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Not to go to a colleague's leavers do?

(17 Posts)
Nothavingfunrightnow Tue 23-Aug-16 09:52:26

We have had a run of various things that we have contributed to at work (colleague's hen do then her wedding, another's birthday etc) and now another colleague's leaving do. The activity costs £20 plus there will be drinks and taxi on top.

I cannot afford it. I will be conspicuous by my absence, though. I suppose at a push I could pay but it will make things difficult.

Please tell me I don't have to go! smile

hotdiggedy Tue 23-Aug-16 10:26:51

How keen on the colleague were you? How much will the taxi cost? Do you have childcare to sort out? Is the activity something you would enjoy?

Nothavingfunrightnow Tue 23-Aug-16 10:35:56

The colleague and I are friendly but not close at all, though I occasionally see her outside of work.

Taxi will be about £15.

No: I would not undertake this activity out of choice.

Childcare would not be a problem.

I am going to make some excuse not to go. That's what I am looking for really - what to tell her I am not going!

Sonders Tue 23-Aug-16 10:39:15

Just say you already have plans that night? Or you've been told by your doctor you can't do that activity? Nobody ever questions health reasons smile

tofutti Tue 23-Aug-16 10:40:51

YANBU. There is no obligation to colleagues. Often people leave and nothing remains of work 'friendships'. Could you use childcare as an excuse?

myownprivateidaho Tue 23-Aug-16 10:41:55

If you genuinely can't afford it then you can't go. It would be more diplomatic to make up an unavoidable clashing commitment than to say it's because of money. If you get a nice card and give heartfelt good wishes at the office that's fine imo.

DanielCraigsUnderpants Tue 23-Aug-16 10:49:50

Well its a leaving do - so you dont have to worry about facing them for the long term at work. If you cant spare the money or just generally dont want to go then you shouldn't. Just be polite and maybe suggest catching up for lunch with him / her another time?

Ladymayormaynot Tue 23-Aug-16 11:40:23

No if you can't afford don't go. The last Christmas works do I went to cost an absolute fortune. £25 ticket, £15 drinks wrist band, -£60 for hotel overnight, £20 for taxis between venue & hotel & dress to wear. All to spend the evening with a group of people who I care not one jot for. Never again, I am done with theses events for good. If colleague is good friend just explain to them the reasons why you can't go & perhaps buy a small present (pot plant?) & card if you are unlikely to see again. If it's someone you will stay in touch with, just fix a date to meet up for coffee etc no need for anything else. If not close friend just say goodbye, no need for anything else, don't fret over this it isn't worth it.

WoburnSands Tue 23-Aug-16 12:04:18

You don't have to go!!

WoburnSands Tue 23-Aug-16 12:06:07

In my experience, you don't get ANY brownie points for going to work 'dos' when you don't want to - and in the long run, the amount etc of work dos you go to has no bearing on popularity. Go with your feelings.

DoreenLethal Tue 23-Aug-16 12:14:24

'Oh gosh no I can't. Have a wonderful time out though.'

Cheby Tue 23-Aug-16 12:58:31

Just have an important thing that comes up that you have to do. I skipped one recently (for a genuine reason that came up last minute) but I was really glad as although I lost my £5 deposit I saved myself the £30 I would have spent while there. Money isn't that tight here but I just would much prefer to spend that on a family day out.

BusStopBetty Tue 23-Aug-16 13:05:24

Honestly, this is exactly the type of event where you should pull the childcare card, even if it isn't an issue.

AlpacaPicnic Tue 23-Aug-16 13:11:56

Activity? There's an activity? Whatever happened to drinks and maybe a curry...?

Skip it with my blessing NotHaving...

Amelie10 Tue 23-Aug-16 13:20:53

Yanbu, be very sorry that you can't make it but you already have plans that you can't back out of.

Nothavingfunrightnow Tue 23-Aug-16 16:09:29

Thank you, everyone!

Ladymayormaynot, that's bloody ridiculous. I know that I will be pissed off with myself if I do land up going for that very reason.

AplacaPicnic, that's part of my objection to going! Why not a drink at a pub, ffs. It is sort of a wine tasting session.

I shall tell the person concerned that Mumsnet has declared that I am not going. Thank fuck for that.

SlinkyVagabond Tue 23-Aug-16 16:16:16

Yeah, bin it. I still regret going to a leaving do (posh place, eye wateringly expensive drinks, zero atmosphere, crap food) instead of going to see what came to be my favourite band when they played an event for free. Never saw or spoke to her again, down at least 50 quid.

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