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To want to spend my birthday alone??

(32 Posts)
facepalming Fri 26-Aug-16 16:34:08

It's my birthday next week. My DH is trying to make plans - all very lovely.

The thing is we have two dc, one is 2 and one 7 months.

We don't have family nearby so the only time we have had anyone else take care of them was when I was giving birth to dc2.

My DH works long days so I'm alone with both dc from about 7am until 7pm at which point we put the dcs to bed. I then cook a meal before we go to bed ourselves.

He is usually away a night or two a month with work.

I do all the housework and cooking and frankly it's all exhausting!

For my birthday all I really want is a day without either DH or DC's to look after. DH really doesn't get it and thinks in being selfish and mean.


Guiltypleasures001 Fri 26-Aug-16 16:38:46


Hope that helps flowerschocolatecake

legotits Fri 26-Aug-16 16:40:12

Your b day.
Fuck off somewhere for a day.
Picnic in a park if you are skint.


Bagina Fri 26-Aug-16 16:51:05

YANBU. As a sahm, having time away from the dc is the best present! Even book yourself a local hotel if you can/want to. Just explain that you probably might very well won't want this every year, but this year you do. Tell him he can spoil you by getting certain treats in.

I had 2 under 2, and a dh who worked 14 hour days with nights away; it was a dark time!

ecuse Fri 26-Aug-16 16:54:22

Hell no! But he's probably just disappointed because he wants to spoil you. Tell him if it means that much to him he can spoil you on the actual day, and give you a day off the previous day so you're relaxed and rested to enjoy your family birthday grin.

BittyWanter Fri 26-Aug-16 16:58:29

When my 3 were very young ( 4 months, 20 months and 6) on my birthday that year I asked to spend the day on my own. I wanted to get my hair and nails done and maybe have a browse round the shops/ go for a coffee/meet up with a friend for a drink without DC around.

Like you we had no one to look after the DC so it was mostly me.

DH couldn't understand it but I spent much of the day alone and I loved it. Had a takeaway with DH and DC in the evening and some wine.


facepalming Fri 26-Aug-16 17:00:17

Thank you all! oh God bagina I really feel for you - does it get better??

Ecuse that sounds a good plan!! smile smile

facepalming Fri 26-Aug-16 17:02:02

bittywanter that sounds a fabulous day!! I definitely want this birthday to involve

TooStressyForMyOwnGood Fri 26-Aug-16 17:04:02

No! It has taken me 5 years but I finally got DH to understand that the best thing for my birthday is a day to myself. I went on that most hated of mumsnet things, a spa day grin. Checking in just in front of me was another woman. Staff asked her if she had come on her own. She laughed and said that there was no way she would have come with anyone else as this was her day of escape. Lots of agreeing nods in the queue behind us too. YADNBU.

MiddleClassProblem Fri 26-Aug-16 17:08:31

My birthday DH took DD put in the morning until lunch so I had a lie in and a hot bath (he ran one just before he left and as I was getting up with candle and the bath toys removed) then the afternoon we just mooches at home, he did main care for DD and I watched Wimbledon and trash...

facepalming Fri 26-Aug-16 17:11:30

I'm so glad I'm not alone on this!! DH looked at me like I had grown another head when I told him what i wanted!

Bagina Fri 26-Aug-16 17:11:37

It does! I came on here and everyone told me to pay for childcare even though I was at home and we were skint. A couple of mornings/afternoons to myself really helped. Eventually there's preschool, nursery etc, but it doesn't get better until you're not with them constantly!I hope you get what I mean by that!

PirateFairy45 Fri 26-Aug-16 17:14:53

He's probably disappointed you don't want to spend the day with your family.

So why not make a day with him? Your actual bday you do what YOU want and the following day, you, DH and DC have a fun day together. Compromise smile

facepalming Fri 26-Aug-16 17:15:30

I totally get it Bagina!! I adore them but I feel as if some days they are like little dementors! I start the day all positive and with great intentions and at the end of the day all joy and life has been sucked (literally!) out of me and in some frazzled heap... DH then looks forward to his tea (cooked by me obs!) and an evening (half hour in front of the telly) with me where he expects some kind of sensible conversation...

not all days are like that but I didn't anticipate how tough it was going to be.

Bagina Fri 26-Aug-16 17:33:37

You're still in survival mode! Dh only got dinner if I felt like it; I think he made mine a fair bit!

HelloSunshine11 Sat 27-Aug-16 07:34:24

You are definitely NBU! Your DH is looking at you like you've got two heads because he doesn't understand how knackering it all is, and he never will til he's done it day in, day out. Have your day off! And stop making him dinner every day too while you're at it grin

LippyLiz Sat 27-Aug-16 07:40:57

YANBU. I'm always the same though this year I'll be at work. DH and I have just split and so I expect my birthday will involve my mum coming round for the entire evening when really, I'd rather just go out with my DDs. I feel awful for that and there's nothing I can do as she will take the hump and my mind isn't in the right place for that.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood Sat 27-Aug-16 09:42:05

I should say that I didn't get my day to myself on my actual birthday. That would have just led to hurt feelings all round as PPs have said. We had a typical, early start, excited young children family day for that. My day of tranquility came later smile

steffibabes Sat 27-Aug-16 09:47:14

I spent my 40th daytime on my own. It was lovely!

jellyhead Sat 27-Aug-16 09:52:50

I booked a planned surgery on my birthday one year.
Overnight stay. Private hospital so I could be on my own and have a break from dh and dc.
Best birthday ever

RaspberryOverload Sat 27-Aug-16 10:08:15

This year, my birthday is on a Friday.

I've booked a day off work. DCs will be in school or college (12 and 16), DP at work.

So, I'm planning a spa day just for me, to relax and rewind, and I think we can all go out for an evening meal together afterwards.

I'm an introvert, so found it tough especially early on with being with the DCs or someone all day and evening. I need to have a little time alone each day to recharge, so a full day on my own would be bliss. And now my parents are elderly and need a little more of my time, it's getting hard again to find that bit of alone time.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood Sat 27-Aug-16 10:54:41

jellyhead grin

Crunchymum Sat 27-Aug-16 11:01:52

The moment my DC2 night weans from boob, I'm off to a hotel by myself for a night or two

GoblinLittleOwl Sat 27-Aug-16 13:05:49

Does your husband ever look after the children entirely on his own?
Arrange for him to do it one weekend soon, then he will understand why a day on your own is the best birthday treat ever!
Failing that suggest he cooks you a surprise birthday meal with the children, while you have a long bath, manicure etc, at a friend's house. Without a telephone.

facepalming Sat 27-Aug-16 20:16:57

Oh Lippyliz I'm so sorry to hear that, hope you can still have a lovely day with your mum

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