WIBU to only take one twin with me?

(14 Posts)
LivingOnTheDancefloor Thu 01-Sep-16 11:18:37

My best friend of 10+ years is having a really difficult time, her mother has been diagnosed with cancer (terminally ill now and living with her), she is taking care of her newborn, and today she heard that she might loose her job (maternity leave just about to end).
She lives in another EU country.

I want to go and visit here as soon as possible. Usually when I visit her, DH stays here with the DTs (2yo), which is fine with him. This is mostly because of travel costs, and also he knows I will spend the whole time catching up with her, gossiping, giggling, etc. and he'd rather stay home.

My friend is one of my DT's godmother. I think she would like it if this time I brought her with me. WIBU to go with one child and leave the other one with DH?

Pros: I won't need to buy another train ticket as she can travel on my lap, and one DC won't be too much trouble for my friend. DH and I get to spend quality time with one twin, not something we do that often. I really believe my friend would enjoy seeing her.
Cons: I feel bad for the twin who is going to be left behind...

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Thu 01-Sep-16 11:21:40

I'm not sure. I regularly do things with just one twin, but I try and make up for it by doing the same or similar with the one left out.

I think if your DH is going to spend some time doing some fun stuff then yes. More for your peace of mind because at two I suspect they won't give a fuck.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Thu 01-Sep-16 11:22:28

I'm not sure. I regularly do things with just one twin, but I try and make up for it by doing the same or similar with the one left out.

I think if your DH is going to spend some time doing some fun stuff then yes. More for your peace of mind because at two I suspect they won't give a fuck.

Sleepinghooty Thu 01-Sep-16 11:22:31

I'd take her. I have Dts and we try to do things with each of them on their own. It's good for us and them. Next time maybe take the other one though, or do something equally special

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Thu 01-Sep-16 11:23:23

Oops soz about the double post!

Giratina Thu 01-Sep-16 11:25:09

I'd ask your friend if she wants you to bring a child. If she's already caring for a sick relative and dealing with a newborn she might appreciate your support without a 2 year old added into the mix.

HeddaLettuce Thu 01-Sep-16 11:25:13

They are 2. What do they care if one goes somewhere and the other doesn't? You're going to get people saying that its unfair and you should always treat them the same yadda yadda: ignore that shit.
Think about your friend and what suits them, not the opinions of net randoms or the possible momentary thought of a toddler.

LivingOnTheDancefloor Thu 01-Sep-16 12:01:36

Oh absolutely I would check first with my friend and I know she will feel free to say no. I am thinking about it as I think she would enjoy it.

Madlizzy Thu 01-Sep-16 12:07:20

It's good for the kids to have one on one with you. Do it.

SoupDragon Thu 01-Sep-16 12:12:34

I can't help thinking she would prefer to have just you there and not have you distracted by a toddler. How much help would you be if you are running after your child?

Apart from that, I see no reason why you can't take just one.

Oly5 Thu 01-Sep-16 12:23:27

I think you'd be a better friend to her if you went alone.
Failing that, of course you cans take one twin! They are two, they won't remember a thing and it's gear for them both to have one-on-one time with each parent

1AngelicFruitCake Thu 01-Sep-16 12:29:26

I think it'd be better to go alone to focus on supporting her and giving her a break. She might feel she can't say no.

LivingOnTheDancefloor Thu 01-Sep-16 12:46:15

I truly believe she would tell me no, as we are really like sisters to eachother, but ok, I won't offer this time. The only thing I want is to make her feel better and give her support.
Thanks for the advice smile

1AngelicFruitCake Thu 01-Sep-16 17:08:27

Obviously you know her best. If you said you were going alone then surely if she wanted one of your children to visit then she might mention it then. You sound like a great friend to her by helping her out.

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