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To think we're both in the wrong here?

(50 Posts)
SexLubeAndAFishSlice Thu 01-Sep-16 11:28:02

Every Wednesday I do the food shopping, and DH gives me his bank card. More often than not, I'll forget to give it back to him and he'll forget to ask for it. Apparently it's always my fault because I should remember to hand it back to him. He gets home from work at 4pm, 4pm on a weeknight is a pretty busy time for me, I've usually not long since been home from collecting DD from school and am about to start cooking tea. Handing over a bank card is not my priority. And he doesn't like me leaving it anywhere (which I do understand) because our DD is a magpie and often collects things which aren't hers under the guise of 'looking after it'.

I argue that although some of it is me, it's not just my fault, as it's HIS card and he should remember to ask for it back. He disagrees confused

And before you ask, no, we are not 12 wink although you can be forgiven for thinking otherwise grin

MaudGonneMad Thu 01-Sep-16 11:28:45

Why not get your own bank card,

MolesBreathless Thu 01-Sep-16 11:29:43

Forgive me for asking the obvious, but why don't you have your own card?

lcoc2015 Thu 01-Sep-16 11:30:25

I agree you should have your own bank card!

SexLubeAndAFishSlice Thu 01-Sep-16 11:32:02

Because it's his bank account. We have 3 current accounts between us, one each and a joint one. I pay council tax out of mine, joint one is used for paying utilities and DH pays mortgage and food shopping. It's confusing but it works grin

YelloDraw Thu 01-Sep-16 11:32:24

You shouldn't use his bank card. Get a joint account with your own card on the account.

lcoc2015 Thu 01-Sep-16 11:32:42

In fact, you should have a joint bank account and joint savings if you are a sahm. If you also work then i find a joint account for weekly expenses that you both transfer into is a good solution.

I have visions of you with no access to any cash on an emergency if he has the card or it gets lost!

Buzzardbird Thu 01-Sep-16 11:32:43

What a kerfuffle!

PurpleDaisies Thu 01-Sep-16 11:33:04

Is it really working if you have to borrow his bank card to go shopping? confused

thecatsarecrazy Thu 01-Sep-16 11:33:20

Don't you have a joint account or your own? All the bills come out my personal account because I have an overdraft. Our joint has money for food and petrol. I don't think your meant to use someone else's bank card

lcoc2015 Thu 01-Sep-16 11:33:26

Oh sorry cross post!

Pimmmms Thu 01-Sep-16 11:34:14

This is onging, sort it out! Either he gets you your own card on his account or you get your own acount.

But yes, you are both at fault.

MolesBreathless Thu 01-Sep-16 11:34:41

It very obviously isn't working though...hence this issue!

Littlepeople12345 Thu 01-Sep-16 11:35:17

Just transfer the money over before you go shopping.

Pimmmms Thu 01-Sep-16 11:35:42

Clearly it doesn't work, or you wouldn't be in this situation. It might theoretically work, but reality is different.

KatharinaRosalie Thu 01-Sep-16 11:36:14

You are both unreasonable having set up a system where you need to borrow his card every week. Not to mention it's not legal to give someone else your card and PIN.

GingerbreadGingerbread Thu 01-Sep-16 11:36:56

I agree you need to make the food shopping account a joint one or maybe each month he could transfer an amount for the food shop into your joint account. It's clearly not working as it is.

PurpleDaisies Thu 01-Sep-16 11:37:08

I am so glad we have one account for everything.

Why wouldn't food come out of the joint account that presumably you both have cards for?

LaurieLemons Thu 01-Sep-16 11:39:32

So why doesn't he just transfer the money to the joint account of yours every month?

rainbowunicorn Thu 01-Sep-16 11:40:25

God it never fails to amaze me the amount of pissing about some people do when it comes to paying for family food shopping.

LemonBreeland Thu 01-Sep-16 11:40:46

Put money for all of the bills including food shopping into the joint account and spend from there. It is a silly system and clearly isn't working.

EssentialHummus Thu 01-Sep-16 11:44:57

So why doesn't he just transfer the money to the joint account of yours every month?

This. Or, put the bank card where DD can't reach it but he'll look, and set a reminder to do so if necessary.

I sympathise. People look at our "system" - involving Excel spreadsheets, alternate responsibility for payment and a monthly fee from DP to me - and tell me to just bloody sort a joint account, but this works for us.

dementedpixie Thu 01-Sep-16 11:47:28

You shouldn't be using his card and pin. I would regard food shopping as a joint expense so would use the card from the joint account instead

SexLubeAndAFishSlice Thu 01-Sep-16 11:47:43

He refuses to do internet banking (for reasons which are still a complete mystery...) and I'm not aware of any other way of instantly transferring money over. Plus that wouldn't really work properly as I spend a different amount each week. Sometimes I'll only spend £30 sometimes I'll spend £60+.

PurpleDaisies Thu 01-Sep-16 11:49:27

So set up a direct debit for the monthly food shop (use approximate figure). Why wouldn't that work?

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