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To want to wring his bloody neck

(20 Posts)
WannaBeDifferent Mon 29-Aug-16 04:15:13

DD is 18 . She used to go out with a lad that was no good - in trouble with police - steals for a living . It was a dark time , DD went totally off the rails ( I've posted many times in teens under old name).

Anyway this last year or so she has totally turned things around - got an apprenticeship that she is excelling at , won an award etc . and has been lovely to live with .

Last week she was asked out by a new lad , works in London , nice car - lovely. We spent today getting ready, I did her hair , painted her nails . She was nervous but excited.

Lad picked her up in his car and off they went.

A few hours later she was hammering in the door , I let her in and she was ranting and raving - she'd been sitting in new lads car chatting at the top of our road when old boyfriend turned up. She'd got out of the car, told new lad to drive off (old BF is happy to use his fists) and old BF has fucking snatched her phone and run off with it .

I called the police , that was 3 hours ago and not heard anything .

DD went off to find old BF ( I tried to stop her) . She's just got back thankfully in one piece with her phone.

New lad , unsurprisingly , doesn't want to see her again.

She won't talk about it - how did old BF know where she was ? I'm fucking livid.

Rumpelstiltskin143 Mon 29-Aug-16 04:25:05

Has she got an iPhone? Has he got a find my iPhone on his phone? He could be tracking her every move.

WannaBeDifferent Mon 29-Aug-16 04:30:28

I don't know what phone he has , he used to have all different ones . It's a scary thought though .

GoldFishFingerz Mon 29-Aug-16 04:38:23

How does she know he doesn't want to see her again?

WannaBeDifferent Mon 29-Aug-16 04:44:22

When she came back she went into FB on her laptop and was messaging him .

Motherfuckers Mon 29-Aug-16 04:47:59

Do you think she is still in touch with old BF?

Motherfuckers Mon 29-Aug-16 04:49:05

But why did she get out of the car?

Cocklodger Mon 29-Aug-16 04:49:34

Yanbu. This old lad is clearly abusive and unhinged.
Call the police report everything he's done in TOTAL not just phone theft tonight. Get your DD support via victim support if available. Get her on the freedom project with women's aid so she can be stronger, have a support network of people wider than you and immediate friends/family and for the love of god please try to keep her away from him. I'd be looking into a restraining order and broaching the subject with DD

WannaBeDifferent Mon 29-Aug-16 04:51:49

She says they have talked on and off . I've no idea why she got out of the car . She won't say .

I've done the Mum thing and fired loads of questions at her but she's just got more and more upset . 'Just leave it Mum' type replies .

I'm just trying to get my head round what the duck happened .

WannaBeDifferent Mon 29-Aug-16 04:53:33

I mentioned a restraining order but she said no . She didn't want me to call the police as she wanted to handle it herself . I did call the police but still not heard back .

Cocklodger Mon 29-Aug-16 04:56:16

It's bloody difficult when family members won't get help sad I'm sorry you're in this situation OP.
Can you afford to buy her a new phone with a new number? Might help if he is tracking her with her phone as a PP suggested however this relies on her not giving him her info and not using anything like the Android and iPhone location services sad it's a tough one

WannaBeDifferent Mon 29-Aug-16 04:59:32

It is very tough sad . I thought we'd seen the back of all this drama, it makes me feel physically sick with worry that we will go back to the 'dark days'

She's 18 now so I can't make her do anything and she's so hard to talk to .

Cocklodger Mon 29-Aug-16 05:24:37

For what it's worth I was in a similar situation with a similar bloke. However I was well off the rails and 16 when it started. I saw sense. Got my head out of my arse and have worked very bloody hard to straighten myself out years on and am now doing well. That being said I did have a few wobbles and didn't have a clean break and did message my ex a few times and give into his stalkerish crap behaviour. But I saw sense eventually and I'm.doing OK now which is the main thing for you to keep in mind. Your dd will be OK.

WannaBeDifferent Mon 29-Aug-16 05:27:14

Thankyou , I hope she sees sense and breaks all contact.

VioletBam Mon 29-Aug-16 05:33:35

I also had similar and lost a nice new boyfriend because of it. It passes OP...it does.

DD will meet another nice fella no doubt.x

MeDownSouth Mon 29-Aug-16 08:27:27

www.suzylamplugh.org/ might find some advice there?

Penfold007 Mon 29-Aug-16 08:57:52

You may have to consider that she's been keeping in touch with him and she told him she was on a date.

Collarsandcutoffs Mon 29-Aug-16 09:03:50

How difficult OP I'm sorry

If the new lad drops her that quickly he wasn't much cop anyway.

Let her be for a day or two hen talk to her in a quiet moment. I find going out for a walk together helps as they can't strop off and the not directly looking at each other makes it less confrontational.

This may well be the episode that makes her break all contact.

Was she being dropped at home? Sounds like the old bf could have been hanging about on off chance unless he saw her out of town with the new guy.
Def ring the DV unit via local police for stalker advice

And possible scare your DD with the stats on women killed or injured by abusive (ex) partners. She needs to cut him off and report any incidences ASAP.

Sorry you are going through this

SeenYourArse Mon 29-Aug-16 09:24:25

Sorry but I Disagree Collars.. If he's a nice lad he most likely saw the situation and exchange and thought he's better off out if it and doesn't want to get involved in any trouble over someone he has literally known a couple of hours. Sounds a sensible lad to me and one that would have/could be good for her.

WannaBeDifferent Mon 29-Aug-16 10:25:08

That's crossed my mind Penfold

I don't blame the new lad for not wanting to get involved - sensible really

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