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AIBU to consider going on holiday with the man who has just ditched me?

(33 Posts)
BillericayDuckie Tue 30-Aug-16 18:34:21

Ok, that may be overly dramatic....

As background, last week my dp of 2 and a half years said he did not see a future with us as a couple and romantically we should go our separate ways.

I am gutted, but have to admit we have become more friends than lovers. I have therefore found somewhere else to live and am making plans to move out.

So far, despite plenty of tears on my part, the separation has been amicable and I will continue to work for his company.

We have a holiday booked for the end of the month that he paid for. Yesterday he said that he can't get a refund on the holiday and asked if I would still like to go as friends. If not, he will go alone.

I am torn. On one hand I was obviously looking forward to the holiday and I'm not sure when I will get the opportunity again due to having to manage on my own financially.

On the other hand, I'm feeling that I should concentrate on my fresh start. It's not definite yet, but the tenancy on my new home is likely to start around the time of the holiday. I also need my parents to pick up my dc from school on the day we would return (the holiday was arranged when they are spending time with their father) and I know my parents won't understand if I go (let's just say that xp is not their favourite person).


Kalispera Tue 30-Aug-16 18:37:49

I'd rip the plaster off quickly and go for the fresh start.

MoreGilmoreGirls Tue 30-Aug-16 18:40:40

I assume you'd be sharing a room together OP? I think this could be too painful and confusing. I certainly could not do it.

winchesterfan Tue 30-Aug-16 18:42:08

Why is it you both go or he goes alone?
I would see if you can change the booking to 2 separate rooms and go, but do your own thing in the day and not spend time together

ilovesooty Tue 30-Aug-16 18:43:48

I think from outside the relationship it's impossible to say but I hope you come to a decision you're comfortable with.

BillericayDuckie Tue 30-Aug-16 18:45:14

Forgot to mention it is a villa so we would have separate bedrooms.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Tue 30-Aug-16 18:45:18

Depends what sort of holiday. If it's a coupley one then hell no. If it's one where you could find a nice holiday fling entertain yourself quite happily then I might go.

Could you book a separate room?

YelloDraw Tue 30-Aug-16 18:47:18

Only you can answer this - could be messy or it could be a nice holiday.

I probably wouldn't go - clean break and all that. But if it was my only chance of a nice holiday it would be a harder decision.

AbyssinianBanana Tue 30-Aug-16 18:51:15

By working for his company, you mean he owns it and is your boss? Or you both work in a late firm on different floors and never run into each other unless you plan it?

Doesn't sound like a clean break if you'll see him everyday at work anyway.

I'd go but rent separate cars so you can go do your own thing during the day.

KC225 Tue 30-Aug-16 18:51:29

He dumped you. You should get the holiday. Maybe you can get a name change for a small fee. Take a mate.

maggiethemagpie Tue 30-Aug-16 18:53:29

I wouldn't go with him. I'd try to get him to let you take the booking and decide who you want as your plus one (not him). It's the least he can do.

If he won't do that, I'd write off the holiday, I wouldn't go with him. He could have waited until after the holiday if he had any consideration at all for your feelings to tell you it was over. Talk about adding insult to injury!

ilovesooty Tue 30-Aug-16 18:57:45

If he paid for the holiday I don't see why he has to give it to the OP and she hasn't suggested that he should.

OpenMe Tue 30-Aug-16 19:01:00

Quite nice of him to offer it to you and if you were further down the "friends" road maybe it could work but so soon, no he needs to take a mate or go alone

ClopySow Tue 30-Aug-16 19:02:10

I wouldn't. It'll just make you feel sad for what isn't.

Littleallovertheshop Tue 30-Aug-16 19:06:05

Don't do it

hownottofuckup Tue 30-Aug-16 19:06:34

I would probably go, but I am very adept and making very bad choices where relationships are concerned.

Aeroflotgirl Tue 30-Aug-16 19:08:40

I woulden't go, let him go alone, or can't he take a mate.

IsItMeOr Tue 30-Aug-16 19:09:41

I wouldn't, if I were you. But only you can really know your relationship.


HarryDaylight Tue 30-Aug-16 19:19:11

I wouldn't go. Sounds like an emotional minefield.

DiegeticMuch Tue 30-Aug-16 19:26:06

If you are absolutely sure that he's not stringing you along, and you genuinely have no hopes of a reconciliation, go. If you've a glimmer of hope that he'll change his mind about you, or if you think he might enjoy keeping you hanging, avoid the holiday.

acasualobserver Tue 30-Aug-16 19:29:46

I wouldn't. Too much opportunity for a psycho-drama. Who needs that?

JacquesHammer Tue 30-Aug-16 19:38:07

If you feel like you would find it a relaxing holiday then go - there's already the chance for separate bedrooms so no need to worry about that aspect of things.

It could be a really nice trip as friends.

I went to a gig with my ex after he had a new partner. We had a really lovely time (I spoke to the new partner and made sure she was totally happpy with it first!)

ForalltheSaints Tue 30-Aug-16 19:41:19

As it is separate rooms and a villa you should think about going.

Marylou2 Tue 30-Aug-16 19:45:08

OMG of course you shouldn't go. He just dumped you, your parents don't like him and you need to be there to pick the kids up. Don't be a doormat for this man. Bow out gracefully and find another job too. If I sound harsh it's because I've been there. Good luck and be kind to yourself.

Oysterbabe Tue 30-Aug-16 19:47:30

Don't go. It would be awful.

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