Advanced search

Be annoyed at my children's step mum for her lack of acknowledgement of them?

(131 Posts)
bumblingapril Tue 30-Aug-16 09:12:18

My exhusband has been married to his new wife for 8 years. They have 2 little girls and they all get on very well with my 13 and 11 year old. She appears to be a great step mum generally I just get very annoyed at his wife as she never offers to take my children anywhere alone, it always has to be with my ex and their kids too. And she never comes to any events for my kids (ie plays or football matches)

She also calls them "my husbands children" and I hear from friends there are hardly ever pictures of my kids on her social media and if there are, their referred to as "dd sister or dd's brother".

Would it be to much for her to refer to them as her step kids or become nor involved in their life as such? We have all accepted her as part of their life in a parental role but it doesn't feel like she feels the same?

LumpyMcBentface Tue 30-Aug-16 09:13:55

Why would she take your children out alone?

Never mind all the rest of it. I think your expectations are way off.

Littleelffriend Tue 30-Aug-16 09:14:52

You're being totally unreasonable

NeeNahh Tue 30-Aug-16 09:17:20

I bet if she referred to them as her children and insisted on taking them out alone she'd be criticised for being overbearing and nor knowing when to take a step back.

DerekSprechenZeDick Tue 30-Aug-16 09:17:20

This is not what I expected. Usually people are kicking off because step parents are doing this kind of stuff

I think she's made boundaries as not to step on anyone's toes.

YABU but nice to see a different step mum thread

Gmbk Tue 30-Aug-16 09:17:52


She sounds fine. Why would you want her to be so involved?

2014newme Tue 30-Aug-16 09:17:54

Why would she take out your children without hers?

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Tue 30-Aug-16 09:17:57

You are expecting far too much. Focus on her being a great step mum and the things she does rather than the things she doesn't do.

CaptainMarvelDanvers Tue 30-Aug-16 09:18:00

I feel bad for step-parents I often think they can't win.

A lot of step-parents, step-especially, who get bashed for being too involved in their step-children's lives.

EdmundCleverClogs Tue 30-Aug-16 09:18:08

Umm, yes you are being unreasonable hmm. Do your children have an issue with her?

CaptainMarvelDanvers Tue 30-Aug-16 09:18:33

*step-mums not step-especially. Sorry!

Crispbutty Tue 30-Aug-16 09:18:36

She has probably read the postseason here about stepmothers so is trying not to get too involved.

You sound very nice, and not the norm of slating a stepmother for taking interest in her stepchildren.

Crispbutty Tue 30-Aug-16 09:19:09

Postseason??? Posts on

jumpjumpformylove Tue 30-Aug-16 09:19:10

Maybe she doesn't want to overstep her role. Otherwise, your question may have been, "My ex-husband's wife thinks she's my children's mother. It's not her place to put pics of them on Facebook or take them out without husband being there."

Instead, perhaps she's being respectful.

Chasingsquirrels Tue 30-Aug-16 09:19:24

She probably doesn't want to step on you toes, you see enough posts on here about step mums who (in mum's eyes) over-involve themselves.

KittyVonCatsington Tue 30-Aug-16 09:19:30

When I was 13 and had a new 'Step Father'-I hated referring to him as that and always referred to him by his name or 'My Mother's Husband'.
Your wishes don't come into this. Do you daughters even what to go on trips with her alone?
Nah. I think the Step Mum knows her boundaries. You don't appear to...

RebootYourEngine Tue 30-Aug-16 09:20:27

There could be a few reasons why she is like this. One could be because she sees that you are their mum and doesnt want to overstep the mark by being close to them. We have all seen threads on here where some mums are annoyed if their kids step parent treats the children like their own.

DoreenLethal Tue 30-Aug-16 09:21:57

Step mothers can never do anything right.

Just back the fuck off and let her get on with it.

Astoria797 Tue 30-Aug-16 09:22:15

YABU. Your kids already have a mum: you. It's not her job to mum them; it's her job to make sure they're safe when they're with her & to ensure they get to meet & bond with her kids. It sounds like she's doing an admirable job there, not sure why you need more.

paxillin Tue 30-Aug-16 09:22:52

It's a difficult balance to strike for a stepmum. She doesn't want to step on your toes and your kids have a mum after all. Not everyone is comfortable with the word "step", it has some baggage. I call myself Nat's stepmum, but other stepparents I know prefer "DW's child/ DD's brother".

*not Nat of course

limon Tue 30-Aug-16 09:24:17


AnotherUsernameBitesTheDust Tue 30-Aug-16 09:28:18

So she should leave her own children at home with your children's dad (who your children are there to see) and take them out? Where do you think she should be taking them?

And maybe it's your ex who's asked her not to put photos on Facebook? Or maybe your DDs?

She seems like she's respecting you as their mum and not trying to butt in.

harderandharder2breathe Tue 30-Aug-16 09:28:42

Yabu she's not their mum, she sounds like a great step mum

Frogers Tue 30-Aug-16 09:28:54

I think you're getting wound up about nothing if I'm honest.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Tue 30-Aug-16 09:35:33

I don't really understand why you think she should take your DC out by herself? Why would she?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now