Talk

Advanced search

To be a bit disappointed with my parents this summer?

(47 Posts)
LumpyMcBentface Wed 24-Aug-16 09:44:16

They are both retired, but still young and fit, and have a car.

I can't currently drive. I have three DC, two teens and a five year old. I live in a village a few miles from them.

They have been out with my sister and her two DC almost every day. FB is full of happy photos of them at parks, museums, various tourist destinations.

Although they have had my older two (separately) on two occasions, they haven't once invited me or ds2 out with them. It's been a long, lonely holidays for various reasons and although we've seen them, it's always been at our instigation.

We've seen the ILs every week and I suspect my mother is a bit sour about it, hence the lack of invitations.

And then she has made a couple of pointed comments about the fact ds2 hasn't done much this summer.

I feel like a bit of a whinging kid, but I'm more than a little bit sad about it.

AIBU to expect more from them?

formerbabe Wed 24-Aug-16 09:48:57

Yanbu. That sounds very hurtful...I'd ask them in a very calm manner why they do this?

Biscetti Wed 24-Aug-16 09:49:01

Perhaps call and say you'd love to have a day out with them, and when could you put it in the diary for?

I might be grasping, but it could be something as simple as their not thinking and would love to if only you'd ask. Iykwim. I know my mum is like that. We'd never bloody speak if I didn't call her. 🙄

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys Wed 24-Aug-16 09:49:28

YANBU. They should make more of an effort with your youngest if they make such an effort with all of the other grandchildren. And you as well if they see so much of your sister. Seems a bit like favouritism to me.

NerrSnerr Wed 24-Aug-16 09:50:56

Have you asked them? Could it be crossed wires and they think you don't want to do anything or they know you wouldn't all fit it one car so it's just easier to go out with your sister's family?

Birdsgottafly Wed 24-Aug-16 09:53:23

Does your Sister actually ask for them to do stuff?

Or does she suggest places that she'd like to go, so they invite themselves?

If your just keeping quite, they may think that you aren't interested in doing things with them.

Do you phone/chat regularly. With your Sister, also?

What sort of relationship so you have generally and what do you answer your Mum with, when she makes comments?

Pagwatch Wed 24-Aug-16 09:55:06

Yes. It's sad. You're allowed to feel sad.
Families are boggling.
I don't understand the dynamics of my own family so can't begin to understand what's going on with yours. The only thing I would say, very loudly, is that it's their choice. Don't blame yourself.
Unless your children are feral then you should look at them and remember your parents are chosing not to be with them - that's how weird their choice is.

Fwiw my mother was irrationally jealous of my mil for years and endlessly imagined slights and thought DH and I always wanted to be with the PIL.

Sirzy Wed 24-Aug-16 09:57:33

Maybe your sister is inviting them to do things?

Have you contacted them to ask if they fancy a trip to x with you all?

LumpyMcBentface Wed 24-Aug-16 10:00:27

We speak most days on the phone but she's always talking about the next place they've booked to go with my sister. We could easily fit in the cars if they're all going, but they never invite me and often it's to places they've bought tickets for.

Perhaps I should have just been more proactive in inviting us along, but I just feel a bit aggrieved that they've never thought to invite us.

Yorkieheaven Wed 24-Aug-16 10:07:16

You need to ask her outright why does t she ever invite you and your kids.

If you don't tell her she won't know. She sounds insensitive and with people like that you just have to be direct.

trafalgargal Wed 24-Aug-16 10:10:13

Have you ever said you'd like to join them .......sounds like your sister is proactive in getting them involved whilst you are sitting back and expecting them to invite you. Like any relationship , the more you put in the more you get out. Your effort compared to your sisters is lower (they probably think you are too busy with your own life and are grateful your sister includes them)

PoohBearsHole Wed 24-Aug-16 10:10:46

tell them. they are your parents too, you don't all always have to do the same things but say you feel sad you haven't seen them as much as dsis.

I'd be hurt like you are.

do they feel the teens don't want to do what the others are doing?

my in laws have had sil DC nearly every day this holidays, bil is currently not working it they've still had them, sil works pt. apparently they can't ever have our DC when dh or I are working as it would mess up their other plans with the other gc. fair enough, but it transpires that they are doing this as sil/bil/gc aren't having a holiday this summer 😱 and we have had one. (a weekend in Dorset, v nice but was a weekend - Saturday/Sunday affair ) I think they just don't like my children 😂

MissBattleaxe Wed 24-Aug-16 10:11:03

I can see how that must feel hurtful to you. Parents can be so hard to figure out!

Do you ever say "we'd like to come to that as well. what time are you going?"

LumpySpacedPrincess Wed 24-Aug-16 10:12:30

You need to ask, directly.

trafalgargal Wed 24-Aug-16 10:12:53

I think you are right when you say you need to be more proactive and open your mouth "That sounds fun .....mind if we join you" once you start doing more they'll realise you do want to be included and aren't lukewarm to the idea.

CodyKing Wed 24-Aug-16 10:14:43

I'd be more assertive - well they are your favourites aren't they?

LumpyMcBentface Wed 24-Aug-16 10:15:05

Funnily enough I did invite myself out with them today, but it's fallen through as my sister is looking after her nephews. So she's coming here instead, which is lovely, but we can't go on the day trip.

QuintessentialShadow Wed 24-Aug-16 10:19:15

I dont understand, why could you not go on the daytrip with your parents?

LumpyMcBentface Wed 24-Aug-16 10:20:22

No room in the car because of the extra children.

diddl Wed 24-Aug-16 10:23:00

I think it's tricky to invite yourself when you can't get yourself there or if they have been invited by your sister.

That said, if you all get on well then asking to come as well shouldn't be a big deal.

Presumably they all fit in one car though & if you went they would have to take another?

citychick Wed 24-Aug-16 10:24:12

Yes, I agree with others who have suggested that maybe they feel your sister needs them more, for whatever reason and you are quite happy doing your own thing.

perhaps you can become more "needy" in a good way, though.

I certainly know that my DB makes a right old song and dance about babysitting for his kids so my parents dance to his merry tune. bloody golden child

When we turn up for holidays (we live abroad atm) unless I almost insist we all go out together, DS and I end up doing stuff on our own or off out with friends.

Families, eh? What a complex lot they can be smile

Good luck

LumpyMcBentface Wed 24-Aug-16 10:25:52

True, but my dad is always happy to drive places so I can't see that that's the issue.

Pagwatch Wed 24-Aug-16 10:26:47

Yes, I agree with diddl. I think it's the car thing.
I think mentally they dismiss outings because they see transport as an issue. Maybe propose something? If they are driving to you could you say 'if you come at X time you, me and ds2 could go to the park/pub lunch/ pool/whatever'

AnchorDownDeepBreath Wed 24-Aug-16 10:28:08

I get the feeling driving might have something to do with this.

Why can't you drive? Is it a long term thing? Could you meet them places anyway, without them needing to pick you up?

It's silly, especially if they've got car space, but some people are strange about giving lifts. Perhaps they think you only want to go with them so that you get a lift and can go somewhere.

Are DS's children closer in age? Having two teens and a five year old must make choosing day trips hard, there's few things that will appeal to them all.

Are you going out on daytrips with the inlaws frequently? Could it be that they think you're doing your day trips with the ILs so they'll do them with your sister?

I'm glad she's coming round today, have a nice day.

LumpyMcBentface Wed 24-Aug-16 10:29:41

We haven't done day trips with the ILs (they don't drive either), they've been here and we've been to the park a couple of times.

I've had my license revoked due to MH stuff. Hopefully not long term, and this was right at the start of the holidays which was GREAT timing.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now