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To ask what is the worst attempt at impressing you/chatting you up you've seen or heard?

(150 Posts)
Mycatsabastard Tue 30-Aug-16 22:36:41

I am 47. I could maybe get away with 45. I was driving back from the shops with DD2 (who is 10) the other day and some yoof in a car with tinted windows (all down) and a big exhaust came alongside me at the lights. He was revving his engine and edging forward. He kept looking at me and winking. He revved his engine some more. He had no top on and looked about 25.

I am not sure if his car was trying to impress my car of it his was a really bad way of trying to get my attention. Nonetheless I found it all highly amusing if bewildering. I have yet to tell my teenager that this is how men will attempt to woo her in the next few years.

Share your horror stories and funnies.

SalemSaberhagen Tue 30-Aug-16 22:43:54

When I was about 19, I went bowling with a friend. Had my go, and waited an age for my ball to come back up. Finally it did, but when I stuck my fingers in, there was something blocking it. I picked out a bit of paper from 'Martyn on reception' asking me out for a drink. He had intercepted my ball confused That is one of my cringiest.

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt Tue 30-Aug-16 22:45:38

Aw, maybe I'm hormonal / weird but I like that chat up Salem smile

ididyeah Tue 30-Aug-16 22:53:57

Back in roughly 2002, from pondering very drunk Liverpudlian 'You look a bit like Heather Mills, but you've got more legs' hmm followed shortly afterwards by 'Fancy a shag?' hmmhmm

wowfudge Tue 30-Aug-16 22:56:37

I bet you never went back there Salem. Me and a group of friends were once subjected to the chat up attempts of a group of blokes who claimed to be New York cops on holiday. They even had warrant badges with them. However they didn't realise we'd been in earshot of them earlier and had 'copped' their Derby accents; we were in a club in Nottingham. I think we strung them along for a short time then shot them down for lying.

MerylPeril Tue 30-Aug-16 23:01:05

I love the idea of New York cops going on holiday to Nottingham!

Whoami24601 Tue 30-Aug-16 23:08:27

I once got chatted up in a bus station while waiting for my friends. The guy used actually thought 'I'm getting married tomorrow, fancy being my last shag?' would be effective shock

AuroraBora Tue 30-Aug-16 23:41:31

Drunk guy in bar: "hey beautiful, where have you been all my life?"

Me: "with someone better than you"

I'm never that quick off the mark, it was amazing grin

He took it well, but he was very drunk!

PumpkinPie9 Tue 30-Aug-16 23:48:45

Salem, how could you resist a Martyn with a Y?

Tiggeryoubastard Tue 30-Aug-16 23:53:03

Not quite a chat up line (I hope/think) but a man I was chatting to at a function told me his job, and exactly where he worked. Very identifying if you're in that profession. More so if it's MY bloody job! Ok, a few of us at that position at that place, but not many and all know each other. I just smiled and nodded.

RustyPaperclip Tue 30-Aug-16 23:53:52

Roughly 10 years ago I went to get my train to college but first had to renew my season ticket. I went to the window where a lovely young Irish guy was serving (he had been working there for about a year) he handed me my season ticket and had written his phone number on it as well. I thought it was quite sweet but I had a long term boyfriend (now DH).

RustyPaperclip Tue 30-Aug-16 23:54:57

Ok, so maybe that isn't so bad as looking back it was quite sweet, just a bit odd at the time!

redannie118 Tue 30-Aug-16 23:59:53

Night out in my twenties
Guy-hi would you like a drink?
Me-no thank you I'm married
Guy-that's OK so am I! !
That would have been bad enough,but 10 seconds later he muttered "oh shit" and dropped to the floor."what's wrong?"I enquired "sssshh it's the missus !!" Was the reply. Quickest exit in history .

TheWitTank Wed 31-Aug-16 00:16:49

Mine is sad rather than funny.
Friend and I were in a club one night and got chatted up by a friends boyfriend and his mate. He hadn't recognised us (we had only met briefly). He was a slime ball, desperate to get one of us (don't think he cared which) into bed. We left it long enough for him to make a total dickhead of himself, and then told him we were friends with his girlfriend. Never seen someone back pedal so fast -apparently he knew and it was banter, then he was messing about, then it was just a laugh, then he was really pissed (he wasn't). Slunk off terrified we would tell on him. He quickly got straight on the phone to her first to get his story in. It wasn't his first or only cheating episode, and even though she knew they married. Now divorced.

Myusernameismyusername Wed 31-Aug-16 00:19:43

A guy who kept trying to chat me up when I went into his petrol station.
He started out had making chit chat but one particular evening I had a bad day at work and went in about 9pm to buy a bottle of wine, crisps and chocolate wearing some awful combination of crappy clothes and trainers. I'm in my 30's, a bit overweight and he looks about 21.

As he put my items through the till he gives me his best come to bed with me eyes and says

'Are you a personal trainer? I was wondering if I could hire you?'

I just looked down at my wine and junk food and back at him completely speechless and laughed in his face

DownInFraggleRock Wed 31-Aug-16 00:23:01

Out in America a few years ago, and a couple of guys were chatting to me. As I left to go to a gig, one gave me his business card with 'call me, my brother from another mother X ' written on it hmm

Jizzomelette Wed 31-Aug-16 00:26:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LikeDylanInTheMovies Wed 31-Aug-16 00:34:58

I will own up to this one although it was a long time ago and it was a product of nerves, rather than cockiness or bravado. I went out with a friend and a group of their friends, one of whom I was quite taken with.

I have always been shy and have never really had the nerve to ask anyone out, so over the course of the evening I was nervous as hell and had far too much to drink. Anyway the night came to an end with a late night pizza. Now one of the only things I knew about this woman was that like me she was vegetarian.

As I perused the menu I noticed they had a choice of vegetarian pizzas. Vegetarian and Hot Vegetarian. This was when inspiration struck. I waited my turn and when I was asked for my order and thinking I was the lovechild of Oscar Wilde and Dorothy Parker, sure that when she saw my dizzying wit she'd fall into my arms. I delivered the line to the man in the shop:

'I like my pizza, like I like my women...hot vegetarian' and I think I may have even given her a saucy wink. Even through the haze of six pints of Timothy Taylor I realised my words hadn't had the desired effect and shot me a look somewhere between pity and annoyance.

And how did this story end?

Reader, I I became her polite acquaintance.

Mrsmorton Wed 31-Aug-16 04:14:02

I heard a woman in Newquay a few weeks ago say "my sister works in a sausage factory, do you wanna banger!" Not sure it worked, alcohol had been taken though.

PageStillNotFound404 Wed 31-Aug-16 04:25:03

I was once subjected to the grossest "chat up line" (actually just a flat out proposition for a shag) that I've ever heard. Even though it was a) unsuccessful and b) decades ago, I've never forgotten it because it was so awful - not least because I was a naive and sheltered 18/19yo completely lacking in self confidence at the time.

Out with a couple of friends in town for a quiet drink, we started getting chatted up by a very drunk group of older blokes on a stag do. One of them said to me "you've got lovely legs darling...they'd look even better with my spunk running down them. Shall we go and see if I'm right?" envy <-- vomit, not envy

Reader, I did not marry him. Nor did I participate in his experiment to test his hypothesis. Sadly, neither did I throw my drink over him like I should have done.

MapleandPear Wed 31-Aug-16 04:30:02

Ugh, that's horrible, page.

Mommawoo Wed 31-Aug-16 05:14:48

If you go on holiday to Santorini you might get propositioned by jumper man. He approaches women on the beach, points at a big rock, signals for them to watch him, then goes and leaps off said rock into the sea. He will then emerge from the sea dripping wet and grinning, fully expecting sex as a reward for his awesome bravery. He doesnt speak a word of English so the jumping acts as the icebreaker.

He approached me and my friend on the first day of our holiday. If he fails to impress, he simply moves down the beach to the next girl. I've been going to Santorini for TEN YEARS and he's still doing it

ladylambkin Wed 31-Aug-16 05:19:16

Years ago a horrible guy walked up to me and started chatting me up in a bar. He then said I'd love your lips wrapped round my dick and I don't mean the lips on your face.

Gross...told him to f off then told the bouncer who threw him out

Idrinkandiknowstuff Wed 31-Aug-16 06:36:36

I once had a bouncer come up to me in a bar in Cyprus, and inform me that "someone who works here likes you" I asked who, and apparently he couldn't tell me yet. As the night went on every man who so much as glanced in my direction was thrown out. Finally at about half one in the morning the bouncer reappeared, and announced in hushed tones that it was in fact The Owner of said bar that was interested and would I care to join him in his flat upstairs. Er no!

MuffyTheUmpireSlayer Wed 31-Aug-16 06:44:10

I had to take my phone into a shop to get the screen fixed and about five minutes after I left from collecting, it started ringing and "Jay xXx" came up as the caller ID. I don't know a Jay (and his surname wasn't "xXx" - those were kisses!) I answered - it was the guy from the phone shop asking if I'd like to "get to know him better".

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