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not to sponsor cousin

(41 Posts)
Ilovetea82 Tue 23-Aug-16 09:45:41

Phone call from mother
Your cousin is raising money for xx charity (local not widely known and imo a little bit dubious as its fundraising for someone medical treatment) please transfer her £100
Oh and send your uncle a birthday card and present.

Now several years ago I raised over £10k for Macmillan and had zero support from my mothers family, it was for my holiday apparently (I paid the costs associated with the trip myself) I am very much tempted to tell her where to go and that I will make a donation to a mainstream charity instead. AIBU? Also £100 is a lot of money that I can't really afford at the moment and said uncle tends to leave the room if I am there.

DerekSprechenZeDick Tue 23-Aug-16 09:46:41

'Please transfer £100'

'Ha fuck no mum you loon'

Amelie10 Tue 23-Aug-16 09:47:29

Yanbu, tell your mother to do one. What a cheek phoning and telling you what to do with your own money. And to send the uncle too. Does she do this to keep up appearances with family.

Ilovetea82 Tue 23-Aug-16 09:47:38

Drip feeding - it wasn't even to the charity account but to my cousins personal one 'so she can hand over all the money' erm no it sounds like her drinking fund!

BarryTheKestrel Tue 23-Aug-16 09:47:58

No. Its a full sentence. In this situation you are well within your rights to use it.

Missgraeme Tue 23-Aug-16 09:47:58

Assume she meant £1.00 and transfer.

Ilovetea82 Tue 23-Aug-16 09:49:25

No apparently they have been very good to her so I should express my thanks in this way. I'm fed up having to worship them!

liz70 Tue 23-Aug-16 09:49:26

If I'm not mistaken a charity cannot benefit one person or family; it must be a fund or something similar. She's taking the p. Don't feel coerced.

Nocabbageinmyeye Tue 23-Aug-16 09:51:00

How rude is your mother shock "I transferred £5, which is five times more than they gave me" is what I would do/say. To be fair your issue is with your mother here, do you even know if your cousin asked her to ask?

Nocabbageinmyeye Tue 23-Aug-16 09:52:15

Crossed posts sorry, fuck off it is then

MissElizaBennettsBookmark Tue 23-Aug-16 09:52:36


Make a donation to a charity of your choice

Ilovetea82 Tue 23-Aug-16 09:54:17

Cousin more than likely asked as 'ilovetea doesn't like me so I feel uncomfortable asking her myself auntie iloveteamums can you ask her?'

Eeeek686 Tue 23-Aug-16 09:55:11

Leaving aside the ethical issues of who you do or don't donate money to, in what world is your mother living to think it is respectful or even acceptable to tell her non-resident Adult (assuming you Are an adult living in your own home?) Daughter how to spend her time and money?! confused

Does she tell you to make your bed and tidy your room as well?

zolalola Tue 23-Aug-16 09:55:59

No is a complete sentence grin

Eeeek686 Tue 23-Aug-16 09:57:46

Further posts compounding my sentiments..... Does she consider you to be an extension of herself in many other ways?! Bizarre behaviour IMO abs definitely not to be encouraged or pandered to.....

"Thanks for your suggestion Mum, I'll give it some thought and see" grin

LunaLoveg00d Tue 23-Aug-16 10:20:09

Assuming your fundraising was one of those trek up the Andes or cycling through India I'm not surprised people weren't rushing to donate. They are just a way of people getting a glamorous holiday and feeling all virtuous about it.

Having said that, it's not your mums place to start dictating how much you should give.

JudyCoolibar Tue 23-Aug-16 10:21:05

I'd just give around £5 direct to the charity, and if anyone asks about it say I had given a donation direct. Or else ignore the whole thing altogether and if necessary tell your mother that you give to the charities of your choice not according to orders from cousins.

Ilovetea82 Tue 23-Aug-16 10:21:54

There was nothing glamorous at all about the fundraising I did. I was explicit that everything donated would go to the charity and none to fund my 'holiday'

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 23-Aug-16 10:22:16

shock. I Transfer £100. I really can't believe the brass neck TBH. Some people don't even get that a week to live on.
Your mum needs to join the real world.
Give what you want or don't give. It's a gift not a tax summons.

Snort, no. This would be another thing I would ignore. If prompted again, I would say something like "I'll get around to that soon, I'm sure." And then carry on ignoring it.

hotdiggedy Tue 23-Aug-16 10:22:36

The very fact that she is telling you to donate and how much and then telling you to send someone a present would wind me up right away!

Cherylene Tue 23-Aug-16 10:24:41

Reminds me of my DM telling me to organise my brothers and me to buy DSis (32) a set of matching cutlery for Christmas hmm

I would go with the No camp.

trafalgargal Tue 23-Aug-16 10:25:21

If they are good to her then she can donate.
I'd do absolutely nothing .
If Mum asked I'd tell her I'd donated but to the charity direct (eg if it was fund raising for someone with cancer I'd say I'd donated to Marie Curie) but I wouldn't volunteer the info unless asked.

Blinking cheek.

tofutti Tue 23-Aug-16 10:26:44


How much is your mum donating?

And does your uncle give you birthday cards and presents?

idontevencare Tue 23-Aug-16 10:29:02


Tell her you don't support said charity but you will be making an alternative donation in her name. My BIL often does this if the charity tests on animals as it's not something he agrees with so instead donates to a similar charity for the same cause e.g. cancer, who don't test on animals.

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