To not like when people invite others along?

(168 Posts)
NoCapes Fri 26-Aug-16 11:11:51

I have a friend who every single time we plan to do stuff with the kids (we're only really friends because of the kids) will always let me know about 10 minutes before that "oh so and so from school/slimming world/the house next door is coming too"
I'm not the most sociable butterfly and it really pisses me off
AIBU?

JogWithADog Fri 26-Aug-16 11:15:43

Maybe she feels she struggles with conversation and having an extra person there takes the pressure off a bit.

SaucyJack Fri 26-Aug-16 11:16:00

Are you chatty with people one-on-one?

NoCapes Fri 26-Aug-16 11:17:26

Yes of course we chat, we never shut up

In a normal person in social situations, I just mean I don't like very many people and I'm quite choosy with who I spend time with
So don't like other people being forced on me when it's too late to back out

ShatnersBassoon Fri 26-Aug-16 11:19:05

YABU. Seriously what difference does it make to you? It's not like she's bringing along dozens of people.

Does your friend perhaps find it a bit tricky to keep the conversation going with just you?

NoCapes Fri 26-Aug-16 11:20:18

Already answered that Shatners

And of course it makes a difference to me hmm what an odd thing to say!

ColdAsIceCubes Fri 26-Aug-16 11:22:46

I had a friend that did this. I struggle socially and find too many people (especially people I don't know at all) a struggle, so I stopped accepting invites and unfortunately the friendship died a death as we lived some distance away. To be fair though, I prefer my own company because I always feel like I have to fit in with others and then anxiety and guilt start. So, no YANBU!

DelicatePreciousThing1 Fri 26-Aug-16 11:23:24

Of course you are not being unreasonable. People who do this are rude and thoughtless. Extra people / a person changes the dynamic of a twosome or a small group.

dudsville Fri 26-Aug-16 11:25:01

I am guilty of doing this. I can't bear for others to feel left out and also I think if plans have been spoken about out loud to others it feels wrong not to invite them. HOWEVER, I have been told by friends that this is not on so I now hold me tongue and feel awful for the sake of my friends!

StarlingMurmuration Fri 26-Aug-16 11:26:37

Of course it makes a difference! Instead of it being a couple of mates, it's suddenly OP, her friend, and someone OP doesn't even know!

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Fri 26-Aug-16 11:30:20

YANBU. It's rude. I know one of these. It went from the two of us and our two DC at a cafe, then one other mum and her two daughters (ok), then two of that mum's friends and 4 more children. Our quiet brunch was like a children's party. I was exhausted by the time we left.

expatinscotland Fri 26-Aug-16 11:30:27

YANBU

AlmaMartyr Fri 26-Aug-16 11:47:49

YANBU, I hate it when people do this.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Fri 26-Aug-16 11:52:35

YANBU.

All it says to me is that the person bringing extras along finds me too boring to be on her own with me, and needs reinforcements. That may not be true, but that is how I would feel. AND there's no guarantee that I would even like/get on with the extra person!

I wouldn't be socialising with someone who did this to me more than once.

littleprincesssara Fri 26-Aug-16 12:53:27

YANBU

My best friend just texted to ask if she can invite some random person she's met once to my other friend's birthday party. She doesn't even know this person, it's just they met in a community amateur acting class so she thinks it would be a good networking opportunity for me to meet them. Like I need to meet random wannabe actors!

LuckySantangelo1 Fri 26-Aug-16 12:56:45

I'm totally with you OP! I hate it. I'll be prepared in regards to who I'm going to see/what we're going to do and then someone invites a random along. Totally changes the dynamic. I don't mind it if it's someone I know but a stranger; I don't understand that!

Farmmummy Fri 26-Aug-16 13:03:02

See I'm not as polite as you op I would then back out at the last minute, I really don't like many people and lost my "bullshit tolerance" when I lost my twins a few years ago so now I feel life's too short to endure horrible situations (unless for close family or DH on occasion) and small talk with people's acquaintances when you have been looking forward to the original plans doesn't do it for me

IceRoadDucker Fri 26-Aug-16 13:06:07

YANBU but honestly, neither is she. I'm just like you but I know (even if I don't understand it) that people who do this aren't being thoughtless. To them, it's a non issue.

You need to tell her clearly you don't like this. If she carries on after that, then she IS being U!

Hulababy Fri 26-Aug-16 13:06:08

I would never do it without asking/checking first and only in quite specific situations.

I find it a bit rude tbh. Obviously having the additional person there changes the dynamics of the meet up, especially if it is someone you don't even know, or not very well.

bibbitybobbityyhat Fri 26-Aug-16 13:07:07

Yanbu. I have lost touch with a friend who did this once too often - because she is one of those "busy busy busy" types, she would often invite a mutual acquaintance (who I secretly don't like very much) to things we'd arranged between us in a kill two birds with one stone kind of way. In the end I left them to it!

SquidgyRedBall Fri 26-Aug-16 13:08:10

YANBU

My ex friend always always always invited someone else when we went out. And it was someone different every time who I never knew. So I took to inviting someone out too (they knew each other at least) and she had the cheek to moan at me as we never met up just us two.

She ain't a friend anymore for many reasons. She was a cheeky fucking bitch

Bluechip Fri 26-Aug-16 13:10:24

YANBU - I really dislike this. And when a friend has asked me 'is it all right if I invite X too' I've now built up my courage to say 'I'd rather it was just us if that's ok, as I'm not feeling up to a bigger group of people'.

ProseccoBitch Fri 26-Aug-16 13:15:43

YANBU. I would hate this too.

BearFeet Fri 26-Aug-16 13:18:52

I'd hate that too. I choose my friends on who I like to spend time with. Not that person and another random person. It limits the conversation too. I might feel comfortable talking about something to my friend but wouldn't dream of taking about it with a relative stranger. So to me it wouldn't be a proper catch up.

Bluebolt Fri 26-Aug-16 13:20:53

I found thing happened only with children related friendships and was more about potential children friendships than the adults.

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