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to need to split them up?

(27 Posts)
bostonkremekrazy Tue 23-Aug-16 15:48:43

i have 4 dc.....4 bedrooms so 2 have to share.

our baby is not legally ours yet (adopted) so must be in a separate bedroom.

2 older ones share. toddler own room. baby own room.

i wake every morning to the older ones arguing, fighting, screaming, chucking things around - it is a horrible way to wake up.

it is driving me insane - before the babe everyone had their own room and morning were more pleasant!

can you help me think outside the box - once babe is legally ours who should go where?

older 2 are one gender, younger 2 are one gender. (so 2 of each - older ones are upper primary/starting secondary, younger 2 age under 3)

i'm afraid toddler will try to pick baby out of cot so they shouldn't share.
older 2 are fighting too much and i think need their space.
we have tried toddler and youngest older 1, but the gender difference worried us a little as time went on.

we think a room divider for the olders won't work as lots of running in and out of rooms even when they were in separate rooms - but maybe would work for the little ones? a partition wall could be built in the biggest room

we know we need a 5 bed house and are waiting till younger older one also starts secondary to make the move - it would be too hard to get to our primary otherwise.

anyone solved this problem or have any ideas i've not thought of?

purplefox Tue 23-Aug-16 15:52:52

Plenty of toddlers/babies share, how would he/she be able to get the baby out of the cot?

musicposy Tue 23-Aug-16 15:56:41

Oldest and baby for a couple of years. The gender difference won't matter as the baby is too young, and a young secondary age child is likely to be a willing helper with a baby rather than an adversary.

My parents had this with 3 of us and 2 bedrooms. I was oldest and went in with baby bro as DSis and I were attempting to murder each other. Once baby bro was a toddler and DSis was also at secondary school, sis and I were able to get on well enough not to kill each other, and though reluctant at times, we coped sharing.

musicposy Tue 23-Aug-16 15:58:57

As an aside, I would explain to oldest that your eventual aim a couple of years down the line is to get own room each, or to put toddler and baby in together, so your young teens have their own space.

Hhmyeahsuremaybe Tue 23-Aug-16 16:04:20

Personally wouldn't suggest eldest and youngest because of bedtimes. The eldest may want to relax in their room in the evenings and would not be able to.

The two youngest should be fine. The 3 year old surely wouldn't be able to get in the cot.

NoCapes Tue 23-Aug-16 16:05:55

I'd put the youngest two in to share, eldest two get their own rooms

sizeofalentil Tue 23-Aug-16 16:08:42

I'd put the youngest two together, but if that doesn't work, could you use room dividers or the partition wall idea?

My parents used a tall cabin bed thing and stair gates as a room divider when I shared with my sister.

Theimpossiblegirl Tue 23-Aug-16 16:14:27

I'd give the eldest their own room. Alternatively, make them all share (youngest 2 together and oldest 2 together) and have a craft/reading room for yourself. smile

Somerville Tue 23-Aug-16 16:17:07

Baby in with you and then sharing with toddler.

MrsDeVere Tue 23-Aug-16 16:20:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OlennasWimple Tue 23-Aug-16 16:20:44

Our DD shared with our DS before the adoption was legally granted. We had to have a spare room to even be considered by SS, but DD turned out to be very little and had never ever slept on her own before, so it was the best thing for everyone for them to be together (DS was very keen too, after years of being an only). Our SW was very relaxed about it, thought it was sensible too.

Are you sure that you have to keep your DD in her own room now? Has your SW been explicit on that?

Kitsandkids Tue 23-Aug-16 16:21:15

Can the baby not go in with you? I'm a foster carer and carers in our authority are allowed children aged under 2 in a cot in their room.

I do hear you about the nightmare of room sharing. My two fc weren't

MrsDeVere Tue 23-Aug-16 16:21:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kitsandkids Tue 23-Aug-16 16:23:11

Sorry, ignore last bit. Phone's going mad

MrsDeVere Tue 23-Aug-16 16:23:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Just5minswithDacre Tue 23-Aug-16 16:26:05

a partition wall could be built in the biggest room

Do that then.

bimbobaggins Tue 23-Aug-16 16:36:12

I would have baby in with you and oldest two with own room.

liz70 Tue 23-Aug-16 16:36:16

Good quality sofa bed in living room for yourself and DH/P. Works for us (three DDs in 3 bed house).

LotisBlue Tue 23-Aug-16 16:39:41

Keep the baby in with you for now, then move them in with the toddler. We have two dc and two bedrooms (including ours), and that's what we're doing.

SoftSheen Tue 23-Aug-16 16:40:17

Put the baby in your room with you until they are 18 months/ 2 ish, then they share with current toddler. Older two can each have their own room.

SirVixofVixHall Tue 23-Aug-16 16:56:06

I'm with Somerville and MrsDeVere. Baby in with you, and then later in with fellow littley. Older two have a room each.

bostonkremekrazy Tue 23-Aug-16 17:01:54

Mrsdevere.....babe sleeps best alone in darkened room. View good sleeper and no concerns regarding attachment thankfully. Light sleeperror though so could not be in with us.

Toddler can climb into and out of cot....so worried that would become a game. And no safety awareness of course.

badg3r Tue 23-Aug-16 17:14:03

How long do you think it will be before the baby and toddler are able to share (i.e. when toddler is old enough not to climb in or baby is old enough to not be in danger)? and how long till they are allowed to?

MrsDeVere Tue 23-Aug-16 17:17:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cel982 Tue 23-Aug-16 17:28:57

I agree with the general consensus here, keeping the youngest two together makes the most sense. Unless you were really stuck for space, it seems a little unfair to put a baby/toddler in with a pre-teen. Babies and toddlers share in thousands of homes across the country, I haven't heard of a spate of "toddler lifting baby out of cot" disaster stories - I'm sure there are ways to keep it safe.

(And, just on another point you raised, a family of six does not 'need' a five-bedroomed house. Sure, it'd be nice, but having a separate room for every child is a luxury, not a necessity. Young children generally love to share, and it's much more 'normal' globally for people to sleep with their family rather than alone. I shared a room with my sister until we were late teens and everyone survived.)

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