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Dreading gping back to school in september..

(11 Posts)
hungryhippo90 Sun 28-Aug-16 04:21:28

My daughter had some issues at school a few years ago, she was very friendly with another child, who started to exclude her, and it had gotten to the point where she started coming home from school with bruises. I'd spoken to mum, who was the "not my child" type, so I told her I felt it best that her daughter kept away from mine as this wasn't the first or second time we had these problems with her.
Which was fine, we'd started making new friends, except from the children in the class who's parents were told my daughter was a bully....I know what was said, because I'd overheard this mother telling one parent that her daughter was unable to play football because my daughter was playing (my daughter took the ball, and was playing with ONE child)
So overall, there's 4 children who aren't allowed to play with my "bully" daughter.
So we skip to last year, everything was going OK, we had taken a few children for days out with us several times, had kids over for tea. Invited them over for play dates.
The problem is, the invites have never been reciprocated, which is you know, fair enough. People have busy lives. But I know that these children have had parties, which my daughter hasn't been invited to. I've also heard of these children having other kids over for tea, and I just feel a little bit like my child is disliked, she's a nice girl, quite shy, very subservient type of friend, always the helpful follower, always shares (I may be biased, but I promise she is lovely!)
I'm now bricking it about her returning to school. She's been there since reception, and I can honestly say, that whilst no one is horrible to her, she just doesn't seem to have any solid friendships.

I am seriously thinking about trying to get through the term, and see if we can change schools, see if a fresh start might put her in good stead for better friendships.

Am I bring unreasonable in feeling this way? Is it just part and parcel of school and I'm overreacting?

maddiemookins16mum Sun 28-Aug-16 07:17:48

What does DD say about it all, does she talk about being unhapppy there etc?

Lilaclily Sun 28-Aug-16 07:21:27

How old is she ?
How does she Feel?
If she's very unhappy I'd move her before school starts tbh

BertrandRussell Sun 28-Aug-16 07:21:51

How does your dd feel about it?

bumpetybumpbumpbump Sun 28-Aug-16 07:31:14

Aw that's so tough, does she have any friends at that she can focus on to increase her enjoyment of time in school? If she really doesn't I'd move her-kids learn when they're happy. Have staff at school helped you?

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Sun 28-Aug-16 08:05:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShoeEatingMonster Sun 28-Aug-16 08:19:16

See this is why parents need to speak to teachers if there are friendship problems that result in bruising! Many parents won't accept it from another parent but if it's been investigated by a teacher and that's who tells them it goes down a lot better.

I'm a teacher and I'm sick of clearing up the mess when parents fall out. Often things get sorted and the children want to be friends again but the parents have a long term grudge and just slag each other off to me.

MAsMum Sun 28-Aug-16 09:21:38

Shoe eating monster sometimes school "inclusivity " policies leave parents with no choice but to speak directly to parents.

For 3 years, in my son's class we have had a child who has bitten the back of his head in the line, punched, threw forks at my son's eye, pinged his tie resulting in a welt, exposed himself and bitten most of the kids in the class. His recent behaviour was reported to the teacher by a lunchtime supervisor and I was told that she was dealing with it but that really they should still play together so that the naughty kid can learn how to play nicely . I'm sorry but I don't really see why my kid should be his punchbag.

ShoeEatingMonster Sun 28-Aug-16 09:32:12


Your kid shouldn't. The school sounds shit. We've had similar children with additional needs but we've put things into place, employed additional people to meet their needs.

mrsfuzzy Sun 28-Aug-16 09:36:51

MA teacher concerned does not seem to be dealing with it in any sense if this kid is still disruptive 'play nicely' yeah, right. i would be talking to the teacher concerned, head teacher and all the way up tbh, the teacher won't be able to tell you if the parents have been contacted but i would not let this one go. bullying ruins lives, the child concerned possibly has problems at home but that doesn't mean every other child has to put up with it.

ElsieMc Sun 28-Aug-16 09:56:54

I moved my gs last year at the very end of summer term. As a grandparent carer I have been through all the cliques and playground friendships before but am always friendly and polite.

Around two years ago, a new "committee" was formed at his village school and alongside a weak, but pleasant headteacher, it led to various clubs being taken over by the parents' concerned, these parents on the governors etc.

It was not just my gs who was left out and I actually witnessed behaviour myself when he was told he was not wanted for a football match and left school watching all the other boys waiting to go to the skatepark. I watched him being told "You are out" from his gym club. My heart broke for him but he just said "I'm used to it nana".

One of the other parents eventually told me she felt my gs was becoming quieter and hardly speaking. I knew this was true but to hear it from an acquaintance put matters into perspective.

I went to look at another school and in a light bulb moment, I moved him the same day. It has not been perfect, its a bit more rough and ready but the staff do their very best and what more can you ask. More importantly his self esteem is back in lessons, although he still refuses to take part in sports and his teacher says no matter of cajoling can make him. Worse still, his teacher tells me he is a talented sportsman.

Does your dd like school other than this? Can you distance yourself and put up with school politics? If you are actually dreading going back this will be picked up by you dd who needs reassurance. Your dd is excluded and injured. Maybe its time to cut your losses. You don't have to carry on another term. Go now.

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