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aibu to think this woman was unnecessarily mean to 14 yo dd?

(107 Posts)
user1471470353 Wed 31-Aug-16 22:58:52

dd was in the park today with her friends and our 6 month old chocolate lab. when she let our puppy off the lead, he walked over to a mum with her toddler. the toddler hid behind her mum to which dd walked over to get our puppy and told them that he's very sweet and gentle. the mum shouted at her that he is not sweet to kids who dont like dogs, having never met our puppy before, and scared him off with her shouting. he ran over to another area (dogs are completely allowed in this park, even off lead btw) and the mum's toddler screamed at the dog's sudden movement. the mum then shouted at my dd 'this is not funny, get your dog right now' and told her child , who was now walking towards the dog not to go anywhere near the dog or dd. dd walked to join her friends having put the dog on the lead and saw the lady with her arms crossed glaring at her. the dog had not shown any signs of aggression or hyper activeness. of course some children are afraid of dogs which is why dd instantly tried to get him back but i think this was a bit of a harsh reaction. dd is a young 14 and was quite upset to be shouted at by a stranger. interested in what u would have done in the situation and whether you think dd was in the wrong? thank you!

Floggingmolly Wed 31-Aug-16 23:00:13

Dogs shouldn't be off lead in parks...

TheWitTank Wed 31-Aug-16 23:00:46

YABU. The dog was out of control and in her toddler's face -and this is coming from an avid dog lover and owner.

angelikacpickles Wed 31-Aug-16 23:01:15

Did the puppy really "walk" over to the toddler, or did he perhaps bound over playfully?

ReginaBlitz Wed 31-Aug-16 23:01:27

She should have had control of the dog end of! Even if they are allowed off leads it should still have been on s lead around young kids especially boisterous puppy.

UnderslungBowlingBall Wed 31-Aug-16 23:01:38


honeysucklejasmine Wed 31-Aug-16 23:02:43

You'll see hundreds of posts on here from the mum's perspective, and they would be in the right. Dogs stay on leads unless they have perfect recall, I think is the common response.

Birdsgottafly Wed 31-Aug-16 23:04:01

I've always had German Shepherds and unless they've got decent recall, they stay on the lead around toddlers.

If the dog walked towards them, why wasn't it called back and why didn't your DD move quicker?

If your DD is "a young 14", she shouldn't be letting such a young dog off a lead, in a busy park.

I've had dogs attacked by other dogs, how would she handle that?

WorraLiberty Wed 31-Aug-16 23:04:06

Neither was that much in the wrong really.

Although now you've mentioned the woman shouted, a lot of people will focus on that, rather than why she shouted IYSWIM?

Either way (and I say this as a dog lover/owner) "He's very sweet and gentle" is a pointless thing to say to someone who doesn't want a dog near them or their child.

Your DD probably shouldn't let the dog off the lead until it's trained. I know you need to let them off to do the recall training, but it's probably best when the park is pretty empty.

SeenoevilHearnoevilSpeaknoevil Wed 31-Aug-16 23:05:23

My DD is absolutely petrified of dogs. Stops breathing and all sorts. It's scary for not only her, But for me seeing her go through this. I think this ladies point was valid just maybe not the way she said it. I do believe that no matter how good a dog is, it should always be on a lead in a park (and I don't mind dogs) just out of respect for people's fears etc.

Scuttlebutter Wed 31-Aug-16 23:07:21

If your DD takes the dog out, she must be responsible for it. Part of that is understanding that for many good reasons, other park users (and especially tiny DC) are entitled NOT to have your Lab pup bounding all over them. Unless pup has excellent recall, he should be on a lead.

I'm a dog owner and this makes me mad - it's owners like you that give the rest of us a bad name and end up with dogs being banned from places.

Bagina Wed 31-Aug-16 23:07:27

YABU. I get a bit sick of dog owners thinking I love their dog as much as they do. I hate dogs and I don't want it sniffing round me; retract your ridiculously long lead and keep walking.

WorraLiberty Wed 31-Aug-16 23:07:48

Also, if the woman shouted "This is not funny", that would indicate to me that your DD or possibly here mates were laughing at her.

Otherwise it's a pretty weird thing to shout.

Evilstepmum01 Wed 31-Aug-16 23:08:04

Yes. Your DD shouldnt be walking a dog she cant control.
The mother sounds like an arse, but still your dog should have been on a leash. I am sick of the 'its ok, my dogs friendly' crowd bounding up to my dog who isnt friendly.
Saw this with local hippy family letting their out of control spaniel run amok. My friends dog was on a lead and pup wouldnt leave him alone. My friend ended up with cuts from leash of her dog trying to chase pup away whilst teenage owners stood laughing. Words were had.

madein1995 Wed 31-Aug-16 23:08:05

Yeah, the mum shouldn't have shouted - nice behaviour to show her child eh - but neither should dog be off lead without perfect recall .Regardless of anything else, dog could have run into road and injured itself for eg. Dogs should only be let off lead in quiet, enclosed (off main road) places, with owner nearby who gets dog back when it starts annoying people (different if the person strokes/makes fuss of dog, but if they seem frightened/wary/put off should be got back asap)

Yambabe Wed 31-Aug-16 23:09:02

Parkmum over-reacted, but if she is scared of dogs herself (and it sounds like she might be) I can kind of understand why.

Ddog shouldn't be off the lead until he is trained enough to return to DD on a word of command, she shouldn't need to walk over to get him. I would reassure her not to take what was said personally, but also tell her not to let DDog off the lead in future.

Meadows76 Wed 31-Aug-16 23:09:53

I hate dog owners that say 'he/she won't hurt you /them' - so what, that doesn't mean it's ok for your dog to be in my/my kids face.

AnotherDayInParadiseLost Wed 31-Aug-16 23:11:03

Many toddlers become scared of dogs for life as a result of thoughtless behaviour like your daughter's.

One of my kids was very scared until about eight or nine, despite my good modelling of sensible behaviour around dogs. Over time I became increasingly angry at the 'oh he's just friendly' type comments from people who had, quite frankly, no idea of the effect they were having on my poor child. And didn't seem to care either. I haven't shouted as I know it can unnerve the dog and potentially make it worse for my child. Even now I have to take the lead with my DC when there is a dog off the lead.

It's not the dogs at fault. It's the owners.

TheNaze73 Wed 31-Aug-16 23:12:16


Astoria797 Wed 31-Aug-16 23:13:29

YABU. Your daughter was clearly wrong & I'd suggest you examine whether she's mature enough to be allowed to take the puppy out by herself/with other immature friends. Anything could have happened - puppy could have bitten the toddler, another dog might have attacked it, it could have eaten something posioness & your daughter'd never know because she was too busy laughing with her mates. This makes me really angry.

user1471470353 Wed 31-Aug-16 23:13:41

thank you for all the advice, will have a chat to dd tomorrow and make sure he is kept on the lead for all of his future walks, he comes off on the playing fields with us and luckily in this situation he went back on the lead quickly and the toddler came over to the dog. no intentions of upsetting anyone as i understand it is a sensitive topic and will explain this all to dd in the morning.

Bloopbleep Wed 31-Aug-16 23:15:04

I was attacked by a "he's usually sweet and gentle" dog two weeks ago while he was off lead in public. My wounds are still bleeding and I'm having to get the dressings changed every two days. The bruise covered 40-50cm easily and ice got a haematoma that's not budging. I was put on two types of very strong antibiotics. The owner was keen to inform me their dog was only a puppy and hadn't bitten before as the blood is oozing into my clothing. I must say I didn't give a shit what the owner said at that point I was just terrified I wouldn't get to hospital by myself & I didn't have my phone to hand. I'm not afraid of dogs, I have two of my own but when an owner cannot control or recall a dog and the person (of any age) is scared or in shock then they have to expect a potentially extreme reaction. Any dog can turn on a whim so no her reaction was not mean and can you be sure your teen and her pals weren't giving back talk? (I know I would've at that age) YABU

NotMe321 Wed 31-Aug-16 23:17:36

I wouldn't say the woman did over-react necessarily. We've had a thread on here recently involving an autistic child who would react extremely badly to a dog doing this. The woman may have shouted to push your DD into reacting more quickly and getting the dog properly under control.

Birdsgottafly Wed 31-Aug-16 23:20:22

OP, are you working on Recall?

Labs are usually easy because they are so food orientated.

In a way it's good that your DD has had this as her first negative reaction, it wasn't anything major and it's a lesson learned.

Is your DD involved in the training? It will give her positive experiences and bonding time, with the dog.

JigglypuffsCaptor Wed 31-Aug-16 23:20:31

I'm a dog owner, and the mother of a toddler who may I add is very custom to a 30kg large breed dog bounding about the place, however I do not like other owners allowing their dogs to stray and get in my toddlers face, its not safe!

Toddlers behave differently, even the kindest of dogs can misinterpret a toddlers actions.

A young German Shepard Dog came up to DS on the par once, DS being two reached for his ever so fluffy ears, I attempted to intervene and block DS's grab attempt, the dog thought I was going to hit it, he snarled so I kicked him in the face. I'm not having a snarling dog near DS's face.

That's how quick a friendly dog encounters ter can go! Keep your dog on a lead. My large breed dog likes to ignore me hmm she is kept on a lead, and whilst I loosely trust her with DS I never leave them alone, but on the whole she's been as good as gold since his arrival.

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