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to think it's a bit 'off' to ask what present I gave?

(16 Posts)
VelvetSpoon Tue 30-Aug-16 22:06:46

And that what I did give was enough?

Went to a friend's relatives party recently. Was a 'special' birthday. I gave £20 in a card, which I thought was fair. The suggestion was vouchers, but I loathe vouchers, I find they always get lost or expire before I use them, plus I didn't have an opportunity to gat to that particular retailer, so gave cash instead. Birthday person is of an age where there is little materially they want or need, hence giving cash instead of a present.

Anyway a few days later friend contacts me to thank me for coming, and can I tell her specifically what I gave relative as a present?

I replied and said I gave £20. Was tempted to say why, but decided against it. No reply since.

Is it just me or is that off? I'd mentioned on the night I'd put something in a card. Why ask specifically what it was?

ProfessorPickles Tue 30-Aug-16 22:08:55

Could it be that the relative wanted to thank you for your gift but couldn't remember what exactly you gave so your friend was trying to find out?
I know when it's my sons birthday things soon get mixed up and I struggle to remember who gave him what if they've been opened all at once without the person there who gave it specifically!

VelvetSpoon Tue 30-Aug-16 22:23:34

It's possible, but seems unlikely. Relative is not really the type to write thank you cards etc, and doesn't have any of my contact details (I only know them as friends relative - actually friends in law).

NataliaOsipova Tue 30-Aug-16 22:27:01

I would think that someone wants to write a thank you to everyone who came and wants to be personal with their thanks. Often gifts do come away from cards etc so it's hard to keep track.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 30-Aug-16 22:41:06

£20 for a friend's relative, is beyond ample.
I think though. They probably want to know so as they can write out specific thank you cards.
However I can understand you being peeved. Also how embarrassing would it be. If you hadn't gave her a gift.

KC225 Tue 30-Aug-16 22:50:31

I agree with the others, it's probably less about checking what you gave and more a about who gave the gifts for thank yous

VelvetSpoon Tue 30-Aug-16 22:50:43

I hope it is for a thank you, but it's made me feel quite uncomfortable, like I'm being judged. I know some people gave more, but they know the person whose party it was much better than I do, and/ or have more money than me.

ProfessorPickles Tue 30-Aug-16 22:53:43

I think your gift was generous OP smile

VioletBam Tue 30-Aug-16 23:01:13

Did she say "Can you tell me what present you gave?"

Which is very rude.

Or was it more "What pressie did you get?"

Which is unnecessary but not really that rude.

SerenDippitee Tue 30-Aug-16 23:15:59

I would assume that the tag had fallen off a gift and they were trying to work out who it had come from.

AGenie Tue 30-Aug-16 23:17:43

Is it possible that the question just came out a bit bluntly because your friend was embarrassed to be asking it?

Memoires Tue 30-Aug-16 23:21:19

For a friend's relative I barely know? A bunch of flowers handed over at arrival, and that'd be her lot.

hesterton Tue 30-Aug-16 23:21:52

Could you not have just said you have cash in an envelope as you hate vouchers?

hesterton Tue 30-Aug-16 23:22:06


TheWitTank Tue 30-Aug-16 23:24:38

I presume it was asked so they can write thank you cards?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Tue 30-Aug-16 23:51:54

I can see you were probably put on the spot by the question. If I had time to think about it, I would probably say, 'cash'. Put on the spot, I would have said 20 quid, and then felt annoyed and slightly manipulated.

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