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To hate anxiety

(30 Posts)
TribbleTrouble Wed 31-Aug-16 17:03:36

I'm not terrible with it at the moment, but I have a checkered history with having periods of intense and horrible anxiety (it was awful after my children were born).

It's still such a weak spot though, someone can say one thing and I will internally panic and worry about if I've done something wrong. Thoughts going round and round, so now I have to talk myself down off of the fudging ledge again.

I am so frustrated with myself over this, it feels so stupid. It will be fine, it is always ok in the end.

MermaidTears Wed 31-Aug-16 17:57:10

I feel you op
I have crippling health anxiety although you wouldn't know it if you met me.
I finally bit the bullet and have now asked for help
Have you had any help?

Honeyandfizz Wed 31-Aug-16 18:02:42

I can also relate. I slip in & out of it, mine tends to be triggered by holidays (of all things!). I recently read the book Panicking about panic by Joshua Fletcher. I have to say it's helped me an awful lot. Maybe worth a try?

IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes Wed 31-Aug-16 18:04:48

flowers It sounds like OCD have you spoken to your GP? They might be able to suggest CBT or medication that could help. Please go easy on yourself - anxiety is a horrible thing to deal with.

SABeeTiger Wed 31-Aug-16 18:07:24

I have struggled for years, I know all it takes is one thing to make everything crumble. Please get help if you haven't already, I know it takes time but the first step is the hardest, I didn't want to admit anything was wrong because it seems like that means I failed, but I end up being more frustrated. Do you know what triggers it?

Mumble29 Wed 31-Aug-16 18:11:50

I know how you feel OP it's horrible sad I have anxiety disorder and have just had a really bad episode and am back on citralopram. Have you been to the doctors?

BrianCoxReborn Wed 31-Aug-16 18:13:28

I'm the same, OP. I've had a diagnosis of General Anxiety Disorder and am at the other side, so to speak, of CBT and still on anti-depressants.

Life is good, I'm happy. But just one thing can set me off and I never know when it will come.

Last week a girl at work was in a mood. I took it to be (in my anxiety influenced paranoia) because I'd wronged her. I lost sleep over it. Saw her today, perfectly fine and pleasant. She'd just been in a mood, generally.

Today, found out DD's school appeal is in 2 weeks. I've lost my shit and am dicking about on MN to distract myself.

It'd just hard and it isn't about curing yourself, it's about learning to live with this part of yourself. Hard as that may sound.

I find mindfulness CD's helpful (get them on Amazon music or Spotify), listening to nature sounds, hot baths, bit of exercise, channel my negative energy into something positive (do my budgeting, clean kitchen cupboards...one particular time when things were really bad, I redecorate DS's room in 2 days flat blush

Anxiety can go fuck itself.

40somethingwonderful Wed 31-Aug-16 18:14:47

I've suffered terribly too, took too many years to ask for help 15 years

Doctor always wanted to go down the ad route, which did help but I didn't like being on them. Finally saw a different doctor who recommended CBT, my anxiety is a lot better and I have a better quality of life now.

manandbeast Wed 31-Aug-16 18:18:38

I struggle with this too.

Having one of the worst episodes now, work related. I was bullied for a bit. Now I'm in a better environment but I can't seem to cope with stress any more. I have spiralling thoughts, insomnia, I have scratched my scalp until it bled.

I tried medication but it made me feel wired... Not sure what the answer is. Running helps.

TribbleTrouble Wed 31-Aug-16 18:38:31

I never went down the medicatioms route, I had CBT a few years back and it literally was life transforming. I do have episodes like this, and I am about to go back to uni for my second year so the thought of it all may be affecting me more than I thought. I'll see how I go, if I get worse I'll go through my uni and access some counselling (probably quicker than GP).

TribbleTrouble Wed 31-Aug-16 18:39:09

I've also started swimming recently so that's helping.

BrianCoxReborn Wed 31-Aug-16 18:51:14

Something that helps me rationalize (or attempt to) is to say "how would this affect someone who doesn't have problems with anxiety?"

So, my work colleague. Non anxiety me "stupid prick, needs to get over herself " and I wouldn't have given it a second thought.

School Appeal. Non anxiety me "yep, I'm shitting a brick and I will probably lose sleep over this"

What I'm saying is, sometimes it's ok to be anxious because the "thing" is anxiety inducing to the majority of people.

That thought process helps (not all the time, but some of the time - and its yet another tool in my Fuck Off Anxiety back pack)

BrianCoxReborn Wed 31-Aug-16 18:52:13

Meant to add, was put on AD's due to PND, but they keep me on an even keel so sticking with them for the foreseeable.

IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes Wed 31-Aug-16 22:31:40

Yeah I think anxiety can definitely flare up more during times of change as it's all probably ticking away in your mind. Exercise can definitely calm your mood so that's a good idea OP. Try and make some time for yourself to chill out even if it's just get your hair/nails done or book a massage or something? All helps.

Briancox that method makes a lot of sense because it's like you're removing the emotional content from the fear or worry and allowing you to see it a more rationed,almost detached way I findsmile

JellyBelli Wed 31-Aug-16 22:35:54

Anxiety is the pits. I've had CBT because I wanted to avoid meds. Then I had a pre med and it copmpletely changed my view. I felt really wierd and couldnt put my finger on what was wrong, and eventually worked out I didnt feel anxious.
It was the first time in my life.
Now I use meds if I need to.

SheDoneAlreadyDoneHadHerses Wed 31-Aug-16 22:38:01

I suffer from anxiety and anxiety- and panic-attacks.

I'v found distracting myself, walking, breathing exercises, not drinking too much sigh, and questioning my thought process all help tremendously.

So, if my brain says "OMG, X will happen!!", I think "OK, and then what?", so my brain goes "It'll be horrendous", so I reply "And? What can I do about it?", until my brain goes quiet.

IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes Wed 31-Aug-16 22:39:50

*rational that should say not rationed grin

goddessoftheharvest Wed 31-Aug-16 22:44:26

Yep. It's exhausting, absolutely exhausting.

I've had an exceptionally bad flare up this week (triggered by change, and too many things happening at once, basically) but fingers crossed, if I can make it to this weekend on an ebb of calm, I think it should be OK. I worked very hard to get off tablets and i don't want to go back on them, although they were fabulous in many ways

I wish I could switch my brain off at times. I can't fathom people who cope normally with certain things. My friend is looking for a new job and she's like "Oh, another interview, whatever, fingers crossed"

I'm in awe- I'd be lying in a foetal position or throwing up in the toilet

And I'm not actually an anxious person, I am laid back, confident and brave about many things.

It's like being possessed or something

mumtomaxwell Wed 31-Aug-16 22:53:28

I've suffered with anxiety since I was 16 - I'm 39 now! Have been through a really good time recently with almost no episodes - I noticed yesterday that it's been a couple of months... Then last night I was woken up by a big panic attack!!! Part of it is fear of vomit and that means I hate taking new medicines so I've never had anti-depressants. I've done 3 courses of CBT which definitely helps, but by far the best thing was a Church listener who let me talk about the initial cause/trigger - so more like counselling rather than CBT.
I hate anxiety and how it controls my life sad

AgentCooper Wed 31-Aug-16 23:06:21

Me too, OP, and everyone up thread flowers

I've had it in varying degrees for about 5 years (diagnosed with GAD) and have been on ADs for 4 years. I had a really bad episode last summer and went into therapy for almost a year, started to make a really concerted effort to get to the bottom of it and I learned a lot. I had been feeling so much better, like the best version of myself, someone who was confident, funny, loving life. I felt like a real badass!

My job has been in doubt recently and I've been waiting for an answer which has been meant to come 'next week' or 'tomorrow' for a while now.ni thought I was coping but on Sunday I had a huge anxiety attack, not having had one in months and now I'm just not right. Mornings have been awful. Honestly, it's scary how you can forget how bad this feels. I'm just hoping that once the work situation is clear I will start to get better and get back to the self that I know is in there.

As you say, OP, it will be fine. Even if we can't see it right now. I know there is a badass in me. I wish I could take this away from all of us.

IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes Thu 01-Sep-16 12:36:37

AgentCooper hope things settle and you find your inner badass again it's a great way to think of it grin

Wishing everyone an anxiety free day it's hard work flowerscakebrew

TheoriginalLEM Thu 01-Sep-16 12:41:56

another one who thinks its an utter bastard.

my life is generally ok just now. Today i just can't shift it.

bastard

LuckyBitches Thu 01-Sep-16 14:43:26

YANBU - Anxiety is a horror. Exercise is IME the best defence (and pills!).

TribbleTrouble Thu 01-Sep-16 16:55:57

Goddess Yes! That is exactly it! It's like I'm possessed, at times I've mentally stepped out of myself and thought 'who are you? This isn't me.'

When I was coming over the hump of my PND and PNA, ds1 was about nine months I remember it feeling like I'd been asleep for the past nine months (then I went back to work and it got exponentially worse again). I didn't know why I'd been reacting the way I had.

About six months later after stopping work, I had a similar feeling as the CBT kicked in, I started doing couch to 5K and it really helped.

AgentCooper Thu 01-Sep-16 18:33:37

Tribble I was saying something very similar to a lovely work colleague who also struggles with anxiety. It is honestly like being possessed. This me and the well me are polar opposites.

I'm struggling today. Been ruminating too much and my mind keeps drifting to smoking, which I quit a year ago. I will not do it but when I'm in so much pain my brain just wants something to quiet it and cigarettes were what I used to give it. I've got an e cig but my brain just fixates on the real thing. I wish it would stop.

Love to all who are struggling.

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