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AIBU to tell them to piss off, it's my wedding!

(89 Posts)
Christine88 Mon 29-Aug-16 19:13:52

Me and DP have talked about getting married for years now but children and maternity pay and bills have sort of pushed it back. We're now at a point where we can seriously start to think about getting married, we're going to have to save and I'm reluctant to spend ridiculous amounts of money on a wedding!
Anyway we came up with the idea that maybe we could go away to get married, still somewhere in England but a nice beach wedding where we can stay for a couple of weeks have the wedding in the middle and have a holiday either side of it! It'll be cheaper as I know not everyone will travel and we won't have to invite as many people as we might have a party at home in the local pub or something.
Nothing is set in stone yet but this is the way we're thinking of going.
Anyway I mentioned this to my sister who I'm very close too. She has 3 children and we help each other with childcare and go on play dates together and have nights out with shared friends etc
My sister freaked out, called me selfish, said not every one can get the time off work or afford it and what's the point of getting married if I don't share it with the whole family!
What shall I do?

We have a huge family and I like about 5 of them! We never see each other unless there's a wedding or a funeral! And I don't particularly want practically strangers at my wedding!!

TheWitTank Mon 29-Aug-16 19:16:35

I felt the same as you, got pushed into having the wedding I didn't want by moaning family and then hated it. Can't even look at my wedding pictures. Take it from me, do what YOU want.

chocoLit Mon 29-Aug-16 19:17:19

Elope.

Have party when home.

Job done.

neonrainbow Mon 29-Aug-16 19:18:19

Do it the way you want. Even if you piss people off.

rollonthesummer Mon 29-Aug-16 19:18:23

Presumably your sister would struggle to afford that. How much do you want her there?

pauldacreshairlessnutsack Mon 29-Aug-16 19:18:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ny20005 Mon 29-Aug-16 19:19:31

It's your wedding, do what you both want. Start as you mean to go on or you'll end up with a 3 ring circus dictated by both families & you'll both be miserable !

Magstermay Mon 29-Aug-16 19:19:50

Do what you want to do, but consider the people you really want to be there-is your sister speaking about herself or others?

BeALert Mon 29-Aug-16 19:19:54

Just consider her the first of many who will criticise your plans. It doesn't matter what you do. Someone will be offended.

SlightlyperturbedOwl Mon 29-Aug-16 19:22:56

We just arranged the tiny wedding we wanted and sent invites a month before. Never mentioned it until that, though I had discreetly checked no one we wanted there had a holiday booked. All parents etc managed to attend but any attempts to hijack it were met with 'it's already booked and too late to make changes now'. Have the wedding you want smile

Christine88 Mon 29-Aug-16 19:23:14

She can afford it, she got married a couple of years ago and had what I can only describe as my worst nightmare with the massive dress, ridiculously expensive venue 8 bridesmaids and 200+ guests and she loved being the centre of attention. I'm a lot more reserved than her and can't think of anything worse than being put on show like that!
It's the way she freaked out when I was just telling her that we'd finally started to properly think about it!

RumAppleGinger Mon 29-Aug-16 19:23:51

DH and I fucked off to Mexico and didn't invite anyone. It was bliss. Our wedding took precisely 20 minutes to plan and cost a fraction of what people often spend on their wedding day and we got a two week, all inclusive holiday to boot!

We had a party in a pub when we got home which was fun but not in any way stressful.

Do what you and DP want to do. People might shout their mouths off initially but in the long run they won't care.

SarcasmMode Mon 29-Aug-16 19:28:05

Do it how you like and then have a party at home when you get back. Hire a hall/bar or something and celebrate with those who can't go.
Mehta part of UK you in? If in London you could go to Brighton say, so technically sister will only have to take 2 days max off.

ChampagneCommunist Mon 29-Aug-16 19:28:50

You can't have a beach wedding in England & Wales - they have to be held in licensed buildings to be legal

ohidoliketobe Mon 29-Aug-16 19:29:51

Oh god. I find weddings are like child rearing - every fucker has a opinion. Do what you want and don't be pressured into anything.

We managed to keep control of our wedding and did it roughly as originally planned (did conceed on a few elements with the view that certain battles aren't worth fighting, example being MIL's friend had a chair cover hire business. We didn't want them. MIL thought they'd look nice and was going to pay for them. Just said whatever.)

We did say all along through the planning the minute it started to feel like we were doing this to just please other people we would elope in secret and jusy do a big party if we felt like it at a later date. A friend did this during a weekend break in Cornwall. Just her and her now husband. Witnesses were the photographer and florist they'd booked. Pictures look just perfect. They're now husband and wife, same end result and that's all that matters really.

Lj8893 Mon 29-Aug-16 19:31:21

Do what you want to do, it's your wedding.

I will say though that as far as I'm aware there is very little places where you can get legally married on the beach in the UK. Bournemouth have a licensed beach wedding venue but it's pricey!

alfagirl73 Mon 29-Aug-16 19:32:15

Erm... call me old fashioned, but to me, the point of getting married is to make a commitment to your partner. Marriage is about a lot more than a big party for a load of people you hardly ever see.

Do what YOU want. It's YOUR wedding and more importantly, it's YOUR marriage. I think your idea sounds absolutely lovely! I'd say don't give people the opportunity to start interfering and having a strop about it; go ahead with your partner and arrange it - THEN tell the people YOU want to invite. Those who want to be there and can be there, will be there. Keep it simple. If anyone gets nasty... well... if that's their attitude do you really want them at your wedding?

Alternatively, go away somewhere and get married really quietly just the two of you, and make it special for you - and then just have a nice intimate gathering when you get home - a nice meal or something with a select few who you really want there.

Whatever you do, don't get drawn into spending a fortune on a big do just to please other people, and don't design your wedding around what other people want. It's YOU that has to remember it for the rest of your lives - no one else.

OlennasWimple Mon 29-Aug-16 19:33:08

Did she maybe think that you were expecting everyone to be there for a two week holiday, as well as your wedding?

Vvlgari Mon 29-Aug-16 19:34:26

Do what you want to do. A friend and her DP eloped because his family had started putting the pressure on. They all got over it very quickly.

BackforGood Mon 29-Aug-16 19:38:06

I don't understand the 'going away but expecting others to come with us' idea.

Either get married at home and make it all about family and friends

or

Go away on your own because you want to avoid having a party.
You can't really expect other people to be keen to travel with all the extra hassle and expense that brings.

You can of course, Just have your wedding where you live, with the 5 people you like / want there. Staying home doesn't mean you have to turn it into a circus.

Sn0tnose Mon 29-Aug-16 19:44:22

I think that you should stick to your guns. Bugger everyone else and what their ideas for your wedding should be. If they want to impose their ideas then they can arrange their own wedding. It's supposed to be a day where you're incredibly happy.

Having said that, if you so much as raise an eyebrow because people can't or won't fit in with what you want, then that would make you incredibly unreasonable indeed.

SirKillalot Mon 29-Aug-16 19:44:49

As someone else said you can't just get married on a beach, it has to be a licensed venue and you have to stand under something. Unless you do the legal bit in a registry office first then have a humanist ceremony on the beach.

If you're having a party back home then do what you want, you just have to expect that if it's far away or costs a lot to travel then guests may not come.

RaeSkywalker Mon 29-Aug-16 19:45:03

Have the day you want to have. As long as you don't get upset if some of the people you do want there can't make it, that's fine. As people often say on here- your sister should know it's an invite, not a summons, and make her decision about whether to attend or not. Maybe don't tell her that he wedding was your worst nightmare though- it might be true, but it's not the best way to diffuse tension wink

RaeSkywalker Mon 29-Aug-16 19:45:45

^'her wedding', not 'he wedding' 🙄

GabsAlot Mon 29-Aug-16 19:46:55

do what u like dont do what others expect

but like previous pp have said u prob cant get married on a lot of beaches here

i gt married in vegas my parents ils sisters and best friend came

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