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To not give MIL another chance?

(53 Posts)
spaintrotter Tue 23-Aug-16 12:23:20

Long and complicated feud with MIL. Too much to type but basically she is a horrible woman who cut her own mother and family out of her life and did the same with us when dd was born (2 years ago).

SIL recently contacted me and told me how upset MIL is and suggested I get in touch with her to try and talk things over. I didn't want to but I thought I'd be the bigger person and then at least she couldn't say I hadn't tried. I invited her round for a chat and to see dd. She refused and said no thank you, as well as being vile to me. I swore I'd never give her another chance.

I've now received a call from SIL who says that MIL is now reconsidering my offer and is taking time to think about it.

AIBU to tell her to fuck off (not in those exact words) if she calls and says she's changed her mind?

Wishfulmakeupping Tue 23-Aug-16 12:26:11

Yanbu you tried she chucked it back in your face, she's got form for being a bitch what exactly she is going to bring to your dd's life besides drama. I would go nc h

CannotEvenDeal Tue 23-Aug-16 12:26:13

Too late in my book and sil needs to stop being her go-between.

DelicatePreciousThing1 Tue 23-Aug-16 12:26:55

Tell her to forget it. She should not be pandered to.

PotteringAlong Tue 23-Aug-16 12:27:12

Does MiL want this or does SiL want this?

IAmNotAMindReader Tue 23-Aug-16 12:28:51

MIL just seems to enjoy yanking peoples chains then changing her mind.

spaintrotter Tue 23-Aug-16 12:30:49

I think SIL wants it more to be honest. If MIL cared about seeing her granddaughter then she would have tried a long time ago. She's seem her a handful of times in 2 years! Now SIL has said I should invite MIL to dd's birthday party hmm

brodchengretchen Tue 23-Aug-16 12:31:31

All MIL wants is another chance to make your life miserable. SIL is wanting to share the burden of engaging with her with you, which suggests to me it's getting worse, if that's possible.

Justbeingnosey123 Tue 23-Aug-16 12:32:01

i wouldn't hold by breathe for the phone call sounds like SIL may have taken it upon herself to play peacemaker! But no you were the bigger person and tried, she doesn't seem to have changed so I would tell her to jog on if she did try

FannyFifer Tue 23-Aug-16 12:32:30

Why are u having anything to do with this, it's up to your partner to deal with their mother.

You held out the olive branch. It got thrown back at you, enough now, don't get involved in this nonsense.

OliviaStabler Tue 23-Aug-16 12:33:11

YANBU. Tell your SIL you are not interested. You tried last time, she was vile and she has burnt her bridges with you.

It is highly unlikely she has suddenly morphed into a decent person.

bibbitybobbityyhat Tue 23-Aug-16 12:33:34

Why is this all down to you? Where is your dp in all this?

Olddear Tue 23-Aug-16 12:35:21

I gave up with my in-laws years ago. I cannot tell you how lovely it is!

spaintrotter Tue 23-Aug-16 12:35:35

He's already said he doesn't want anything to do with her so I think SIL is thinking I'll be easier to break. She's probably right because I end up being foolish and regretting it later but she's not getting another chance.

Liiinoo Tue 23-Aug-16 12:36:53

If MIL wants to come to you I am sure you would be gracious but I don't see why you should keep running after her.

alphabook Tue 23-Aug-16 12:44:18

YANBU. You gave her a chance and she turned it down.

Champers4Pampers Tue 23-Aug-16 12:46:47

YANB, she's had her chance. Let her stew.

Cherrysoup Tue 23-Aug-16 12:55:10

I think you should tell her to fuck off, frankly. She's been vile to you, what are the chances she'll also be vile to your DD? Stay away.

BeMorePanda Tue 23-Aug-16 12:59:12

pay attention to what your DP wants rather than you SIL or MIL.
It sounds like what you are doing will potentially undermine his relationship with his M further?

LellyMcKelly Tue 23-Aug-16 12:59:49

Tell SIL to butt out. If the MIL wants to talk to you she can do it herself, and you should expect an apology from her.

Fashionablychallenged Tue 23-Aug-16 13:02:18

Your SIL sounds sly smart enough to involve you so she doesn't have to deal with MIL on her own. Tell your SIL to mind her own damn business and not involve you in this nonsense. You don't have to be a pushover.

Stormtreader Tue 23-Aug-16 13:04:59

"MIL is now reconsidering my offer and is taking time to think about it."

Well, how generous of her to be considering your poor and humble offer! What a coincidence that you are also reconsidering your offer and taking time to think about it :D

ZippyNeedsFeeding Tue 23-Aug-16 13:06:40

The first thing I'd stop is communicating through your SIL. If your MIL has something to say, she can say it. Or send a text. Or write a letter or email. Anything really except behaving like a child.

wrigglesandnerves Tue 23-Aug-16 13:13:01

If your partner has said he doesn't want anything to do with his mother and she has done nothing to earn back that respect then I would stay well clear of her. Don't go behind his back and create a rift in your own relationship for someone who has clearly done nothing for her own son. She should have reached out and apologised herself and to her son. Not SIL to you on behalf of when it clearly wasn't how MIL felt.
Tell SIL you appreciate she is doing her best but it is time MIL started the apologies to the right people on her own and of her own accord.

Crazycatladyloz82 Tue 23-Aug-16 13:15:14

YANBU. No is a complete sentence. I have learnt that fuck off is also a complete sentence!

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