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AIBU to not want to work my arse off to educate my kids privately

(243 Posts)
MoonStar07 Tue 23-Aug-16 18:32:11

Basically ALL our family DH's and my are educating their kids privately. All paid by the DHs of the family who are sole earners but big earners. Think partners in top firms and consultants. We're not my husband has a good job but is mid career. I doubt by the time our first DC is 7 we can afford private school. I'm a SAHM me and DH got lucky and bought in a very good area during the last recession. We have 3 outstanding primary schools and an outstanding Secondary Acadamy. think it's 80% A-C at GCSE. Now I've been 'told' by a close family member that it's probably worth me putting both my kids in full time childcare and going back to work. Yes I earned a good whack and if I went back we could pay private school fees. Just to pay school fees. I worry my kids will miss out they literally will be the only ones NoT private school educated in our whole family. But we can't afford it unless I work and well I don't see the point we've got bloody good schools! In a bloody good area! Am I AIBU not wanting to go back to work? Should I work to pay the fees? Arghh it's sending me mad.

noblegiraffe Tue 23-Aug-16 18:34:40

Just say 'oh we're so lucky not to have to go private, the schools in our area are brilliant.'

Certainly don't go back to work and decrease your standard of living just because your relatives think you should.

PonderingProsecco Tue 23-Aug-16 18:35:39

Tell them to bugger off!
Education is sorted...

LindyHemming Tue 23-Aug-16 18:36:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

myownprivateidaho Tue 23-Aug-16 18:37:36

Meh do you have a reason to stay at home? It's your choice but if you genuinely think that they'll do better in private education, then enjoying your current sahm lifestyle doesn't seem like a great reason not to do it. If you think that they will do just as well personally and academically in the state sector it doesn't matter. What does your dh think?

MoonStar07 Tue 23-Aug-16 18:37:37

They know that! That's the worst thing! They still think private is best. It's making me feel insecure and that I'm depriving my kids. But I want to be at home with them. I would consider a school hours job but only if that suited the kids. I've been looking into childcare. But I wouldn't make the 25-30k net required to send two kids privately doing a PAYE school hours job (possibly if sales related I might) but still I would have childcare to pay so need a very good salary!

SisterViktorine Tue 23-Aug-16 18:38:10

If you don't go back to work will you be able to afford to provide other opportunities for them- music lessons, the ££££ it costs if they get to a decent level at a sport etc? If so then fair enough if you want to stay at home.

Will you not get bored when they are at school though?

Noonesfool Tue 23-Aug-16 18:39:27

With a secondary getting outcomes like that and a supportive home environment it's highly unlikely that a private school would improve your children's results.
There is also a lot to be said for children going to school locally and building up a strong social network.

GinandJag Tue 23-Aug-16 18:39:41

We all have a choice of schools (or a right to express a preference). Having money simply gives you more choices.

If you are happy with the state options, then fine. However, if you are not happy and want to expand your choices, then do the decent thing and earn as much as you can.

I work so that I can educate my children privately, and I am very glad that I do.

MoonStar07 Tue 23-Aug-16 18:39:43

DH is unsure. It's not so much a SAHM lifestyle I had to quit my job to help my eldest who wasn't well from birth. However eldest DC is okish now. But we have a toddler. DH in an ideal world would want kids educated privately. I said let's see where we are when they're 11 and miss the 7 entry. I don't know, I'm not afraid of working. I used to work 65 hour weeks.

rollonthesummer Tue 23-Aug-16 18:39:50

Of course not-just say no, we're more than happy to use our excellent state schools. Just because someone's suggested it, it doesn't mean you HAVE to do it!

It doesn't warrant headspace.

SisterViktorine Tue 23-Aug-16 18:40:16

Maybe go and visit the Independent schools you would use and the state schools (if they will let you) and then decide.

MoonStar07 Tue 23-Aug-16 18:40:50

The State options are excellent here. But I still think some will pull them out aged 7. Many will send them private aged 11. The academy is excellent but very big. Think 10
Form entry!

HornyTortoise Tue 23-Aug-16 18:40:53

Fuck doing this. Our local schools are fantastic..maybe I would think differently if they were all shitholes, but it seems such a waste of money to pay for private schooling. I would much rather put that money away for if they decide to go to college/uni or something.

ImperialBlether Tue 23-Aug-16 18:41:33

If you have great schools and the children are happy there and have good friends, why should you consider private education? If you do go back to work you can use the money for things like music and sport and travel. There's just no need for private education in your case.

MoonStar07 Tue 23-Aug-16 18:42:29

I will work when they're both at school. Just while we have a toddler. Maybe it's a no brainer once I go back to work once the youngest is in full time education. I couldn't be a SAHM forever it wasn't out of choice. I think we could afford extra curricular

rollonthesummer Tue 23-Aug-16 18:43:02

No way would I work full time to pay for private school if there were good schools locally.

scurryfunge Tue 23-Aug-16 18:44:43

Just tell them that private education does not always equate to a good education. If your local state schools are great then don't fret. When I qualified as a teacher many moons ago, it was those who failed their degrees who went on to teach in the private sector because the state schools wouldn't touch them. If you couldn't cope with demanding children then the private sector suited. Small classes, great facilities and supportive parents are what makes teaching easy in the private sector. Just decide what's best for your child.

NataliaOsipova Tue 23-Aug-16 18:47:59

Don't forget - there are good private schools and very poor private schools, just as there are good and bad state schools. (I know this to my cost!) I wouldn't buy the line that private is always best. What paying (or being prepared to pay) does give you is greater choice - but if you're happy with the local schools, then that choice probably isn't all that valuable for you.

I'll probably get flamed for this, but, on the other side, what being a SAHM gives you is time. And that time can be used to aid your children's education (eg weekends can be spent doing trips/activities that you might not have time for if you were working as you'd have to catch up with household stuff/school holidays are at your disposal and you can plan as many interesting/educational days out as your kids are up for etc etc). You are the only people who can judge the best setup for your family and I wouldn't be pushed into it by family, even if they seem well intentioned.

SisterViktorine Tue 23-Aug-16 18:50:01

Do you actually know anything about your local schools other than their results? You are very sweeping about them being 'fantastic'. What is it that you like about them- what is it about your DC and the schools that makes you think they will be a good fit for each other?

As GinandJag says, money buys you choice. If you could afford school fees then you are in a position to look at all the schools available to you and, with full information, choose the one that you really believe will suit your DC best.

Choose a SCHOOL not a sector.

SomedayBaby Tue 23-Aug-16 18:50:09

Personally I don't see the benefit of sending them to a 'standard' private school, unless of course money is no object. We looked around two preps when ds1 was that age (fairly decent ones, high achieving and all the rest) and they were...nice. Good facilities bla bla...but not worth the money IMO.

He was already at a fantastic primary, with 17 in his class, excellent facilities, massive amount of outdoor space and sports fields and a couple of nice extra curricular things. What it lacked in breadth in extra curricular opportunities we were/are more than able to make up for in evening and weekend activities with the huge amount of cash we saved by not sending him private.

WhooooAmI24601 Tue 23-Aug-16 18:52:40

DH and his family are privately educated and believe quite strongly that it's the only way to educate. I went to a Grammar and flew through GCSE's and A Levels without any pushing, I just loved school.

Our DCs are in our local primary and DH has always saved for them to go to private school from High School onwards. I dug my heels in over primary and will continue to do so over High Schools; both are doing brilliantly at our Outstanding village primary and I see no reason to think they'd do better privately; SIL's DCs are in a private school and aren't thriving (or happy) at all. Plus she has the added onus of robbing Peter to pay Paul each term when fees are due. All to keep up with the rest of the family.

You do what's right for your own family and let others take care of theirs.

MoonStar07 Tue 23-Aug-16 18:57:10

I visited one of the preps when I still worked and eldest was in daycare for a few months thinking that health wouldn't be an issue but it was so I had to leave. The prep was good. Eldest DC is very bright. They said DC1 would thrive. Now at the primary school DC1 does really well: teachers are excellent. DC1 adores them and the teachers adore DC1. We all have a lovely positive relationship.

MoonStar07 Tue 23-Aug-16 18:57:54

The private schools we have available are very good.

MoonStar07 Tue 23-Aug-16 18:58:49

I know the governors at one of senior private schools so hear a lot of what goes on and it is another league but I need to look around the secondary. We are some years away from secondary education.

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