to ask if you have and why you have let go of some long friendships?(126 Posts)
Because she was shit at keeping in touch.
"I'll phone you back once EE is over"
eight months later
"What's going on with you, honey? Havent heard from you in ages! Miss you."
Being in very different places in our lives. None of my friendships have ended in a hostile away but I've drifted apart from people.
I got rid of 2, in the same year for very different reasons.
1. She shouted at me and was very rude. I knew she was stressed but she didn't apologise for it. It snowballed and she got nasty instead of apologising. I took a long hard look at her from a distance and decided she wasn't really a nice person and I had let her get away with all kinds of stuff for too long. Her stress was all self inflicted and I was the punchbag. Used to be so close. I blocked her and we will never make up.
2. Can't go into details but I objected to a very big life changing decision that I thought, as a friend was absolutely awful ans I couldn't not say something and we never ever recovered from it.
Because when her husband left her, she became obsessed with online dating/new men. Constantly checking her phone when we get together - which was only twice a year. Never keeps in touch. Nothing for birthday/Xmas any more for my ds/her godson. Schoolfriend. Known each other 35 years. V sad about it
I made a conscious decision to abandon a long term friendship. She was selfish and destructive. She hated the fact that I had a DP because I'm "the fat funny one" and she's the "thin pretty one". I feel sad that she doesn't know I've got married and have a DS, but better in the long run for not having her in my life.
When I got married, moved to a different part of the country and had Dcs, a very dear friend was only interested in seeing me on my own and only if I made the effort and travelled to her to go shopping / drinking etc. It saddens me that we lost touch but we were living very different lives.
Yes, 2 friendships.
The first was an awful friendship which lasted for over 20 years; we bacame friends when I was very young, pregnant and vulnerable, she was a dreadful liar and specialised in making me feel inadequate and bad about myself, my life and my decisions. It took me 20 years to see that she was not a good friend.. I am ashamed to say that I was not brave enought to tell her and just froze her out.
The second was after 13 years of listening to a friends problems, the same ones over and over, draining to say the least. She knew nothing of me and my life, she never asked. When she finally offloaded her useless partner, she had affairs with married men and that was it. I just sort of phased her out gently.
I am now very wary and have very few friends and don't get close to any of them. It suits me better that way..
1) I found that if things went a little, or a lot, bent, or I had bad news I would be thinking how to avoid telling her. How best to cover up my feelings to ward over any probing questions. Because she seemed to use crap happening to me as an exercise in her feeling better about herself, at my expense.
2) She was child free by choice. Until I got pregnant. And then she got pregnant too, just weeks later, despite her husband's evident unhappiness at this sudden change of plan. Becuase, "this way we won't grow apart with different interests and priorities".
I fled the friendship by the time her baby was a year old.
I still don't know how we became friends. Aside from a common nationality/language we had fuck all in common. It's like she decided I would suit her needs and just ... became my friend. And I was too easy going and oblivious to notice. I'm a former forces baby, so friendships were just things that happened depending on how quickly others accepted you. I went into them on the basis that you don't need to be too picky cos you'd be moving soon anyway. I did not have the defences I needed to avoid that relationship getting off the ground.
I do now. I learned the hard way. But I learned.
Yes, when she started criticizing everything I did, and I even caught her making fun of me. Not very nice!
One of my dearest friends only ever phoned/texted after 11pm when she was on her third bottle of wine. It was "funny" ish the first few times but became a nuisance, this was on weeknights too some of the time. I actually began to suss out when it might happen, as she'd start putting things on FB about 8pm "wine o clock" and takeway, yay me" etc. I'd be sure to switch my phone off. I tried to be friendly at the same time but then it would go quiet for a few weeks, I'd phone for a chat say mid afternoon on a Sunday, she always never answered but if I messaged her on FB I could see it had been read. I tried and tried but she simply could not stay sober on more than 4 nights a week. We drifted and haven't spoken in several months although I am sending her a 50th birthday card this week. We do "like" things on each others FB (cat pictures being a common one). We've known each other for 30 years.
When FB came along, it revealed that she was actually a bit of a racist.
Am about to drop mine. Final nail in coffin having been BF for about 15yrs.
He'll say it's because he has a long term partner. I say it's because he's become a self absorbed arse regardless of his partner who I actually like!!
Life's just too short and whilst we haven't changed, he has.
He forgot his own sisters wedding where he was supposed to give her away FFS yet he hasn't changed
I have a friend we have known each othet about 25 yrs a few yrs ago she stopped phoning and ot was me phoning her all the time sp i just stopped she got back in touch about 18 months ago but i still found myslef doing the running we had a terrible yr last yr because of circumstances she knows about i,m also a full time carer for my severely autistic son and quite frankley that takes up most of my time and i cant be bothered chasing people.
Oddly enough, think am about to go through shedding a couple of friends. Know it is probably for the best but am sad about it.
In one case, it's become blatantly obvious that I'm always there for them when they need me, but it's not reciprocated. In fact, they often disappear on the very rare occasions I've been going through a tough time.
I was so sad I really grieved for a long time. It was worse than a broken up romance.
I was very lonely but now have rallied and actually think I am a better person now because they were selfish and self centred
1) She had an affair. I said I wouldnt take sides. She made some really spiteful comments about her ex, then a jaw droppingly stupid one.
She said he had 'rather let her down' as he'd agreed to a no fault divorce then gone back on that.
She used to work in a court so should have known his solicitor was legally obliged to get the best deal for his client. But she wouldnt accept that and said he had gone back on his word. I said 'but you broke your martriage vows' and that did not go down well.
She made her lovers ex wife a single parent, and made some nasty comments about her, single parents and benefits claimants.
I decided she was just a selfish bitch and I could live without her.
2) She got obsessed with a man that wasn't interested in her. He said so to her face. It was a full blown obsession and went on for over a year.
I said I wouldnt condone something she had planned, she got into a strop and got shouty, calling me unsupportive among other things.
So I was really unsupportive and threw her out the house.
took years to realise one of my so called best friends was in fact desperate to always be better than me. even when i realised i didn't really want to let go of our friendship because i felt sorry for her that everything had to be a competition.
i often wonder how she is but generally glad we're not in each others lives now and hope she's happier. i don't know why she even felt that way about me because on paper her life was a lot more stable than mine!
Yes, ex-partner cheated on me with our mutual friend. We split up and they didn't end up getting together either. Found out that some of my other friends had shared information with her about my life when I had specifically asked them not to talk about me to her due to her interference in my life (ex partner told her private details about our relationship which she proceeded to tell everyone very maliciously when she didn't get her way and they didn't end up together). I just don't really speak to those friends anymore because I can't trust that they won't speak about me when they see her and I don't know what she'll do with information she knows about me ie start malicious rumours again. Didn't make a song and dance about it, just cut contact slowly.
Had a friend who was always super competitive but became more so when we became mums. She kept complaining about her DC and how I had an easy going baby. I tried to be as supportive and helpful as I can whilst giving her distance but she would use every chance to criticise my DC, my DP and even our choices in life (from buying a house to restaurant choices!) I thought it was from lack of sleep but after few years realised she was just jealous and rotten to the core. She would observe on what I have and make up stories to make herself feel better on how I was able to achieve it and not her. I introduced her to my circle of mummy friends thinking maybe she needs a support group to help her out of the rut but she would try to organise things without me and tell me she is now closer with my friends. OMG it was like high school drama! Even had her DP come to me with snide remarks. Decided to end it when she kept acting out of line and saying mean things to my DC. She hit below the belt many times and DP and I woke up and decided we need to cut the toxicity out of our family's future. Everytime we see her though, she still comes up with a snark remark. Some people just can't get jealousy out of the system!
(1) Has made no effort to get together since I moved further away five years ago. Forgot my big birthday this year. Has a racist, sexist git for a DP.
(2) Cheated on her DH with an ex whom she sought out for an affair, and conducted said affair behind her DH's back for six months before leaving for OM. I just can't get past it.
Because they were witness to me being sexually assaulted but chose not to give a statement to the police as they 'didn't want to get involved'.
Been friends our entire lives. Two years ago she got a promotion, job involves lots of responsibility and she heads up a huge team. I was genuinely over the moon for her until she became the most self important, pompous, condescending po faced asshat on the planet. I can't stand being around her now and it makes me terribly sad,,we were like sisters.
Life gets in the way
An old friend reappeared last week.... 3 words were sent. 'I've been sectioned'
We became mums and our parenting styles were too different. They had to be. Our kids were different.
My DD had huge tantrums before toddler years and mate said devil child and her in one sentence and that was it.
Also, she had to check her diary and pencil in us meeting. Stuff that, we were mates since we were 5!
Just rubbed each other the wrong way after having kids and couldn't seem to make it work.
I still think of her though. 🙂
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