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AIBU to think you don't need a boy and a girl to complete a family?

(107 Posts)
TheSconeOfStone Wed 24-Aug-16 19:42:19

I've got two DDs aged 8 and 5. I have to admit I had assumed that DD2 would be a boy as the majority of friends and family have this combination. I was surprised and a little disappointed a girl. Loved her at first sight with all my heart but felt regret that there would never be a boy (DH was determined to stop at 2 and that was the right decision for our family).

Had to put up with stupid comments about missing out on a son because 'boys love their mums' and 'DH must be disappointed' (no, he totally content with his girls). Family were very 'meh' on announcement of her birth.

Now my little brother and SIL are expecting B/G twins and everyone is delighted of course. My dad has said it's great that they are getting 'a complete family'. WTF are his darling grand daughters then? They are so different to each other. Each family and combination of children is unique.

I know part of the reason I am upset is little brother has always been the golden boy. He is very close to my mum and has more in common with my parents than me. He's even managed to have the correct configuration of offspring on the first attempt!

PurpleDaisies Wed 24-Aug-16 19:45:47

Have you challenged them on it?

Many people have complete families with one child. We are a still a family despite not having any children. Don't let this nonsense pass without telling them it's rubbish.

Yorkieheaven Wed 24-Aug-16 19:47:05

On ignore them. Idiots. Any family who feels complete is a complete unit with 1 child or 10 children or indeed no children. You can't argue with idiots.

ElspethFlashman Wed 24-Aug-16 19:50:55

I have a boy and a girl and it absolutely horrified me how many approving comments we got. I swear if I had a pound for every time someone said "Oooh, a gentlemans family...."

People treat us like we won the lottery! WTAF?? I hate it, it's too wierd for me.

Star8181 Wed 24-Aug-16 19:51:16

I'm really sorry, it's rubbish isn't it. I have this with my family all the time as I have 2 DSs. I'm now pregnant with DC3 and everyone is obsessed with the gender of this child, they are convinced I must have a girl this time. It makes me so sad, I really don't care one bit, I just want a healthy baby to add to my perfect family.

OhTheRoses Wed 24-Aug-16 19:52:34

Sounds tiresome. How would your parents feel if between you and your brother you sit them down in 18 years and say between us we have a complete family: Girls, boys, and gay.

A complete family is a family that loves everyone in it equally and values everyone for exactly who they are.

CakeAndChocolate Wed 24-Aug-16 19:53:21

I have a son and am currently pregnant with a girl, the comments people make absolutely infuriate me. They congratulate my husband like he's some kind of God and say things like "oh how wonderful, you must be so thrilled it is a girl". Well, actually I just want baby to be healthy and get here safely, I couldn't give a toss about the sex of my child.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Wed 24-Aug-16 19:54:29

I really hate stuff like this. I know that some people have a preference and that's fine, but anyone who isn't one of the parents talking about what they would like to have/should have/need to aim for next etc is just gross.

Why would a dad be disappointed in two girls? He can still go to the pub with daughters, throw a ball, teach them football/rugby and the offside rule. I hate the assumption that two girls = dad left out or no one to do 'bloke' things with.
Same for women with two sons. I hate the comments about poor you, you'll never get to go clothes shopping or have makeovers with them my worst nightmare
Sexist fucking nonsense.

bibbitybobbityyhat Wed 24-Aug-16 19:54:48

Try not to let this get to you. People are very thoughtless sometimes.

MrsBobDylan Wed 24-Aug-16 19:56:32

Does your dad just mean that they are getting a complete family because they are twins and your brother wants two dc?

That's how I'd take it. Also, I think you feel as though one of each is 'the correct configuration' and would start with trying to alter that view.

You are happy with your DDs. That's all there is to it.

TheSconeOfStone Wed 24-Aug-16 20:02:23

MrsBobDylan the complete family comment was definitely due to the fact they are having one of each. Actually my brother only wanted one so it's been a bit of a shock to him.

I am totally happy with 2 girls now. I worry far too much about what other people say and I need to grow a thicker skin.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys Wed 24-Aug-16 20:03:04

OP I have this all the time but the other way around. 🙄

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys Wed 24-Aug-16 20:03:30

YANBU by the way smile

Luckystar1 Wed 24-Aug-16 20:05:59

I have one of each, the younger (DD) is 3 weeks. We didn't find out her sex and assumed she was another boy, so much so, we didn't even check for about 10 minutes after her birth!

I was actually very apprehensive announcing her sex as I was worried we'd get ridiculous comments but we've had none thankfully!

My family is now complete but it would've been had she been a 'he'.

Bearing in mind that most mothers of sons say they constantly hear 'a son is your son til he takes a wife...' It's all just bollocks that people like to say to fill time unnecessarily!!

Enjoy your beautiful daughters (although you have them for life so maybe spare a thought for those poor mothers of boys hmmwink)

JaniceBattersby Wed 24-Aug-16 20:07:54

Honestly, lots of people would like to have children of each gender. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I've got three boys and I'm pregnant. People are constantly asking if I want a girl.

I just tell them I'm not bothered either way really. I don't let it get to me because I understand where they're coming from.

April241 Wed 24-Aug-16 20:10:54

That's horrible, my mum just had me and my sister, I wonder if she ever got those comments. I'm currently pregnant with twins and the majority of people have said "oh wonderful, if you have a boy and a girl it'll be an instant ready made family and that'll be you done!" hmm.

I'd love to have a boy and a girl, I'd equally love to have two boys or two girls! I've also have a few people saying "oh I hope they're both boys because girls are dreadful!!!" And vice versa. Wtf is that all about, they're my children you won't need to see them if you don't want to.

TheSconeOfStone Wed 24-Aug-16 20:11:22

I will enjoy my daughters Luckystar1, thank you. My friends with B/G combinations all say girls are much harder and that's before we hit the teens!

DH hates football and was relieved to have girls as he thought he could avoid it. DD2 is now playing and loves it.

headinhands Wed 24-Aug-16 20:12:37

Dear god. It's utter nonsense isn't it. Fred and Rose West had boys and girls. I'm sorry that you're on the receiving end of 'people feeling it's okay to say stupid things about children'. I have a child who is at the bottom of the growth chart. On it but at the bottom and you would not believe how many 'facepalmy' things people have said. It wasn't until I had kids that I realised how socially unskilled most people are.

SirKillalot Wed 24-Aug-16 20:14:55

I have two boys and I am fed up to the back teeth of being asked if I'm going to 'try for a girl'. I don't want another baby, girl or boy!

I hate the assumption that I shouldn't be happy with my two boys.

OddBoots Wed 24-Aug-16 20:20:25

Are you sure he means that they are b/g, could he mean that they are getting two children in one pregnancy what ever their sexes? Not that you need two children to make a family either.

TheSconeOfStone Wed 24-Aug-16 20:22:55

My dad was very clear that B/G = complete family.

Tastesjustlikecherrycola85 Wed 24-Aug-16 20:23:31

I have one of each and had the constant comments but I couldn't have cared less if I had two of the same

Bombaypie Wed 24-Aug-16 20:24:25

I adore my girls, for me it's just lovely thinking of them growing up as sisters and hopefully being close - I'd have loved a boy, but would have been sad to have missed out on that. I think you win and lose something with either dynamic

kimann Wed 24-Aug-16 20:25:49

I'm getting this now - currently two weeks away from popping out last (and second) child. We have a girl already. I've got so many 'bet you hope it is a boy' and even my mum says she can 'feel' it's a boy. We don't mind either way - In Fact, having another girl would save us a fortune on clothes as kept most of my daughters stuff. My cousin has 3 boys and at the announcement of her third son everyone was like 'oh no - not another boy! - you'll have to try for a 4th for a girl'! She was so upset. My husband's mum was determined to have a girl and ended up with 4 boys - now she has a collection of over 200 dolls to make up for the fact she didn't have a girl hmm

People don't think before they open their gigantic mouths do they! Here some flowers for you OP.

Ragwort Wed 24-Aug-16 20:28:37

I cannot believe how rude/thoughtless people are - we have an only child (a DS and we genuinely didn't want any more children) and I have never, ever received any comment, either positive or negative about our family. Who knows what people say behind our backs grin - I am shocked at the sort of comments some of you are receiving.

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