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Is this a compliment or an insult? DH and I can't agree!

(45 Posts)
AngelSami Thu 01-Sep-16 02:10:25

I'm actually really hurt by it. However, I feel a bit better thinking that maybe it was actually a compliment <clutches at straws> sad

I've known this friend for 3 years, I'd say we are close, but not 'I want to sit and watch movies with you all day' close.

I sing, not professionally or anything, used to be in a choir and just enjoy it. I recently sung a solo in church (a big deal to me!) she then says "to be honest, you sounded so much better with my eyes shut, stunning voice". This isn't some kind of stealth boast btw, I have a typical voice, nothing special, no star quality, fat, unattractive. Well, I don't see how it would be anyway, as I found the comment offensive! I know she went on to compliment me, but it's the first bit... Isn't that always said about people who are basically really unattractive and they're so unattractive it ruins their voice?

I'm either right grin or very hormonal (32+1 wks)

BromidePlease Thu 01-Sep-16 02:12:53

It's a weird thing to say but I doubt very much it was meant in the way you're worried it might be.

Ime a lot of sounds are clearer/more pleasurable/more affecting if my eyes are closed, the shutting down of one sense enhances the other!

AngelSami Thu 01-Sep-16 02:14:44

You're probably right!

I'm not expecting compliments off her btw, before it goes down that route grin

lazyarse123 Thu 01-Sep-16 02:29:52

I'm sure she meant it as a compliment (she could be like me and suffer from foot in mouth syndrome) I quite often say things that come out completely different to how I intended. You must be really good to have been asked to do a solo so don't put yourself down.

Italiangreyhound Thu 01-Sep-16 02:30:23

You are hormonal. It was and is a compliment.

She meant she closed her eyes and enjoyed just listening to your voice.

That's it.

What does "no star quality, fat, unattractive." mean? I am assuming you are saying this of yourself, not something someone else said of you.

I am sure your voice is lovely (as your friend told you so), so that is star quality, you are almost certainly not unattractive, your husband can attest to that and you are pregnant, not fat, so please stop telling yourself negative messages and hearing insults in the compliment of a friend.

sykadelic Thu 01-Sep-16 02:30:43

It's a backhanded compliment. You're right. She is insulting your appearance (or the simple fact with her eyes closed she doesn't think about it being you) but at least she's complimenting your voice.

It's the "to be honest" part that makes it sound insulting... almost like she's saying "No offense but..." like people do when they're about to be insulting. The "it sounded amazing with my eyes closed" wouldn't have bothered me AS much but it would have been better to have said "I loved closing my eyes and being taken away by your voice. Wonderful".

Italiangreyhound Thu 01-Sep-16 02:31:27

You must be really good to have been asked to do a solo so don't put yourself down.


Italiangreyhound Thu 01-Sep-16 02:33:55

PS we (Mumsnetters) will all interpret this in the voice we hear these comments made in. However, you are the only one who knows how it was said... I'd take it as a compliment and stop over thinking......

Lollyp333 Thu 01-Sep-16 02:52:57

She's a bitch. Don't let it destroy your confidence, she's clearly jealous that you have an amazing voice

FabFiveFreddie Thu 01-Sep-16 02:56:31

I think she just got herself confused. I'd honestly think she didn't mean to comment on appearance at all, just that she was so bloated out by your voice that she listened in rapture 😄

FabFiveFreddie Thu 01-Sep-16 02:56:52

Bloated? Blissed!!

VioletBam Thu 01-Sep-16 02:58:05

It's because she knows you....she was able to separate YOU from your singing...and enjoy it in a disconnected way when she could not see you.

I find it had to enjoy my friend's when I see them on TV....I have a few friends in TV series and soaps...when I watch them I'm just thinking "That's X..."

Brightredpencil Thu 01-Sep-16 03:02:17

What did you say when she said that?!

I'd have said something pointed and sarcastic back to her along the lines of "I'm so glad you can only enjoy it WITH YOUR EYES SHUT".

monkeygone Thu 01-Sep-16 03:18:53

Sounds like she worded it a bit weirdly but I wouldn't immediately assume it was an insult. Although like somebody else said, it's hard to know without hearing the tone of voice and way she said it.

But just from reading it, I'd say it was a badly worded compliment. I often close my eyes when listening to music because it allows your brain to focus purely on listening.

PenelopeFlintstone Thu 01-Sep-16 03:23:05

Compliment. She could listen to the voice alone, rather than looking at and thinking of her friend.

Sciurus83 Thu 01-Sep-16 03:40:06

Definitely a compliment, don't even think twice x

LellyMcKelly Thu 01-Sep-16 04:05:42

I think it was a compliment - she could switch off from being your friend, and just enjoy the performance on its own merits.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Thu 01-Sep-16 04:19:09

Nice backhander of a compliment, that!

She didn't need to say the bit about it being better with her eyes closed, or at least not in that way.

But try to take the honey from it and cast away the sting.

flumpybear Thu 01-Sep-16 05:05:34

Sounds like she's trying to say that when it's just one sense being used (hearing only) it blurs out all the other 'sensory noise' ... Compliment I think

PageStillNotFound404 Thu 01-Sep-16 05:08:50

Does she say "to be honest" a lot, like a sort of verbal tic? Because I think that's the bit that makes it sound like she's about to insult you, but it might just be one of those empty phrases she uses all the time - I'm guilty of this with "to be fair". Otherwise I'd say it was a compliment.

Arkhamasylum Thu 01-Sep-16 05:29:07

Maybe ask her to enjoy it with her mouth shut next time? grin

Seriously though, I think she meant to compliment your voice and it came out wrong. Sometimes people just put things in an odd way without meaning to. Closing your eyes when listening to music is to block out other distractions. Saying she did that to concentrate on your voice is a pretty big compliment! She just didn't express herself very well.

FindoGask Thu 01-Sep-16 05:30:22

Interesting to read the different perspectives here!

I would give her the benefit of the doubt - especially if she doesn't have a history of making snide or off colour remarks. As someone else said, my immediate thought was that she meant if she closed her eyes she could just listen to your voice without thinking about how she knew the person singing. Also I've never wanted to close my eyes to listen to a bad singer.

On balance I really do think she'd have to be some sort of awful person to want to insult you in the way you think - and if you've been friends for three years, presumably if she was that awful you'd have noticed it before.

VashtaNerada Thu 01-Sep-16 05:49:28

I think it's a compliment too, that your voice sounded lovely when she closed her eyes and focused on it. If she meant it the other way that would be horrible! shock

MoreCoffeeNow Thu 01-Sep-16 06:44:15

I often close my eyes at concerts. It makes it all about the music and I'm not distracted by other people, the singer's clothes, others on stage.

I don't think it was a dig at all. With her eyes open she sees a friend singing, with them closed it's all about the sound.

Sootica Thu 01-Sep-16 06:54:17

I think it could have come out wrong and she meant it was so lovely she just wanted to block everything else out.

Is she the type of person to make bitchy comments? What was the tone of her voice and the tenor of the rest of the conversation?

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