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AIBU?

Please remind me nearer the time...

20 replies

Czerny88 · 31/08/2016 18:15

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed (and slightly hurt) by people who ask for reminders "nearer the time" for an event I've organised? This has happened a few times recently (things like birthday drinks / travelling a considerable distance to see someone).

My feeling is that if I've taken the trouble to organise something and issue an invitation with all the necessary details of date, time and venue, it's not too much to ask that the recipient take ten seconds to write it in their diary or calendar. I know people are busy, but I find it a bit insulting if they can't make the effort to remember.

Am I expecting too much of people?

OP posts:

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Sirzy · 31/08/2016 18:17

How far in advance are we talking?

BuonoEstente · 31/08/2016 19:19

Are you known for flaking out on stuff? I only ask as I have a friend I no longer diarise because bbqs etc sometimes don't up happening and I've often turned down stuff to go. Remind me nearer the time mean confirm its going ahead to me.

YelloDraw · 31/08/2016 19:20

If you want people to come you should always issue reminders. One a week before. One the day before. One on the day. Easy with FB/emails :-)

OhNoNotMyBaby · 31/08/2016 19:23

I'm with you on this OP. To me, it's incredibly rude and means "I might come, I might not, it depends if I get a better offer and if I can be bothered on the day/night...."

For 'official' events, ie mega birthday events or anniversaries, I would send a reminder if I had issued a formal invite with an RSVP.

But for other events I expect people to say "yes" or "no".

T0ddlerSlave · 31/08/2016 19:26

My brother was always like this. I used to say that's what your phone calendar is for.

Czerny88 · 31/08/2016 19:48

Sirzy - It varies, but that's not really the point. I want the person I've invited to take responsibility for remembering, not delegate it straight back to me when I've made the effort to organise it in the first place,. I feel like that - rightly or wrongly - regardless of how far ahead it is.

Estente - No, I'm very reliable. I rarely cancel arrangements or forget to do things I've promised.

Yello - Three sets of reminders?? Crikey, sounds like you have flakey friends!

OP posts:

Sirzy · 31/08/2016 20:01

I think it is important. I think if it's more than a few weeks ahead then yes Reminders, even if just to confirm details would be good. And people don't always want to commit too far ahead either depending what the event is

Czerny88 · 31/08/2016 20:09

I suppose the bottom line is I don't mind reminding people, but I don't want them to expect it and abdicate responsibility. One of these events was a birthday afternoon tea which had to be booked.

Perhaps I need to be learn to be more spontaneous.

OP posts:

Balletgirlmum · 31/08/2016 20:12

I would always ask for a reminder nearer the time for anything that I hadn't had a written invite for. Written invited are kept on the mantlepiece & I can refer to them. There is no way I can remember verbal invites.

ConvincingLiar · 31/08/2016 20:18

Balletgirlmum do you not have a diary/calendar? How do you manage?

I would only ask for a reminder if I was incapable of writing/typing details. EG if I'm driving and on the phone handsfree or something like that.

Balletgirlmum · 31/08/2016 20:21

I have a calender at home but if I'm out & about when you invite me then I may not remember the details once home.

School stuff goes on the calender when I get the termly important dates booklet/email & also when the children bring letters home.

ConvincingLiar · 31/08/2016 20:25

So couldn't you put a note in your phone? Or keep a notepad in your handbag or something? I might think you were a bit rude if I was inviting you and you always did this for the reasons the OP outlined.

TroysMammy · 31/08/2016 20:25

Considering a very high proportion of the population have a mobile phone why on earth can't people be more responsible and use the reminder facility. If I make an appointment I set a reminder the night before. Then on the day a few hours before and then another one in order to allow plenty of time to get there.

OP YANBU.

Balletgirlmum · 31/08/2016 20:27

I might ask you to put it on an email for me.

Balletgirlmum · 31/08/2016 20:28

I can never get reminders or calendars on my phone to work. And I have it on silent 90% of the time anyway so it doesn't disturb people at work.

I used to carry a handbag diary but it took up too much space & stuff was in too many places.

MrsMozart · 31/08/2016 20:30

Whilst I fully appreciate that it's annoying, bear in mind that some people are fighting 'hidden' disease, which can affect their memories and responses.

I have hyperparathyroidism and my memory is now very iffy and I get brain fug - twice in the last few days I've looked at a reminder on my phone and not registered that I was actually meant to do something.

Gatehouse77 · 31/08/2016 20:32

This annoys the fuck out of me so I'm with you OP. It smacks of laziness and, if I'm feeling particularly fucked off, like I'm not worth the effort of remembering.

I have organised things by email with clearly stated time, date and venue but still get people who will text on the day to check.
Erm, check the fucking email thread!

FabFiveFreddie · 31/08/2016 20:46

I agree OP. To me it shouts "I'm so important and have so much stuff to do that I might forget your (less important) thing so please just remind me nearer the time". Like I'm their fucking PA!

I haven't had it happen in a while, but the last time it did I think I ended up saying "oh! Well not too worry. You sound very busy. Maybe we can do it another time".

So rude.

BuonoEstente · 31/08/2016 20:58

In that case OP you're not being unreasonable. I have brain fog (ad's) but I know that so I have a diary to help.

ConvincingLiar · 01/09/2016 22:08

If you've a smart phone you could email yourself?

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