I'm a stepmum so this is not a step parent bashing thread!
My friend has been with her dp on and off for 2 years. They don't live together, they planned to but then started arguing a lot so put it off. Her dd is 16, her ds is 7 and his dd is 11 and has NC with her mum. Her kids see their dad about 3 times a year.
I've noticed that her dp is extremely strict with my friend's kids to the point that I positively cringe. He is constantly picking at them. One ridiculous example the other day was telling my friend's ds off for eating a chip with his fingers. 
Same for pizza. Dinner was in a laid back restaurant and I was about to eat a French Fry with my hand thank God I didn't 
Another example was demanding in a low and rather menacing tone that her dd put her phone away immediately at same dinner when she sent a quick text to her friend before the food arrived. It was so ott for a first asking. And as my dss pointed out to me privately afterwards- he was on his phone a fair bit himself at the meal.
When we play in the park he constantly tells the kids to use a quieter voice. My friend doesn't seem to like how strict he is and I watch as she composes herself and lets him get on with it. He is strict with his own daughter but I kind of feel like that's his business. Tbh my friend's kids are better behaved than his daughter though.
I'm worried because he tends to bark orders at my friend as well. "My wallet's in your bag. Get it for me." "I need x, pass it to me."
I'm biting my tongue but surely I'm not BU for thinking he's being a bit of a domineering prick and my friend needs to stick up for herself and her kids a bit more?
His reasoning is that "their dad is not really on the scene so it's my job to keep these kids sorted." 
AIBU?
Friend's dp is a domineering prick
CannotEvenDeal · 01/09/2016 11:19
Good analogy!
My friend divorced due to serial cheating by her dh so I think her self esteem isn't that high.
I'm hoping they don't move in
Yes, she is imo much more civil with his daughter. They are not super close but she definitely not that harsh!!
I think my friend definitely likes to be in a relationship and he is a rather charismatic man so she has probably been charmed by him
I'm wondering how to word my approach...
No not lately because it's been school holidays so her kids and my dss (who lives with me) are always around.
She has made reference in the past to her ex basically turning his back on his kids (which is true) and at least current dp does something
She has made reference in the past to her ex basically turning his back on his kids (which is true) and at least current dp does something.
That makes me too OP. I'm sure her DP has worked this out for himself which gives him the upper hand. Whatever her ex did is his problem, how she deals with her kids & current relationship is definitely hers. I understand she worries about the impact of the split on her children but that's no reason to put up with behaviour she doesn't agree with. If she doesn't like the way he treats her children she needs to confront it & thank goodness she has a friend like you to support her. If she's genuinely ok with his strictness / pickiness how will you deal with it when you're all together?
So I bumped into the 16yo dd yesterday by pure chance and we ended up having a very long chat about things. God the girl is so unhappy. Turns out this 'catch' uses money to try to control the family (for want of a better word) too. It's so much bigger than I thought. Things like "If you don't do as I say, let's see how you get on when I stop helping you with money for your transport."
Jesus Christ 
I don't think I would cope if he spoke to her like that in front of me 
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