To feel it's not worth going out, if it's after 3pm?(48 Posts)
I had a baby a few weeks ago. I recovered sooner than I thought I would, and wanted to make the most of the summer holidays with my other children. I am feeling the baby blues, and really hate being 'trapped' indoors staring out the window. I have 4 children including the baby, and can't drive right now, so rely on DP for longer journeys.
DP has been out often since late in my pregnancy, he goes to the gym 5 days a week, has been out with friends, and this weekend will be attending a wedding I am not invited to (no children are allowed).
So far we have been out a handful of times, and it is always late in the day. As I'm up at 6am I am feeling resentful and upset that I have missed the best of the day and the warm weather. For example, a few days ago DP insisted we all go to the seaside a 2 hour drive away. Due to DP's faffing, we didn't leave the house until 2pm, arrived at the seaside for 4pm, and spent only a few hours there before having to leave to go home.
Today DP wanted to take the kids to the park 30 mins away. He promised we would set off early. He went to gym at 10, and then decided to go and get the car washed. He didn't get back until late afternoon. By the time the kids had had lunch (which they needed by then) it was after 3pm. I told him there was no point going, and have now left the house to have a breather at my mum's.
Am I being unreasonable in being upset by this? On top of the above life is also complicated by having a stepchild that constantly needs to be ferried between ours and his mum's at times that have no regularity. I feel like I have no life, and no time to ever enjoy myself. But to DP it is not an issue.
3pm is not late. There's still plenty of day left
Actually, I would be fed up too OP. Can't your DP take you and DC out during the day and go to the gym in the evening?
or even give the gym a miss for one day
It is still worth going out at 3pm on these lovely late summer evenings, though I can imagine you are wearying a little by then.
I too, however, would be heartily sick of the whole family waiting for him to do his stuff before they get to do anything.
I wouldn't want to go on a day trip leaving that late in the day, and especially not when it is an hour or more away.
When I go on a day trip with family or friends we set off at 9/10am at latest, and get the full day out of it.
A local park for a short while I'd have no problem with - have done this after school for example.
What is he doing with so much faffing around getting ready to go out?
Yeah that's annoying. Can he go to the gunmaker you've been out and about together?
3 pm is fine for the park, but I agree about the seaside. On "days out", I like to leave by 11 at the latest.
I really think the time of day is a red herring. if you wanted to go to a specific event/market that shuts at 4/5 or whatever I'd understand but the park is different,its the park!
HOWEVER the crucial thing I'm getting from your post is that your DH
doesn't fulfill his promises
doesn't value your time
doesn't value your worries (ie of having no life) and in general seems rather disrespectful and dismissive so YANBU
3pm is good imo. In summer that's 3-7pm out doing something, 7pm dinner as picnic somewhere or in restaurants. Back around 9pm
Means you avoid the peak 11-3pm midday sun also.
4-6pm is surely plenty of time at the beach with a newborn?
3pm to the park Absouletly fine loads of the day left and also when it's hot it is a little cooler by then
But to go on a day out ( seaside, castle, zoo) I'd want to leave by 9/10am.
3pm to the park is a good time IMO and by 3pm in this heat it is starting to cool
For somewhere like a beach,theme park, castle I would leave by 10am
3pm is a good time for the park but I do agree with other that if I was going to the beach I'd want to set off about 10am
I could take them out by myself, but just not very far really.
The baby is 4 weeks old, and I also have a nightmare toddler who has constant meltdowns, so I rely on DP (and the car) to get us to different places that are also fun for the other children too.
DP faffs mainly due to his eating habits and need to go to the gym. He began a diet months ago to lose weight and get fit (90 day plan), which requires huge amounts of foods and takes hours of preparation. On top of this he's supposed to exercise on certain days, and if he doesn't he walks around the house whining pretty much constantly, which makes me feel guilty. It's mainly this that causes the issue, and has done since he started this diet really. He also suffers from an unrealistic vision of how much time things will take - for example stopping unnecessarily to wash the car after going to the gym!
By 8pm the house is asleep, I am knackered and am ready to start the nightshift with the baby and grab as much sleep as I can.
It really is causing a lot of angst in our relationship and a few times I have felt close to asking him to leave.
this weekend will be attending a wedding I am not invited to (no children are allowed)
Were you explicitly not invited because you have children then? DP's friend/relative surely didn't say "Well GreyParrot isn't invited because she has kids" did they?
Cocklodger is right. This isn't about going out at 3pm. It's about your DP prioritising his desires over his responsibilities towards the children and you.
It's hard with a big family to mobilise everyone, to get meals made ready, to get everyone out. It is really hard and I've had similar issues. I now get a plan together the evening before. If we do this tomorrow we need to be out at this time, eat here and we need to take ie spare clothes/wellies. It sounds like dh needs a little less me time.
3pm is a good time to go out if you think of it at 2:30 pm and just feel like going out.
3pm is a good time to go out if you have planned ahead to go out at 3pm.
3pm is * not* a good time to go out if you have been waiting all fucking day for someone else to get their shit together / faff about going to the gym etc.
Next time give him a deadline and go without him if he doesn't make it.
It's really unfair for him to spend that much time at the gym when you have a new baby and you are looking after other children. Put your foot down. He should have similar personal time to you. He should spend the rest of his time looking after his kids and supporting you.
"attending a wedding I am not invited to (no children are allowed)."
You're not a child, are you? Are you breast feeding?
What Cocklodger said.
What a selfish git. Insist he cuts down on gym time and starts spending time with his family. Why should the fact that he "moans" if he doesn't go make that any more of priority?
Or take some time for yourself, and leave the kids with him - go shopping with friends or out to lunch. You have as much right as he does.
He's being unfair. Gyms are flexible on timing, so he doesn't have to delay the rest of the family. He needs to organise his time around the needs of the family.
When my DCs were around the baby/ toddler age, some time slots were better than others for doing things due to feeds/ energy levels and naps. Getting to the seaside for 4pm sounds like tired, grumpy children and a day trip being rushed into a token gesture.
Why can't he go to the gym in the evening once the children are in bed, and you get an early night ready for the nightshift with the baby?
I agree about the gym also.
Is he training for a specific event? If not he has absolutely no need to be at the gym that often.
I would pre-empt him: get ready before him, say you're off to the gym with the baby to do baby yoga and swan out. He can entertain the other two.
Go out before 10, and get back at 3, like he did.
If he complains, then ask how he likes it, and why he's allowed to do it but not you?
And I meant to say, if he has plans he has to delay then even better as that's what he's doing to you.
Breastfeeding or not, I think a lot of mums wouldn't want to leave a 4 week old. That's not unreasonable.
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