To not agree with his choice

(170 Posts)
ShinyDiscoBalls Fri 26-Aug-16 22:29:36

My nan sadly passed away last year, and left a substantial amount of money to myself and younger brother. After initially spending a large amount on home improvements and our soon to be born DS (who is now 6 months) we decided to put the rest away to help out in the future and while I was off work after maternity leave.
My DH is currently doing a post grad qualification at uni as well as working full time, and has the option of doing a masters next year. The qualification has been paid for by work, however the masters must be paid by himself. Basically he wants me to use my nan's money to fund his masters.
I feel selfish saying no, as I feel it should be 'our' money with us being married. We have a fantastic relationship and I want him to be happy, but I also feel he's being a bit mean expecting us to use the money for himself.

There are a lot of things I would have spent the money on had I been single, but I'm not, and I felt the money was best saved for our family. AIBU??

Lelloteddy Fri 26-Aug-16 22:31:11

Would this Masters enable him to significantly improve his employment prospects?
What % of the money would it use up?

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Fri 26-Aug-16 22:31:16

Does the masters take all of the money or just a portion of it?

PurpleDaisies Fri 26-Aug-16 22:33:46

I guess it depends on if you would have been funding the masters anyway without the inheritance. Does it come with the prospect of a better paid job?

Bluecarrot Fri 26-Aug-16 22:34:03

Well, if he gets a high paid job due to completing his masters, which will be a lot of hard work, whst will happen with the extra money? Will it be family money or will it be his?
Could fees be split 50/50 as a compromise?

PurpleDaisies Fri 26-Aug-16 22:35:29

How do you normally work your finances? Dh and I share everything so it would have become family money as soon as it entered the bank account. Do you normally keep personal money?

ShinyDiscoBalls Sat 27-Aug-16 01:38:17

This is the thing, I have said to him what does the masters then mean in terms of your job role etc. He says it doesn't necessarily mean much, as the people who also have masters are at a level much higher than him which apparently he doesn't want to be at, as it would mean loads more responsibility. His job isn't particularly secure regardless of what level he is at (he works for a local authority council, & they are always restructuring due to government cuts) so the masters doesn't mean much in my opinion.

Normally we have our own money but still sort of share, if that makes sense? The masters wouldn't use all the money up, he says he thinks it's around £3,500. But I can't help but think we could use that elsewhere. And also I've always thought I'd fancy doing a masters later on in life when DS is a bit older. It would probably mean I couldn't do this, as by then the money would all be gone

ShinyDiscoBalls Sat 27-Aug-16 01:41:55

We've done a basic pro & con list, and reasons for doing it are such as; it's easier to do it now while he's currently in 'education' than having to come back to it; one of his bosses has said he would regret not doing it if he didn't; and yes there's a chance it may make him better thought of within the work place and possibly at some stage in his life enable him to progress further up the ladder if he wanted to

MindSweeper Sat 27-Aug-16 01:47:07

I was all ready to say 'YES!' as I thought it would further his career prospects and thus your financial position but as it doesn't seem like it will, then I'm wobbly.

How would he react if you said you wanted to do a degree, and spend the money on that?

I would probably offer some, but not all.

Then again if he's going to fund the masters himself, how much money would that take out of household income whilst he's paying for it? Would you struggle with the payments?

I'm not surprised you're unsure. I would never ever expect my partner to fully fund my masters like this

PersianCatLady Sat 27-Aug-16 01:47:15

OP, answer this for me, if you had not have inherited this money from your Nan would he even be thinking about doing the Masters at all?

MindSweeper Sat 27-Aug-16 01:47:52

Good question

ShinyDiscoBalls Sat 27-Aug-16 01:54:13

Honestly, without my nan's money I doubt he'd be considering it as we'd struggle to find the money to fund it. Especially as I'm currently on maternity leave and we previously had no savings. I think a lot of it is pressure from colleagues who are possibly saying to him he should go for it. But yeah, otherwise I doubt he would ever even suggested it. I feel mean saying 'no, you cannot use the money' as he's a fab husband and I suppose if the shoe was on the other foot I'd expect him to share the money. But then again would I even want to take a chunk of his inheritance to spend on something entirely for me.
One more thing, we did put a 3 grand deposit towards his brand new car that is on finance, so it's not like he's not 'enjoying' any of the money

Gingernaut Sat 27-Aug-16 01:57:29

So he wants to study for a Masters, but it won't make much of a difference in his job and pay as promotion would be too stressful?

No. YADNBU.

Under those circumstances, higher education is a waste of time and money.

MindSweeper Sat 27-Aug-16 01:59:14

No way I'd fund it then. You're on maternity leave and have no savings yet he wants you to pay for a masters that could be nothing more than an ego boost because his work mates have told him to go for it? Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, I don't mean to disrespect your DP but thats what it sounds like to me.

And you've also put down a deposit on his car! shock

Sweetpea15 Sat 27-Aug-16 02:00:11

I took out a PCDL for my Masters, it's a loan with a fairly low interest rate. I borrowed just under 9 and a half grand and I repay just over 11 and a half at 192 a month over 5 years. You can also get funding from lots of different bodies for a masters. He hasn't exhausted these options yet.

Could you see what he's eligible for/can get and then maybe help with the shortfall?

ShinyDiscoBalls Sat 27-Aug-16 02:02:00

This is what I'm thinking Ginger
Like I said, prior to having DS I would have loved to do a masters and would have definitely done so should a large amount of money come my way, but things change when you have a family don't they. You can't really do things for just yourself anymore. And I've said to him it doesn't have to be right now, you could always possibly do one in the future, it's not like it's now or never. We could save up a separate fund towards a masters if he still fancies doing it

ShinyDiscoBalls Sat 27-Aug-16 02:04:01

Yeah you're right MindSweeper I do think a lot of it has to do with ego, although I daren't say that to him haha!

ShinyDiscoBalls Sat 27-Aug-16 02:07:36

I feel as though he's not fully convinced he wants to do it either. The masters part would begin next September, and I've warned him I'll be back at work then etc and we will have a 2 year old, so don't expect much support from me if you do it! He's said he sees my point in that respect but is concerned he will regret not doing it, and most likely won't want to do it in the future

MindSweeper Sat 27-Aug-16 02:10:59

I don't blame you blush but that's what it is isn't it? I honestly wouldn't fund it, how do you think you'll be able to sort this out with him? I'd probably emphasize the fact that a large chunk has gone towards his car, which he could have instead chosen to put down on the masters. Why didn't he do that, ask him. The facts you're on maternity leave and have no savings are two other large issues that are in your favour here too, that money could make a decent rainy day fund.

Puddington Sat 27-Aug-16 02:11:45

most likely won't want to do it in the future
It doesn't sound like he's all that hung up on it then tbh, if his heart was truly set on it he'd be trying harder to find a way to make it work, or vowing to do it in a few years if all else failed.

Given the context of it not really benefiting his career or earning prospects I think YANBU. I don't blame him for wanting to do it but as you said, after children things need to be weighed up more carefully.

ShinyDiscoBalls Sat 27-Aug-16 02:12:43

Exactly what I've said. We have a child now, and you never know when 3 and half grand could come in useful. I have no idea how I'm going to approach it. He has until the end of September to make his decision and let uni know, so I suppose we need to have a chat soon

TathitiPete Sat 27-Aug-16 02:16:59

is concerned he will regret not doing it, and most likely won't want to do it in the future

Sounds like he won't regret it too much if he also thinks he won't want to do it later.
- Ah, I really should've done it!
- Well, why don't you do it now?
- Nah, don't wanna now.

MindSweeper Sat 27-Aug-16 02:18:11

I hope you sort it out anyway OP. Personally I wouldn't be budging on this one.

ShinyDiscoBalls Sat 27-Aug-16 02:21:57

I think I will stress that if he still wants to do it in a few years time, when I'm back at work we can start saving a separate fund to cover it. DS will be older, we can keep my nan's money as a safety net (which was my intitial plan) and everyone is happy...hopefully haha

junebirthdaygirl Sat 27-Aug-16 07:23:54

It's so easy when you get money like that to have it gone in a flash. And it's so difficult to get a lump sum together just with general earnings. So l would keep the money.. Act like it's not there. Your dh will be much more focused on whether he wants to do a masters or not if he actually has to pay for it. Have you a car? Paying a deposit on a new car was a huge thing so l genuinely don't think he can complain. Some people just like to spend money when it's there. Tell him you need that money for security. When you have a baby your mind is more focused on security and the rainy day. Explain to him that as parents you feel it's so important to have something to fall back on. You are not doing this to him. It is your priority around family money and it's important that be heard.

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