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To feel sad and have lost confidence over this?

(10 Posts)
WarrenFox Tue 23-Aug-16 19:50:23

I start a new job soon, having left my previous job due to basically have been bullied and harassed. A member of senior management took a dislike to me, made my life really difficult and said some really awful things about me (behind my back). A member of my team has been offered the job I'm leaving, and apparently this senior manager has been saying for months that it is this team member who should be doing my job and he is the one who actually knows his stuff etc. Senior manager is know as a bully and has done similar to lots of other people, so not just an issue with me and him.

I am actually satisfied that I was good at my job, and this has been backed up by various colleagues and third parties I have involvement with. But due to this senior management disliking me I have never really had much recognition from senior management in recent times. Apart from I did have a pay rise which started been put in place prior to senior manager starting, so obviously that also backs up that I was doing a good job!

I know that I should just be thinking that he's a complete a twat but despite knowing this on one level I can't help feeling less confident now about moving into a new role in case something similar happens again! I've never had any problems in past jobs, always done a good job and got on fine with management etc. Just feel shaken up now having experienced this negative side of things and worried about ending up in a similar situation. Also feel a bit sad that I'm having to leave my job in these circumstances as do get on really well with 99% of people there.

I do suffer from anxiety anyway, but should I be able to just brush this all aside and move on, and any tips for doing so?

annielouise Tue 23-Aug-16 19:58:08

Not much to say apart from really just go in friendly as normal and do the good job you know you can do. Your ex manager had the problem, not you. You've done really well to move and and get a new job. A lot would have had their confidence destroyed to have been able to do that, so I think you're stronger than you think.

Also, remember you'll be having first day nerves. Like every job move once you've been there a week you'll be part of the furniture. Just get through that first week. I'm really sure you'll be fine. Best of luck. Remember hold your head up as you did nothing wrong. You'll also have learned some lessons on how to deal with this - whether it's nip it in the bud a bit quicker with a frosty stare or sharp word, speaking to HR about your concerns etc. You don't need to stand for bullying.

phillipp Tue 23-Aug-16 20:03:59

I left a job I loved. After I came back from maternity, my department has a new manager who couldn't get her head around me having. To leave at finish time as dh worked evenings/nights.

She piles the work on and on and kept blaming my 'time management' . After a year I left. I was replaced by one of her friends who she was always saying could teach me a thing or two in time management.

3 months after I left my replacement had had enough and they ended up splitting my previous role and giving it to two full time members of staff. I know this as I am still friends with some team members.

It pissed me off that she wouldn't listen that I had too much on. It did knock my confidence . But I felt better knowing she had had to admit it was too much for one person.

I am sorry you have had to deal with this shit too. It's bound to knock you. You just have to concentrate on the future. Not the dicks in your past.

WarrenFox Tue 23-Aug-16 20:12:57

Thank you so much for the kind words, and I'm really sorry to hear about your hard times phillipp, I hope you are in a job you enjoy now. Its so awful the way one person can ruin things and have such a negative effect.

Of course it is normal new job nerves as well, just 10 times worse now I've experienced this. annielouise that's a good point about learning lessons about to deal with this, I've been totally lost with it happening this time really and not known how to react to the manager. I have had great support from one other manager, but it's a weird set up without an effective HR department as such, senior management are a law unto themselves.

The other thing is that I have to work quite closely with him tomorrow, he acts completely normal with me now and I don't know how else to act other than civil but it really sticks in my throat having to actually interact with him in any kind of semi friendly manner! Any tips on how to radiate hated whilst still been professional lol!

phillipp Tue 23-Aug-16 20:14:23

* I hope you are in a job you enjoy now. Its so awful the way one person can ruin things and have such a negative effect.*

I work for myself now. The boss can be a bit stroppy (that's me) but I get along fine. The only other person I work with now is dh! At least I can tell him to piss off and do it himself grin

annielouise Tue 23-Aug-16 20:20:40

Don't talk apart from work related. Keep your voice calm and low and detached. Exude no friendliness whatsoever. If he tries to crack a joke or make conversation wait a few seconds before replying. Reply neutrally. Don't respond if you can. Pull a slight face or slightly roll your eyes if you feel like it. Put together a distainful air as if you've trod in dog shit. Practice that. Perhaps in the new job hold something back until you've got the measure of people. Be friendly but not too familiar. I'm sure you won't. I'm very open and I notice people mistake my niceness for weakness sometimes.

WarrenFox Tue 23-Aug-16 20:28:47

phillipp that sounds ideal, I'm sure you handle the stroppy boss really well! grin

Thanks for the tips annielouise I will be practising tonight, especially the trod on dog shit air! I have to say it did give me satisfaction the other day when he said something completely wrong (work related) and I had to put him right (petty!)

I'm actually really introvert and a bit socially awkward so have to put quite a lot of effort in when I start a new job, so hopefully I do manage friendly but not too familiar, but it does make it quite a daunting prospect at first.

I really appreciate the supportive messages, I'm home alone for a could of weeks so just needed someone to talk to about it.

annielouise Tue 23-Aug-16 21:19:07

smile good luck with the dog shit air. Great that you got a chance to correct him. Anything you can think of saying to him just as you leave on the last day? Something that he won't know how to respond to? I can't think of anything myself. Would you be more direct as in I'd just like to say to you what you did was completely out of order and perhaps you need some management skills for the next person that works for you? The walk out without giving them a chance to reply. Obviously don't if it could affect your new job. Maybe something like you're lucky there's no proper HR here as I'd have been putting in a complaint about your unprofessional attitude towards me.

annielouise Tue 23-Aug-16 21:19:45

"Then walk out" not "The walk out"

WarrenFox Tue 23-Aug-16 21:36:20

I wish I had the confidence to say something like that as I walk out, but don't think I'd dare! I doubt it would effect him anyway as he's one of those incredibly annoying self satisfied people who are impossible to ever bring down a peg. Also, there is a very slight connection to my new job so I
do need to be a bit careful just in case people are talking. I think the dog shit air and eye rolls will have to sustain me, and hopefully some of the things coming together this week that he's been in charge of will go tits up (or is that too nasty blush) I don't like feeling like this but I just want him to get some kind of comeuppance.

I'm also dreading any kind of leaving 'presentation' as will feel do false. There's already been one chance of one from senior management and I was overlooked, and it's been said (not to me) they'll do it for me this week. I was quite upset when I didn't get one, because lots of others did that day so it is just felt really shit, but I actually also don't want one as just feels so awkward and false. I have done things with / had leaving gifts from actual colleagues and would rather just leave it at that. I don't think they will do it anyway though!

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