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Advice to those about to get married.....

(61 Posts)
Vagabond Sat 27-Aug-16 16:52:49

I caught up with my neighbour yesterday who is due to marry her partner of 15 years (2 kids) in January. She seemed stressed out and wired.

I asked her why she was so stressed? The wedding! she said.... "the dress" and "everything else".

I just wish brides wouldn't get so stressed, but how to tell them? Nobody cares about their dress. Nobody cares about the party favours on the table. Just provide somewhere to sit, good food and booze and nobody will care. It bugs me soooo much that couples spend so much on their weddings when nobody really cares about the small things. People just want to see you happy!. Chill out and enoy! Save the money for a deposit on your house. THAT is what marriage is about. Not a big wedding. How can anybody really stress about a dress?!! It's so fleeting.... and insubstantial. Think of the future.

scarednoob Sat 27-Aug-16 16:56:42

DP and I aren't married so I am just speculating - but maybe it's easier for some people to focus on the small stuff rather than the massive step of "til death do us part" ? I suspect you also get caught up in it, and despite best intentions not to be a bridezilla, end up screeching and roaring about the shade of blue on the petals not matching the garter at 3am!

But I do totally agree with you, it is all irrelevant on the day.

MidnightAura Sat 27-Aug-16 17:04:57

I got married this week, we had a Small wedding, my dress was gorgeous and I had lots of compliments but it didn't give me any stress buying it.

In fact buying my dress was the least stressful thing about my wedding, the stress came into it where the guest list was concerned and family politics.

spad Sat 27-Aug-16 17:08:16

A wedding ring is the smallest handcuff you'll ever have to wear so choose your partner wisely.

I have my first solicitors appointment this week to start divorce proceedings so I'm probably not the right person to ask.

ToffeeForEveryone Sat 27-Aug-16 17:09:58

I think a lot depends on your temperament. I am very introverted, very private, I didn't have many any friends to invite, and arranging my wedding was the most stressful and shaming time of my life. I absolutely hated planning it, and was just so glad on the day that it was going to be over.

Love being married! Awesome honeymoon too. But there is a lot of pressure because as the bride you are the centre of attention. For some people, like myself, that's a truly horrible prospect! Easy to get stressed about all the little things.

And as for other people not caring, you are lucky if that has been your experience. My 'D'F told me a couple months afterwards that my small wedding was an embarrassment ...

FATEdestiny Sat 27-Aug-16 17:11:10

BEING married is a much more exciting journey than GETTING married

WipsGlitter Sat 27-Aug-16 17:12:51

I'm getting married in December. I've picked invites, booked the reception and am seeing a florist this week. Hair appointment made. I'm planning on getting a taxi to the ceremony. Looked at dresses online but not bought anything yet.

I think you make it as stressful as you want. Pinterest has a lot to answer for!

Celticlassie Sat 27-Aug-16 17:13:39

I think a lot of it though is what people spend on the dress. If you spend £2000+ on a frock, you'll want it to be perfect!
Mine was much much cheaper - hence much less stress.

wornoutboots Sat 27-Aug-16 17:15:57

I tell my friends "the important parts are you, him, the person running it and 2 witnesses. Anything else is just stuff, and it's not worth getting stressed about stuff."

RestlessTraveller Sat 27-Aug-16 17:21:47

I'm gettIng married next year and I care about my dress and I care about the party favours and I care about every single
little detail of my wedding. It's not stressing me out though, I barely talk about it to anyone outside the family, that's just he sort of person I am. You may be right in the long run but you sound a little condescending.

QueenLizIII Sat 27-Aug-16 17:33:31

A wedding ring is the smallest handcuff you'll ever have to wear so choose your partner wisely.

Fuck I laughed!

Badders123 Sat 27-Aug-16 17:35:59

The important bit takes seconds
The vows
The rest is simply garnish

Lorelei76 Sat 27-Aug-16 17:40:45

spad "A wedding ring is the smallest handcuff you'll ever have to wear so choose your partner wisely."

yes, but you don't have to wear it. If the police turn up and cuff me now for some reason I don't think I have much choice in the situation.

as for stressed brides, I don't get it either, and the one person I'd like to ask, I can't because her now ex turned out so evil. She cried over hand cutting things for invitations. She swore at her sister when trying to organise a hen night date - she never swears. I just don't understand how that happened, she doesn't have a horrible family who would judge any of these things. It's a mystery to me why she put herself through that.

I think, as with many other things, some people have an idea of how things are supposed to be. Like people who get terribly worked up about Christmas being perfect.

At one stage I had to tell my parents to calm down, the anxiety over perfect roast potatoes made me want to rip out all my hair and stuff it down my throat so I could choke on it before the meal. I think phrasing it dramatically helped because they calmed down after that....I think that day also might have included dad flapping over three types of sauce. Who gives a fuck?!

Lorelei76 Sat 27-Aug-16 17:41:58

are the vows the important bit? sorry if a stupid question but do you even have to say vows? I thought signing the register was the only legally required bit (not married so don't know).

DementedUnicorn Sat 27-Aug-16 17:42:20

I got married in Gretna Green and there were lots of other wedding parties. It will always stand out in my head that pretty much all the 'big' weddings we saw had stressed/miserable looking brides.

TheNaze73 Sat 27-Aug-16 17:42:37

I agree. The wedding ring/handcuff analogy was very funny grin

Badders123 Sat 27-Aug-16 17:48:45

I think in non religious ceremonies they are called promises?
Either way one has to make promises/vows and sign a legal document
They are the important bits!
Agree that you don't have to wear rings - my dh doesn't as he never found one he liked!

Lorelei76 Sat 27-Aug-16 18:03:20

oh wow
I wonder what is compulsory to say in promises? I wouldn't know what to say!

MaureenMLove Sat 27-Aug-16 18:05:47

Agree with OP. The last wedding I went to was lovely admittedly. We had flip flops provided, packets of personalised tissues to 'wipe away happy tears' hmmscratch cards for all the guests on the tables and a Ferris wheel of sweets, all very lovely BUT the overwhelming memory of the day for me, was the groom saying, 'I can't stop thinking about how much this is costing me per.minute.'

Very sad, I thought.

The Internet/Pinterest has a lot to answer for I think. Brides undoubtedly want things perfect and it will be stressful, but I do think a lot of the meaning of marriage is getting lost in making everything just a little bit better than the last bride, iyswim.

It's like the humble children's home birthday party in a way. Gone are the days when you went round a kids house for birthday tea and games. These days it's bouncy castle hell or bowling or paint balling!

PerspicaciaTick Sat 27-Aug-16 18:08:40

FWIW, the brides are usually a lot more calm and collected on the day than the grooms who are far more likely to blub

TurnipCake Sat 27-Aug-16 18:12:46

Getting married and slightly bemused to how unstressed I've been hmm but I work a pretty stressful job and we've planned and paid for everything ourselves without too much outside interference help telling us we 'need' chair covers/sweetie bars/moustaches on sticks (WTF?)

Trifleorbust Sat 27-Aug-16 18:14:34

I say get stressed if you want (within reason). I cared about little things and my dress and I think that's pretty normal...

Badders123 Sat 27-Aug-16 18:19:22

<cough>
Ds2 is having a birthday tea at home next month
smile

Justwanttoweeinpeace Sat 27-Aug-16 18:22:37

Five years later you only remember how you felt, not how you looked.

MaureenMLove Sat 27-Aug-16 18:25:39

Badders nice work! grin. DD also has a birthday next month, but she's 21 and it'll be in a hall. She has had plenty of home parties though.

I'm already secretly planning what she'll have when she gets married.blush. Not that she even has a serious boyfriend or any desire to get married for the foreseeable future!

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