM is 68 and I have an almost constant battle telling her we don't say racist/homophobic/sexist/sizist slurs these days, I'm not letting it go though.

Evergreen17 Thu 01-Sep-16 14:25:44

My mum has always done this to me. Hate it. If you can stop it could you please talk to my mum too?

meowli Thu 01-Sep-16 14:30:12

I genuinely don't think that very elderly people grew up with or are aware of the connotations that certain things carry nowadays. It will not have any sexual meaning to your dm - she'd probably be horrified at the thought.

If your dd doesn't like it, can't you just say to your dm that it has a much coarser meaning nowadays, and you'd rather she didn't do it. You could also reassure your dd, that it's her grandma's jokey way of saying "you look lovely".

liz70 Thu 01-Sep-16 14:44:32

"I genuinely don't think that very elderly people grew up with or are aware of the connotations that certain things carry nowadays."

hmm My DM (70) wouldn't dream of wolf whistling at my teenaged DDs 1 and 2. Nor would my DF (75), for that matter.

MolesBreathless Thu 01-Sep-16 14:53:55

I genuinely don't think that very elderly people grew up with or are aware of the connotations that certain things carry nowadays

I'm afraid I tend to agree with this. Not all very elderly people, but many of them, and far more than you would find in a younger cohort.

user1471552005 Thu 01-Sep-16 14:57:27

meowli- sadly I think it's true.

Jackie0 Thu 01-Sep-16 15:02:05

She's 84, I'd let it go to be honest.
Talk to your dd about different generations having different experiences of life.
It's a compassionate thing to make allowances for an 84 year old grandmother.

user1471552005 Thu 01-Sep-16 15:13:48

jackie - I think that's why I wanted to hear responses. I am not afraid of coming forward or speaking up to defend my kids, but she is elderly with quite a different mindset.
My OH hates the fact that she does it too, but doesn't think I should mention it to her.

3BagsFull Thu 01-Sep-16 15:21:34

I'm trying and failing to imagine an 84-year-old woman wolf-whistling. It's way too weird.
OP - regardless of her age, I'd ask her to stop.

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