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AIBU to think this is a bit rude....

(20 Posts)
WobbleYourHead Wed 24-Aug-16 15:39:44

DH plays cricket at a local club as do eldest two DC so we spend a lot of time there. Me and DCs tend to go and watch the latter part of the game when DH plays. The thing that's bothering me is some of the players talking in another language to each other (bear with me I'll explain further). All the players were born and brought up in the UK (with the exception of a visiting overseas player who is usually Australian or South African) but some of the players also speak a second language. That in itself doesn't bother me (I wish I was bi/multi lingual) but it's the fact you can be having a conversation in English and they'll suddenly swop language mid conversation to speak to each other. I struggle with the fact that I can't decide if I'm actually being racist in these thoughts (I don't consider myself to be and would challenge others on racist behaviour within our club) or if they are being rude.

TwistNshout Wed 24-Aug-16 15:41:23

YANBU it's rude.

myownprivateidaho Wed 24-Aug-16 15:42:21

It's rude to have a long conversation leaving you out, but not rude to say stuff to each other in their own language in your presence imo.

tinsheddy Wed 24-Aug-16 15:42:24

You're not being racist definitely. It could be interpreted that they are being rude.

Pineappletastic Wed 24-Aug-16 15:44:56

Rude. Would be different if one of them had difficulty with English, but if they're all fluent it's just rude.

Pteranodon Wed 24-Aug-16 15:47:12

Learn some of the language, it's easy now, there are apps and YouTube, and you have regular access to native speakers - awesome! Then you can have your wish and not be monolingual. Learning a second language is good for the brain.

WobbleYourHead Wed 24-Aug-16 15:50:00

myown if it were whole conversations I think it would be less of an issue but quite often it's snippets, as if it's something they don't want you to know/understand. Bits they throw in mid conversation.

WobbleYourHead Wed 24-Aug-16 15:52:22

Pteranodon I don't know what language it is, there are several possibilities. I suppose I could just ask them!

ThoraGruntwhistle Wed 24-Aug-16 15:55:43

If they are suddenly switching in the middle, I'd find that rude too. It would sound very much like they're talking about you or being unpleasant about someone and they don't want you to find out. Like 'pas devant les enfants' sort of thing.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Wed 24-Aug-16 15:59:13

My PIL do this. They do not mean to be rude, they often don't realise they've done it.

zolalola Wed 24-Aug-16 16:00:20

Which language are they speaking?

StillSmallVoice Wed 24-Aug-16 16:01:11

I once shared a house with a girl who was bilingual and she would do this when talking with her family. She explained that sometimes you could express what you wanted to say better in one language rather than the other, and would switch, sometimes in the middle of a sentence.

Perhaps they aren't being deliberately rude. A bit thoughtless, though

Memoires Wed 24-Aug-16 16:13:48

My family do this - I mean cousins, uncles etc. Constantly swapping into French. It is pretty rude really.

dailyfailnotgoodenoughforchips Wed 24-Aug-16 16:16:59

Some people, when they speak the same other language as each other, can genuinely not realise they've switched to the second language and then back around the the first all in the one long sentence.

I've seen it happen with multiple English and Afrikaans speakers. The brain can naturally prefer one language to express a particular something because one language has more useful words for the topic. I have a friend who prefers using Afrikaans to convey BBQing, so accidentally slips into Afrikaans for a few seconds when they hit on that word. I think when you're truely fluent in more than one language your brain can get a bit muddled sometimes.

Don't get me wrong, these people at the cricket club could be doing it on purpose to hide things from you, so that would be extremely rude! But it's not necessarily the only thing this could be.

IloveJudgeJudy Wed 24-Aug-16 16:29:40

I lived in a different country for a few years when I was younger (still adult) and when we were a mixed group it was weird to talk in the second language with your English friends. PPs are correct, sometimes one language is easier to express things in than another. Conversely, the English people would also use the second language words sometimes, even amongst ourselves as it was easier.

I think your cricket club colleagues aren't being rude, just doing whatever is easier for them.

Bahhhhhumbug Wed 24-Aug-16 16:31:04

It's akin to starting whispering behind hands in the middle of a conversation so I can see why you would find it rude but it might be a perfectly innocent reason such as keeping their own language up which they can obviously only do when with others who speak it. I have a cousin lives in Germany and speaks it fluently after twenty years or so of living there and his wife is German so he speaks it all the time. He told me recently that he now sometimes struggles to think of some everyday words in English when he is speaking it to relatives on the phone etc . So maybe it's a 'use it or lose it ' thing or they just really enjoy speaking their first language. Can you not ask them next time they do it if you are involved in the conversation and they do this? Just say 'Excuse me , what was that?' or whatever.

TheOptimisticPessimist Wed 24-Aug-16 16:53:46

If you're mid conversation and they switch then just ask what they said. If you ask with a smile then they should be accommodating and explain.

My DP is bilingual and when he's speaking his other language he'll get stuck and switch to English. He then clarifies for the non-English speakers what he said. Likewise he has family members that revert to their language if they struggle with English, but they always clarify afterwards.

If they are cracking a joke or passing a comment that makes more sense in their language, or if they're doing it without realising because it's easier for them then they shouldn't have an issue explaining that and catching you up on the conversation. If they are making rude comments or deliberately excluding you then they'll struggle to come up with something and look suitably sheepish, at least you'll know!

quasibex Wed 24-Aug-16 17:35:33

It's no more rude than striking up a private conversation in the middle of a group conversation in the commonly used language by the group (in this case English).

The bilinguals I know switch freely between English and non-English when conversing in a group/with each other because it's natural to them. If you ever ask what they've said they always translate (I know it's right because I understand a lot more than I let on...insecurity about my own grasp of the language). Not something I'd dwell on TBH

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers Wed 24-Aug-16 18:15:50

YANBU and it is rude. I'm trilingual and I never find myself switching into the other languages involuntarily, so that defence doesn't work.

WobbleYourHead Wed 24-Aug-16 20:17:45

Zolalola as I said I don't know what language they're speaking (possibly Urdu or Panjabi) but I don't know their ethnic origin, they're from "around here" like everyone else.

DH did ask what one of the lads said a couple of weeks ago but they just ignored him and repeated what he'd just said to another lad who'd just walked up. hmm

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