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DH going on holidays

(109 Posts)
user1467393664 Wed 24-Aug-16 18:43:53

AIBU to be pi$$ed off my DH is going on holidays for 4 days with his mates while I'm at home with our DC who don't sleep the night and are up at 5am everyday? It's just for a holiday for them to sit by the pool envy

OpenMe Wed 24-Aug-16 18:48:30

Well, if you are cross about it then Yanbu. His plans are not unreasonable in themselves, if they've been discussed and agreed and you'll get a similar break another time.

NavyandWhite Wed 24-Aug-16 18:49:57

Who knows.
Have you been away as a family? Are you planning on booking a holiday for just you, if not why?

goose1964 Wed 24-Aug-16 18:50:46

Make sure he reciprocates

user1467393664 Wed 24-Aug-16 18:52:02

We discussed 2 nights in the UK but his mates booked 4 nights in Portugal. So he had to go with it. hmm no similar break for me at the moment as I'm EBF our littlest one.

Crunchymum Wed 24-Aug-16 18:52:38 this instead of a family holiday? is it family money? Will you get the chance of a break? How is the relationship in general?

My DP is currently away with 2 friends 2 nights, 3 days and I've been at work and then home to have the kids (3 and 1) but I'm totally cool with it as it's his money / I'm away in a few months / we have quite an equal relationship etc.

phillipp Wed 24-Aug-16 18:52:59

Lots of things might change what I think.

Dbro has just got back from holiday with his friends and sil wasn't happy. But he pointed out that he has been left at home, with the kids, 4 weekends so far this year while she goes away and he was fine with it.

At which point she stopped moaning.

So if you were my sil I would say Yabu.

But assuming you aren't/can't have a weekend away yourself and/or no family holiday, I would say Yanbu.

phillipp Wed 24-Aug-16 18:53:27

When you finish ebf will you be able to go?

user1467393664 Wed 24-Aug-16 19:25:57

I know I'll be able to go away sometime next year. I BF until they are ready to wean themselves so stay close by until then, a day away or similar. I suppose I'm annoyed because I think 2 nights away in the same country is enough until the kids are bigger. We will go on a family holiday in September. I suppose I should be grateful they had planned a week in Las Vegas but that was veto by other partners because of the expense.

NavyandWhite Wed 24-Aug-16 19:33:10

Treat yourself with something else?

Birdsgottafly Wed 24-Aug-16 19:38:31

Once you've finished BF, would it be a No, for your DP to have them, whilst you went away?

I always think that it's unfair to make one Partner stay in because the other one doesn't want to go out, without the children.

user1467393664 Wed 24-Aug-16 19:58:36

I was still BF my first when I fell pregnant with my second so for the past few years I've not been on weekends away, nights out and days out yes but not away - my choice. I think when I've stopped BF I'll be ready for a weekend away although we do plan a third. (Are we mad?!)

The only time I've had to ask him not to go away was when DD was 2 weeks old his brothers had planned a golfing trip to Spain for 5 days and i just wasn't ready to have the two kids by myself. If it was for work I would have found a way I.e my parents but it was for leisure and I felt it was a bit much you know? We had the children together? Apart from that has been away a good bit - Las Vegas last year, weekends away, nights away just this time bothers me envy all his mates that are going have children around the same age, one has his first on the way so it's his lads 'baby moon' hmm

I feel like they should just grow up or something. It's fine swanning around when it's just you and you've no responsibilities but when you have small kids the indulgent sitting by the pool with your mates should take a backseat for a while until the kids are at a more manageable and sleeping now age.

CathFromCooberPedy Wed 24-Aug-16 20:13:22

I agree user. But on MN it's generally considered OK for dh to swan off, even if you're struggling as long as you get a spa day yourself hmm

My dh has been away, but only when I've been 100% OK with it. I did make him take dd1 with him once too smile

user1467393664 Fri 02-Sep-16 13:48:23

Well anyway he went and is away now. Just got a call to say he got so drunk that he fell asleep outside a nightclub, egh hello you're an adult with a family, and got robbed. His phone and expensive watch - which was a wedding present - I saved up for ages were taken.

Please help me remain calm I'm beyond angry with him

phillipp Fri 02-Sep-16 13:52:18

I think You need to remember he was a victim of a crime. Getting drunk isn't a green light to be robbed. Is he ok?

AnyFucker Fri 02-Sep-16 13:52:19

Why remain calm ? I wouldn't. It seems you have children with a man who still considers himself entitled to activities more suited to a single man.

That would make me incandescent angry. But mostly at myself, for putting up with it.

CedricSydneySneer Fri 02-Sep-16 13:57:18

Personally this would annoy me, I think for the most part jollies away can wait until the dc are older.

I'm probably in the minority.

MindSweeper Fri 02-Sep-16 14:02:43

So having a partner and children means you can't go on holiday with your friends and get pissed?

People don't half like boxing their lives off, if you can do it why not? Why make such boundaries just because of this bullshit 'thats for single people' or 'thats for when you're young'.

Me and my DP really do not mind putting in the work to allow the other to go away for a weekend or have a night out (we would do holidays if we could afford it!). We get one life and we're not going to spend it bogging each other down.

And OP aren't you further making it worse for yourself because you're breastfeeding until 'theyre ready to wean themselves'? Arent you just annoyed you've put yourself into a position wherein you have to stay close to the baby for a long time and can't go on holiday, so you're envious of your DP enjoying some freedom? It's understandable if so, but perhaps if thats how you feel you should look into how YOU can get some time away too.

And if that's not what you want, well DH can't win either way can he.

RealityCheque Fri 02-Sep-16 14:04:32

He should have insurance unless he's a complete tool.

Plenty of people here will tell you that he was obviously mugged by a prostitute and insist you see the police report if actually mugged!

user1467393664 Fri 02-Sep-16 14:11:48

We have travel insurance but doubt it covers the cost of the watch. I'm annoyed his friends didn't wonder where he was and look for him.

To the PP I choose to breastfeed and take all the entails I know I'll get a break at some stage. I believe that while the children are so young a trip away in the same country is far better than a long trip away and as I have said he's never stopped from going away.

I could trotted him.

user1467393664 Fri 02-Sep-16 14:15:03


CedricSydneySneer Fri 02-Sep-16 14:15:36

At the same time you have your whole life to do all that.

Children are only young for a small time. The fact is you do have to change when you become a parent, it's not fair to keep burdening your wife with all the hard work.

RestlessTraveller Fri 02-Sep-16 14:15:45

I think YABU, it seems as if you resent him having this time because you CHOOSE not to do it yourself. And now he is a victim of a crime you're incandescent with him?

MindSweeper Fri 02-Sep-16 14:22:31

it's not fair to keep burdening your wife with all the hard work

Presumably he'd take care of the children why she went away, but OP has said that she choses not to go away. Just because she choses not to doesnt mean the partner has to forgo everything. The option is there, he'll take the 'burden', but she doesn't want to.

the 'i dont go on holidays why should you' mentality is crap.

WaitrosePigeon Fri 02-Sep-16 14:24:13

I agree with Restless and Mindsweeper. I think you are a bit jealous but that is understandable.

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