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To feel insecure and paranoid

(17 Posts)
Notsurewhyimhere Mon 29-Aug-16 23:16:08

So I've turned into one of them posters that posts about the same topic but posting here purely for traffic.

So I've been speaking to a guy for 2 years. We live about 3 hours apart and have yet to meet. I am in a wheelchair so isn't as straightforward as just jumping on a train.

He doesn't have a job and I don't know want him to be able to afford to eat or pay bills due to the cost of him travelling down here.

Anyway we stopped speaking for about 8 months due to the fact I didn't feel like it was going anywhere and felt it was kind of pointless speaking to someone if we weren't ever gonna meet.

So fast forward and he gets back in contact. I thought this time things would be different as I am learning to drive which would mean me being able to go up there.

The problem now is I have to had to delay my driving test. I'm bored of the whole FaceTime/text thing and decided to bite the bullet and offer to get the train up. His response was he'd let me know a date (bear in mind it's not like he has work commitments) and still he's not told me a date.

I understand the wheelchair is a scary prospect but I wish he'd just tell me if he's scared and we can work through it. It's crossed my mind that he may well have a gf.

Tell me if I'm being unreasonable to feel crap about myself and constantly be in a permanent state of paranoia.

Hopefully I've included everything and won't be one of them posters that drip feeds.

charlie2405 Tue 30-Aug-16 02:30:14

YABU to yourself.
Sounds like this man for whatever reason is stringing you along. I don't think it's any issue on your behalf tbh the issue is his. Perhaps he doeznt want to ruin what you have or perhaps he has a girlfriend? Could be the wheelchair but I'm assuming you've had a chat about what that entails? How did he react talking about it before?
I think ultimately you have to ask him.bluntly what the problem is and make your mind up if you want to waste any more time on him OP. Good luck! flowers

ConvincingLiar Tue 30-Aug-16 02:47:52

I suppose he might be wanting to save up in order to treat you when you visit?

Notsurewhyimhere Tue 30-Aug-16 12:50:02

Charlie he seemed fine about the wheelchair said he'd do everything he could to help me. I've had numerous conversations with him about it cos the whole situation is getting ridiculous and he keeps saying he wants to meet me, I'm just being paranoid and he'd be honest with me if he didn't wanna meet.

Notsurewhyimhere Tue 30-Aug-16 12:50:47

Convincing as much as I'd love that to be true sadly I don't think it is the case sad

VladmirsPoutine Tue 30-Aug-16 12:53:37

I think not having met after 2 years is basically the long and short of it. This doesn't sound like a goer - it sounds more like a pen pal type of thing. Upwards and onwards for you OP.

SaucyJack Tue 30-Aug-16 12:55:30

Two years is a long time. I don't think you're being paranoid TBH.

Are you wanting to meet him for an actual date, or just as friends? Are you sure he's on the same wavelength as you?

Notsurewhyimhere Tue 30-Aug-16 13:02:48

I've told him if he wanted a pen pal he should of made it clear from day one. I just feel really hurt tbh I've turned down an opportunity to go on the undateables for him yet he can't be bothered to meet me.

We both agreed that we'd meet up and see how things went. I just want him to be completely open and honest that's not asking for much is it?

echelon Tue 30-Aug-16 13:05:35

Being in a wheelchair doesn't make you "undateable." You do know that, don't you?

Notsurewhyimhere Tue 30-Aug-16 13:08:43

Do you know what dating is the only part of being in a wheelchair that I really do struggle with. I probably have a very negative attitude where that's concerned. I constantly worry I'm gonna be alone forever

AnchorDownDeepBreath Tue 30-Aug-16 13:09:57

You posted about him a few weeks ago, didn't you?

The advice is the same. He's not interested. It's likely nothing to do with your wheelchair, and you've already made far too many excuses for him. He doesn't want to meet you. He's not interested in this being anything other than someone to talk too when he's bored that requires zero effort.

Please don't waste any more time on him.

SaucyJack Tue 30-Aug-16 13:10:52

You won't be alone forever- but you've got far more chance of meeting someone if you stop flogging this particular dead horse and move on to someone who actually wants to meet up with you in person.

Draw a line mate.

MoosLikeJagger Tue 30-Aug-16 13:16:36

Didn't you post about this guy a couple of weeks ago, OP? Maybe it was someone else in a very similar situation.

Anyway - yes, YABU to feel crap about yourself and in a state of paranoia. Also, YWBU to spend any more of your life fretting about this time-waster. He's had two years to make a move. Either he's got so many issues he can't, or he just won't. You deserve better than this.

MoosLikeJagger Tue 30-Aug-16 13:18:01


AnchorDownDeepBreath Tue 30-Aug-16 13:18:16

It's really unlikely to have anything to do with your wheelchair. Sadly it's probable that he spotted your self esteem is through the floor and knows that means if he pays you good attention; you're unlikely to call things off. That's what men like him do.

FullTimeYummy Tue 30-Aug-16 13:29:13

Before this descends into a "men just like being puppet masters, forget him" MN cliché, have you considered that the chap might have health problems of his own that affect his ability to meet people IRL.

Notsurewhyimhere Tue 30-Aug-16 18:30:10

Thank you for everyone's comments. Yes I did post about this a couple weeks ago. We had a massive argument and I thought things might end up changing but clearly not.

If he has got health problems that's stopping him then if he explained I would be as understanding and accepting of the situation as possible. I'm not a monster and he should know me well enough to talk things through with me.

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