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Would you split with your OH over this?

(69 Posts)
skiesandpies Wed 24-Aug-16 15:01:10

I'll keep this brief...

DP divorced his wife over 10 years ago. He was making a lot of money back then - she got £1,200,000... he was left with around £200,000. He then paid £85,000 to her in maintenance for 4 years until she got pregnant by her new DH. They have a DD together who was 10 months old when they split.

DP makes no where near as much as 10 years ago but STILL pays EW £2,000 a month in child support plus private school fees for DD (c.£15,000). We rent. She lives mortgage free. We have no DC yet but have been TTC for over a year and are considering IVF.

11 years ago DP had invested in a dodgy scheme where he made £160,000 - he lost all of this profit in the divorce. He has since paid to get out of the scheme after realising it was dodgy and before making more money on it.

Now HMRC are chasing us for a £200,000 tax bill to repay the dodgy profit + interest. I told him to go after EW. He said no. We simply do not have the money and I don't know how we are going to pay this money to HMRC. I work FT but only make £26,000 a year.

I am so upset he won't go after EW that I am considering leaving him. AIBU? WWYD?

ThoraGruntwhistle Wed 24-Aug-16 15:04:37

Is the debt in your name as well, or entirely his responsibility? Because, yes I'd leave him. If your finances are separate and you're not liable for the debt, get out now. Sounds heartless but there we are.

Tabsicle Wed 24-Aug-16 15:06:38

Well, I don't think the amount of maintenance he pays for his DD is relevant here at all, neither is her mortgage, your rent or anything else.

I think the only thing relevant is whether she is legally liable for it, and if she is surely you just inform HMRC and they pursue her. I am, however, not a lawyer. Have you taken legal advice?

Birdsgottafly Wed 24-Aug-16 15:06:56

Why does he have to "go after the EW", rather than sort things out with the IR, properly?

suit2845321oie Wed 24-Aug-16 15:08:34

I agree, the childcare arrangemrnts and maintenance are irrelevant. Is the EW liable? If so he must inform the inland revenue and they will deal with it. If not, then he needs to find a way to pay it.

cannotlogin Wed 24-Aug-16 15:10:02

What has his ex wife got to do with it? Have you seen paperwork relating to the financial split on divorce? I ask because on the face of what you have written, it seems highly unlikely a judge would sign off such a split. Did he retain an enormous pension pot?

Mama1980 Wed 24-Aug-16 15:11:34

She has nothing to do with it as I read it. Maintenance is separate and not touchable by HMRC nor should it be. Neither is she they have been apart a long time he gave her what was agreed and that's that. Where he got the money from isn't her concern. It's his debt.
I wouldn't leave him over this but I would if he didn't sensibly plan to sort it out, proper contact with HMRC debt plan etc. If he's being sensible and owning up to everything, talking to them etc I would support him, he made a mistake.

MrsCampbellBlack Wed 24-Aug-16 15:11:53

I don't really see how any of this is his ex-wife's fault.

Also - you say she got £1.2m and he only got £200k - surely he was still making a pretty decent living and therefore should have been able to save/invest/buy property?

MrsCampbellBlack Wed 24-Aug-16 15:13:36

I also struggle to believe his accountants wouldn't have advised him about the tax implications of his investment.

I think he is spinning you all types of stories about how much he gave ex-wife etc.

skiesandpies Wed 24-Aug-16 15:14:06

Yes I have seen divorce papers and yes he has retained his pension pot.

Debt is in his name only; I have nothing to do with it or his finances. Not sure if EW is liable for it; I'm assuming no if she got it in the divorce?

NancyNamechange Wed 24-Aug-16 15:15:07

The figures don't really add up here - she got 1.2 mill and your husband had £200k?

Canyouforgiveher Wed 24-Aug-16 15:15:32

I wouldn't get involved with someone with that much baggage. I certainly wouldn't have a child with him.

dancinghulagirl Wed 24-Aug-16 15:18:10

he must be making a fair bit to be able to pay

"DP makes no where near as much as 10 years ago but STILL pays EW £2,000 a month in child support plus private school fees for DD (c.£15,000)"

£37k a year?

witsender Wed 24-Aug-16 15:18:34

If he entered the scheme while they were married when he entered the scheme then there may be a conversation to be had, especially if her settlement was based in part on the profit of that scheme.

As his income is very different now he may need to revisit what he pays for regardless of this issue.

ElspethFlashman Wed 24-Aug-16 15:18:34

So you're saying the dodgy money was part of her award in the divorce?

I doubt you would get that back. It would mean redrawing the divorce 10 years later. I don't think many people have had success with that.

cannotlogin Wed 24-Aug-16 15:18:49 need to think in global terms about what he walked away with compared with the ex. You are being somewhat disingenuous, perhaps?

Are you saying she got the profit of the dodgy deal? In other words, your DP declared that money as available as part of the marriage 'pot' and didn't bother about the tax? Or was it declared as £X of which £X tax needs to be paid and the paperwork states that the ex will pay the tax owing?

HuskyLover1 Wed 24-Aug-16 15:26:15

Did he retain an enormous pension pot?

^^ This could well be the reason why she got so much more cash than him, because if he had a huge pension pot and she didn't, she would get cash to even things up.

If he is paying £2000 per month in Child Support, for one child, that is too much. Even someone earning £1 million wouldn't be ordered to pay that. He needs to pay what he has to, and no more. And he's paying for private schools. Why? Why isn't that a split cost between them?

I doubt he can pursue EW for the HMRC bill, what makes you think that he could, if it's his bill?

So he made a £160k profit and didn't declare this to HMRC?

In any case, they can't get blood out of a stone, so I suspect at best they'd look at his income and expenditure and set up a payment plan, if you have no assets for them to go after, like a house.

They cannot come after you for any money. It's not your debt.

I wouldn't leave him if you are otherwise happy. But he needs to stop paying £2k a month and split the school fees!!

CafeCremeMerci Wed 24-Aug-16 15:27:48

Either he's monumentally stupid, you aren't looking at the bigger picture r he's lying to you. You need to work out which first.

cannotlogin Wed 24-Aug-16 15:35:34

But he needs to stop paying £2k a month and split the school fees!!

Depends how that has come about and what he actually earns. If there is an Order for the school fees he can't just stop paying. If the maintenance is court ordered and is more than a year old, he could ask the CMS to take over which, depending on what he earns, could result in a lower payment. The OP has mentioned spousal maintenance so if there is a global order in place, it won't make any difference.

It's not as simple as saying just stop paying although if his income has reduced there may well be a case for taking an existing Order back to court to be considered in light of his reduced circumstances.

Welshrainbow Wed 24-Aug-16 15:39:53

His bad investment, his stupidity in it so it's his responsibility to pay his tax bill, doesn't dound like she is in any way liable and you are being unreasonable to think he should "go after her". That said he is paying an awful lot in child support and if his income is massively different to when the arrangement was drawn up then it needs to be revisited and amended.

Iloveowls2 Wed 24-Aug-16 15:40:44

What sort of dodgey scheme did he invest in to be paying 200k tax on 160k profit? My first port of call would be looking at if there was any come back on the providers of this scheme and if they properly advised of the risks!

Iloveowls2 Wed 24-Aug-16 15:42:47

I'd also be revisiting the maintenance (seems b high for one child) and also looking at the private schooling. Ew should at least be paying half.

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe Wed 24-Aug-16 15:52:12

Why on earth did she walk away with 1.2million and him only 200k? confused

Something doesn't make sense there at all. What aren't you telling us?

WheelofPan Wed 24-Aug-16 15:53:34

So your asking us IF it's right to leave your OH where the only issue is money and who possibly owes what to who. What's love got to do with it?

And by dodgy scheme you mean avoiding tax, you know, which we all pay? And he's been caught with his pants down.

Extremely limited sympathies all round.

expatinscotland Wed 24-Aug-16 15:57:02

I'll never understand women who go out with these 'partners' and complain and moan about the maintenance they pay for their children and blame it all on the ex-wife and then try to procreate with such men. He needs to be the one to pursue revisising the maintenance he pays on his child, not his latest woman. His tax bill is his. He sounds like a bit of an idiot, FWIW.

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