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People who refer to themselves as Mummy it daddy

(87 Posts)
fj3568 Mon 29-Aug-16 00:56:32

Can't beat it. Why do people refer to themselves as mummy or daddy in the third person, smacks of a loss of identity.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 29-Aug-16 01:02:24

Themselves or each other?

I call my husband "daddy" insofar as I'll say "what is daddy doing/daddy will be home soon" and "don't kick mummy whilst she's changing your nappy" etc to the toddler.

I don't refer to myself as mummy or him as daddy once the toddler is in bed.

I call him fuckwit babe or his actual given name when we're alone.

LikeDylanInTheMovies Mon 29-Aug-16 01:07:59

To a child:

Mummy will be home soon
Daddy has gone to the shops

Fine IMO!

But if you mean talking to their partner (with or without the child present) and addressing each other as 'mummy and daddy' is just nauseatingly twee so YANBU.

apatheticfallacy Mon 29-Aug-16 01:12:53

When speaking to a toddler it's to reinforce what people are called/avoid confusing pronouns. It's beneficial to the child - Google 'parentese' if you want to learn some of the psychology behind it.

If our toddler isn't around then it's usually ironically and in private between DH and I. And the dog, she's embroiled in all this too.

LilQueenie Mon 29-Aug-16 01:18:32

nothing wrong with it but it is disturbing to see parents of 40 odd somethings calling each other mum/dad.

Dazedandconfusedtoomuchpeppa Mon 29-Aug-16 01:24:05

How else are babies meant to learn language like "mummy" and "daddy"?

PinkyOfPie Mon 29-Aug-16 01:26:22

Really? Loss of identity? hmm

We do it because it prevents our 3yo from calling us by our 1st names

midcenturymodern Mon 29-Aug-16 01:35:08

Because language acquisition is a developmental process. Pronouns are understood later than proper nouns.

GreatFuckability Mon 29-Aug-16 01:45:25

I've never refered to myself in the third person and my children have managed to work out that I'm Mammy.hmm
Children don't need to be patronised to acquire language.

PinkyOfPie Mon 29-Aug-16 01:52:29

Great have you never even said something like "Mummy's going to put you to bed tonight?"

Would never have thought that was patronising confused unless you're saying it to your 17yo envy

PinkyOfPie Mon 29-Aug-16 01:52:43

Oops envy should have been grin

GreatFuckability Mon 29-Aug-16 01:56:01

pinky no, not ever. I say 'I am going to put you to bed tonight, daddy will do it tomorrow'. Talking to children in baby talk is patronising and wholly unnecessary, they will acquire language just the same.

PinkyOfPie Mon 29-Aug-16 02:00:32

Speaking to small children in a way they understand is patronising?...ok then.
hmm

From 18 months or so my DD started calling us by our first names as that's what we called each other in front of her. Now we say 'mummy' and 'daddy' for that reason. I honestly can't see the issue with this confused

GreatFuckability Mon 29-Aug-16 02:07:51

I didn't say don't talk to them in a way they can understand, I am a SLT, I talk to children at an age/understanding appropriate level, but refering to myself in the third person to a child isn't helping them to understand anything. If anything its confusing- the pronoun 'I' refers to the self, except when mammy is talking about herself. that doesn't make logical sense. They learn your name, the way they learn everyone elses name, by hearing others use it.I refer to their dad as 'daddy', he refers to me as 'mammy' as do most people when talking about us to the children, so they learned that way who we are.
In the same way I won't ever refer to a duck as 'quack quack' or a dog as a 'doggie', I wont refer to myself as 'mammy'.
I'm not saying it's an issue, if you choose to do it, thats fine. I choose not to, which has worked equally well for us.

ImissGrannyW Mon 29-Aug-16 02:08:59

Great, so you consider it patronising to refer to parents in the 3rd person, but you also say you assign those labels yourself: -
* I say 'I am going to put you to bed tonight, daddy will do it tomorrow'.*
Doesn't matter whether it's your or your DH/DP, it's the same thing.

It's not patronising, it's talking to children in terms they understand. Also known as educating.

Not to de-rail, but when DH and I got married, we were so excited to BE married we referred to each other as "a Hubs" and "a wife" (or, occasionally, a wifelet). It didn't diminish us as individuals, it celebrated our love, and was just between us. When our DD was born we had various names for her other than the name we'd given her.

All of it was a celebration of love and built out of joy, and private between ourselves. Not patronising or diminishing or twee.

PersianCatLady Mon 29-Aug-16 02:09:42

We do it because it prevents our 3yo from calling us by our 1st names
I hate hearing kids calling their own parents by their first names.

Although when I sometimes go to football with my Dad I have to call him by his first name to get his attention as shouting out Dad in a crowd of mainly men usually gets everybody except my Dad to turn around and look at me.

GreatFuckability Mon 29-Aug-16 02:13:31

*Great, so you consider it patronising to refer to parents in the 3rd person, but you also say you assign those labels yourself: -
* I say 'I am going to put you to bed tonight, daddy will do it tomorrow'.*
Doesn't matter whether it's your or your DH/DP, it's the same thing.*

I said I wouldn't refer to MYSELF in the third person. Calling my children's father by the name they use for him, isn't talking about him in the third person. Its refering to him by his 'name' to all intents and purposes. I wouldn't call him 'daddy' when speaking directly to him, I would call him Bob. So, no, it isn't the same thing at all.

HappenedForAReisling Mon 29-Aug-16 02:23:36

I do, but only to the dogs.

To the kids it's I or me.

willoughbywolf Mon 29-Aug-16 02:27:18

People get wound up about the weirdest things here confused

I sometimes refer to myself as 'mummy' in the third person when talking to DS. Last time I checked the title was accurate, so I don't feel in any great danger of losing my identity...

Redglitter Mon 29-Aug-16 02:41:44

I had a relative who called herror husband daddy any time she spoke to him. Even once their family had left home. I was assuming that was the kind of thing the OP meant. Adults calling each other mummy/daddy instead of their names. Kinda like 'There you are mummy' handing her a cup.of coffee..(possibly when children aren't even around) Very different to saying to a child 'Will we make mummy a coffee'

GreatFuckability Mon 29-Aug-16 02:51:14

exactly redglitter. I talk to my children the same way I would talk to anyone, I wouldn't say to my boss 'Great is going to make coffee, would Bosslady like one?', so I dont feel the need to do it when speaking to my children.

My point was that either way, my children and the children of my friends have figured out who was who, so its not a necessary thing to do in order for children to acquire language. It may be true they learn to SAY proper nouns before pronouns, but it doesn't necessarily follow that they understand them in that order. Many linguists disagree with the need for/use of motherese as a necessary step in child language acquisition. So, then, it comes down a persona choice of how to speak, doesn't it?
I choose not to, as I find it twee and odd to speak that way. If others feel differently, thats entirely their choice, makes no odds to me.

Ham69 Mon 29-Aug-16 08:41:31

nothing wrong with it but it is disturbing to see parents of 40 odd somethings calling each other mum/dad
What if you're an ancient parent like me and had a child at 5 months off 40? grin

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Mon 29-Aug-16 08:49:08

Why is it a loss of identity? I am a mum, that's part of my identity.

It really isn't a big deal, if you don't like it, don't do it.

OpenMe Mon 29-Aug-16 08:49:15

There's a parent at school who when she phones the school office says "hello, it's DD1 & Dd2's mummy". Now that is nauseating.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Mon 29-Aug-16 08:49:37

I do this to my cockatiel and budgies. blush

Mummy's got to go to work now to buy you TOYS

chiiiiiiirup

blush blush blush

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