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AIBU - know I am but still can't stop feeling annoyed by DH

(135 Posts)
beachbaby18 Tue 30-Aug-16 09:39:44

Sorry for ramblings but need to vent!

DH has family down (aunt and uncle) who are staying with his parents.

Yesterday (bank holiday Monday) he plans a fishing trip with his uncle from saying he'll only be a few hours and we'll go to beer garden in afternoon for a drink with kiddies before getting a take away.

Sounds okay to me, although I'll be on my own with kiddies until they return from fishing trip.

His parents take the aunt out for the day to local town for lunch. I wasn't invited.

Fishing trip extends (now know that getting a take away for kiddies is out of question as it will be too late for them to eat) and I end up sitting in garden with kiddies having picnic dinner after going to supermarket with them to choose some goodies (thinking that hubby will join us when he gets back)

He gets back over 2 hrs later than expected and says 'are you ready to go to the pub?' Ur rr no, I'm sitting in garden with kiddies finishing our picnic. He says he has to have quick shower and race back to pub as uncle is in there on his own. His parents and aunt are on their way back from day out and meeting in there.

It's now almost bath and bedtime for kiddies who are tired so I don't take them to pub and instead bath them and do bedtime routine.

Feeling really annoyed that he's been out almost all day, pops in for 10 minutes to have a shower and then goes out to pub, regardless of me or kids.

I tell him i'm annoyed and he says that I said I wanted to stay at home and didn't want to do anything (I didn't) and his family are only visiting for a few days and I haven't made any effort to go to pub to see them.

It is then arranged that I entertain them today whilst he works......feeling so annoyed why should I entertain them today when no one cared that I was on my own with kiddies yest when they were all having fun. Now today when he's working, they want to see kids and he says I'm being unreasonable for not doing something with them!

(I'm working 10am til 1pm but then expected to be hostess with the mostest and take them out!)

2014newme Tue 30-Aug-16 09:43:52

I would have joined them for the fishing. Kids would have enjoyed it. Or you could have asked to join aunt on trip or gone somewhere else with kids.

Brentlicious Tue 30-Aug-16 09:44:30

You're right - YABU

PaulAnkaTheDog Tue 30-Aug-16 09:47:52

Sorry but are you complaining about having to spend time with your in-laws after three hours of work? confused

champagnefromapapercup Tue 30-Aug-16 09:48:47

yes your children could have gone fishing or could have gone to town with you and aunt. You were stuck not being able to join in but that's what happens with children surely. They had to go to bed. It doesn't mean both of you must stop having fun. Imagine if your family came down to visit. Plans go awry. Maybe next time knowing how you feel you could get involved with everyone. But you'd still have to have left to put children to bed. Unless you wanted your husband to leave his family while you stay there? confused

GotItInfamy Tue 30-Aug-16 09:50:48


(And double BU for 'kiddies' and 'hubby')

SleepFreeZone Tue 30-Aug-16 09:52:25

I guess it's a one off so no I probably wouldn't kick off about it.

2014newme Tue 30-Aug-16 09:54:31

Or you could have sent the kids fishing and had a day to yourself

TheGruffaloMother Tue 30-Aug-16 09:55:29

Is there something else bothering you OP? Your post makes you seem quite rigid and uncompromising. His fishing trip went over schedule but these things happen when family are visiting. I hope you still had your takeaway later on.

ChicRock Tue 30-Aug-16 09:55:36


You said yourself you wanted to stay at home, yet you seem to be moaning that your in laws didn't invite you out for the day with them and the aunt, and that your DH wanted to spend some time with visiting family.

And I'd bet "entertaining them today" actually means meeting them somewhere for a quick coffee do they can see the kids.

Try unclenching a little, life will be happier for you.

MimiSunshine Tue 30-Aug-16 09:55:37

Did he let you know he was in his way back from fishing so you and kids could be ready? Is still be annoyed st him being so much later than planned but I'd be even more pee'd off if I was just expected to jump up and get everyone up and out.
On that note if he wanted to make sure the kids saw the family why didn't he get them ready to go out or at least the eldest abs take them with him or is that your job and he just ensures he's ready every day

As for it's been arranged for you to entertain the family today, arranged by who? If you've had no say then point the family in the direction of the kids and the kitchen and say 'sorry I have xyz to do but I'm sure you'll love to give the kids their lunch, help yourself to whatever you fancy too' and make yourself scarce

DoreenLethal Tue 30-Aug-16 09:56:36

I'm working 10am til 1pm but then expected to be hostess with the mostest and take them out!

'Oh dear, something came up and I had to stay at work. Never mind. Perhaps next time, use the weekend to see them.'

yes your children could have gone fishing or could have gone to town with you and aunt

They were not invited to any of the activities!

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Tue 30-Aug-16 10:01:30

Seriously, because you've made a point of mentioning it in your OP, what is so wrong about having your children on your own and being left with them? They're you're own children! Is their company really that shit?

VioletBam Tue 30-Aug-16 10:01:52

YABU. Be more flexible about life in general. Bedtime is not set in stone. Especially when relatives are visiting.

Also could you have said "kiddies" ANY more?

Crunchymum Tue 30-Aug-16 10:04:25

If this is a one off then yes YABU.

If it's a regular thing or there are other issues with the relationship the YANBU

rollonthesummer Tue 30-Aug-16 10:05:30

How old are your children and what were the times in this?
DH went fishing at
DH due back at
DH actually came back at
Went to the pub at


pinkyredrose Tue 30-Aug-16 10:07:20

YANBU in that your husband sounds selfish and thoughtless. YABU for continually using the word kiddies.

beachbaby18 Tue 30-Aug-16 10:07:52

You are all probably right and thought I was BU.

Kiddies are 3 and 17 months so not ideal for fishing, they wouldn't sit still and would annoy others by being noisy (it was at a proper fishing lake).

I should have invited myself yest perhaps to go with his parents but I got the impression when she rang to speak to DH that they were having a leisurely day.

As it was I did have fun with the kids, we played in paddling pool etc

Think I just feel annoyed that Dh can go out without a second thought about 17 month old whilst I'm left at home breastfeeding 😬 and entertaining the youngsters and he just assumed I wanted to stay home! Think I imagined us spending a family day with/without his family.

Today I am now doing afternoon tea for his family and then taking them out for dinner tonight - think I'll Prob feel more involved and maybe not so annoyed at feeling taken for granted by Dh!

Thanks for all your advice .....didn't realise I was so uptight😢

rollonthesummer Tue 30-Aug-16 10:08:05

I sort of see where you're coming from though. My in laws wouldn't come down and go out for lunch without inviting me/children and if they did, I probably wouldn't be thrilled at DH telling me I was in charge of entertaining them the next day whilst he worked.

manyathingyouknow Tue 30-Aug-16 10:09:14

Stop calling them kiddies. That alone makes me think YABU

Mycatsabastard Tue 30-Aug-16 10:11:23

yabu for using the vomit-inducing phrases of kiddies and hubby.

But yes yabu. You sound like you want to make no effort to get involved, you sound resentful of having to look after your own children on your own and you clearly don't want to see his relatives.

Just make an effort. Why couldn't you have taken the dc to the pub last night? Put them in a buggy in pj's and they'd have fallen asleep if they were tired.

DoreenLethal Tue 30-Aug-16 10:11:24

Seriously, because you've made a point of mentioning it in your OP, what is so wrong about having your children on your own and being left with them? They're you're own children! Is their company really that shit?

It's about being the default childcarer and entertainer. He can do what he wants without asking whilst she has to take orders and entertain.

Lilaclily Tue 30-Aug-16 10:14:18

I don't think it's very nice being left alone in bank holiday weekend though

Instead of going to the pub why couldn't his family have chosen more children friendly activities like the park ?

No idea why you're being told yabu op I'm with you !

tofutti Tue 30-Aug-16 10:14:32

He's a dick.

Who was going to watch the kids while you both went to the pub at the kids bedtime?

Why did he volunteer you to entertain his aunt and uncle without asking you?

Why didn't he ask his mum and dad to invite you and the kids to town for lunch?

liquidrevolution Tue 30-Aug-16 10:14:35

YANBU in my opinion. You did right sticking to your guns and not dragging DC out to a pub so close to their bedtime.

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