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AIBU about DPs sensitivity *trigger death of pet*

(71 Posts)
YourNewspaperIsShit Wed 24-Aug-16 14:11:24

I have 4 mice one recently contracted a cold like she has done in the past, she's white and seems to pick them up a fair bit. Always pulled back with extra TLC (from me only DP never bothers) anyway she was in her little "mouse hospital" I made getting fluids and food but because I'm ill myself I fell asleep in pain.

When I woke up I asked DP to check on her straight away. She was in the room across the hall, 3yr old DD was in the room next door and he yells "YEAH ITS DEAD". sad

Cue me being heartbroken and equally fuming because DD didn't need to find out like that and neither did I, surely? He says "well she is dead, so I didn't do anything wrong, you asked if it was ok but it's dead".

These are much loved pets and I think finding out in that manner (when she was doing alright when I last saw her) was cruel sad AIBU calling him a heartless prick and having no consideration for that fact my DD was listening. How hard to come in the room and say "sorry she's passed away" or something out of earshot angry

Topsytoo Wed 24-Aug-16 14:13:43

That's vile and I would be seriously fucked off with him!!!!

ifyoulikepinacolada Wed 24-Aug-16 14:16:01

Oh my god that's awful. Yanbu in the slightest. flowers

Crunchymum Wed 24-Aug-16 14:16:57

AIBU calling him a heartless prick

Yes if your DD was in earshot

Pineappletastic Wed 24-Aug-16 14:18:40


'It' - has he always been so dismissive of small furries? DH's attitude to my rats when we were first together was a big part of why we're still together, I couldn't be with someone who didn't at least respect my pets.

YourNewspaperIsShit Wed 24-Aug-16 14:18:52

Don't worry Crunchy I sent it in a text after he stormed off. I did say that it was cruel and unnecessary and heartless (hence the stomping off)

allthecarbs Wed 24-Aug-16 14:19:19

I'm sorry about your mouse sad

That was very insensitive, is he like that with other things? I'm not excusing him but some people can be a little more to the point than others and struggle to soften the way they say things.

BestZebbie Wed 24-Aug-16 14:26:58

It sounds like he doesn't see the mice the same way that you do, hence calling passing in the factual information without seeing a need to 'soften the blow' as he might have done for a human you were close to (or even a dog that had been part of your family for many years). Does he think of mice as second-class, disposable pets that are expected to die without forming great emotional attachment to them because of their short lifespans?

However, I think that YABU to a small extent about letting your 3 year old hear - presumably you were going to have to break the news very shortly once you knew and it sounds as if it wasn't an entirely unexpected death. The directness of the remark is quite good for a young child who isn't totally clear on what death is, better than using euphemisms which may confuse or frighten.

itsmine Wed 24-Aug-16 14:31:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YourNewspaperIsShit Wed 24-Aug-16 14:36:04

Well I'm quite emotionally attached to them and I didn't actually expect her to be dead so it was quite a shock blush I know people don't see mice on the same par as other pets (we have a hamster and DP definitely cares about him much much more) but I'm quite sensitive to death of any kind really and it seemed so harsh to yell it across the hallway shock But I'll accept if people think I'm being a bit U

YourNewspaperIsShit Wed 24-Aug-16 14:38:55

I think I would expect him to at least tell me face to face and say something like "sorry she's died" or "didn't make it" just very blunt to have it barked at me sad

Pineapple Just the mice it seems which I suppose I won't understand because I love them so much. I'd think it was the lifespan situation if it wasn't for how much he loves the hamster.

Niggit Wed 24-Aug-16 14:47:06

YANBU. That was a bit harsh and thoughtless - as you said, he could at least have come into your room and told you face to face.

ParanoidGynodroid Wed 24-Aug-16 15:11:34

YANBU, He should have been more delicate and discreet in his delivery of the news, but I agree with an earlier poster that "passed away" would be a little over the top for a mouse!

SistersOfPercy Wed 24-Aug-16 15:19:30

Passed away ? A mouse?? I get that it shouldn't be infront of dc but 'it's dead' would suffice regarding a mouse for me

I was of that line of thinking myself until DD's Gerbil died in my hands. I sobbed like a baby.
It's not just 'a mouse' it's a much loved pet and the DH was insensitive.

Missgraeme Wed 24-Aug-16 15:23:05

I would be terminating something of his - golf clubs snapped/phone accidently flushed down the loo /and explain oh it's only..... Prick.

QueenJuggler Wed 24-Aug-16 15:29:35

It's a mouse. You are completely overthinking this.

TeaStory Wed 24-Aug-16 15:36:51

YANBU. He may not care, but you do and if he is any kind of 'D'P he should have some empathy.

Toxicity Wed 24-Aug-16 15:37:36

YANBU. It was a loved pet, even if he didn't feel the same way as you, surely he knew you cared deeply for your pet - he could have broke the news to you more gently than he did.

Queenjuggler when people have pets they develop strong attachments to them - surely that is not that hard to understand?

Hope you are ok OP flowers

YourNewspaperIsShit Wed 24-Aug-16 15:41:11

Queen Which I love no less than any other pet that I have blush I know some people don't like them but something still lost its life and I find that very sad

Thank you for your kind words everyone flowers

WhoseBadgerIsThis Wed 24-Aug-16 15:46:56

If this lack on concern for you on this occasion (ie even if he hates mice and all pets, he must still realise you care about them and would be upset) is indicative of what he is like generally, I would start questioning why you are with him.

OhMrBadger Wed 24-Aug-16 15:50:26

Yes pretty cruel of him and a poor show of empathy in front of DC.

I clearly remember my dad's unique way of telling my sister one of her Guinea pigs had died;

DF: how many Guinea pigs have you got, again?
DSis: 2..?
DF: nope.

nightnaff Wed 24-Aug-16 15:53:21


When my pet mouse died I was so inconsolable I had to take the following day off work blush

DixieWishbone Wed 24-Aug-16 15:55:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieWishbone Wed 24-Aug-16 15:56:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itsmine Wed 24-Aug-16 15:59:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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