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To be annoyed that my friend said this to my bf?

(51 Posts)
malificent7 Tue 23-Aug-16 07:40:43

And to be even more annoyed that she told him that behind my back?

Said friend is married but has had affairs in the past with guys who are attached whilst on a 'break' with her man.

I have broken off the friendship for various reasons, namely that she is needy an I don't quite trust her but we have always managed to re-establish contact.

Anyway, been with bf for ages. He's lovely and I couldn't be happier. He is also very open, friendly and will make friends with anyone. I'm more reserved but I love this openness about him.

One day bf and I bumped into said friend and went to pub for a drink. They got on really well but I felt uneasy and a bit 'invisible'. He acted as he normally does open and friendly but she totally ignored me and I was pissed off about this. I felt she was a bit too flirty for my liking.

Anyway, queue a few months down the line and she friend requests him on facebook. He has a lot of female friends and normally I have no problems at all. He is friends with other female mates of mine on fb no problems.
I decided to talk to her about the fact that I felt she was flirty with my man at the pub. Then HE received a message from her saying that she's sorry if we got the wrong impression of her intentions. She was also sorry that I was so jealous. She thinks we are great together and could we all meet up for a couples dinner.
However, she did also text him that she felt a connection with him due to their musical tastes and could he play the guitar for her band.

I am well aware that I am probably overreacting but aibu to think she shouldn't be telling my bloke that she has a connection with him and that she should have texted me first to build bridges and not me etc?
At the same time I feel guilty for being jealous as it's a horrid, detructive emotion. Or should I trust my uneasy gut instinct? He has blocked her etc.

malificent7 Tue 23-Aug-16 07:43:05

It's probably that the word 'connection' means something quite deep to me whereas to her it probably means that have something in common.

malificent7 Tue 23-Aug-16 07:44:38

I have to add that at the same time as she sent my man the apologetic text, she BLOCKED ME on facebook. Later when she realised that he had blocked her she texted to me that I was a jealous twat and that she feels sorry for me, that I am paranoid and that she is a married woman etc.

Thefitfatty Tue 23-Aug-16 07:45:08

Follow your gut on this one. You went NC with her before, do it again. And tell your BF how you feel.

Bit shady on her part...

Thefitfatty Tue 23-Aug-16 07:46:17

Ah, just read your last update. Good he's blocked her, you've been blocked. Ignore the rest. YANBU.

Energumene Tue 23-Aug-16 07:46:23

Not unreasonable. She doesn't sound like your friend, because if she was she wouldn't have cut you out of the conversation in the pub. If he's blocked her, all is good. Do likewise and move on.

Cguk81 Tue 23-Aug-16 07:48:41

Eugh regardless of her intentions towards your bf she sounds like a right horror in all other aspects anyway. Keep her blocked, ignore her texts and tell bf to have nothing to do with her. She sounds like a pretty grim character.

TaterTots Tue 23-Aug-16 07:49:56

Class A bitch. Only without the class. Ditch her for good this time.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Tue 23-Aug-16 07:50:58

Ha! Why would you be friends with her? She called you a twat! She has no respect for you at all. Get some self respect and get rid of her permanently.

miserablesod Tue 23-Aug-16 07:57:53

How did she get his number to text him? I don't have any of my friends husbands/boyfriends number and vice versa. I'm friends with my friends not their partners. Of course we say hello etc if we see each other but thats it.

malificent7 Tue 23-Aug-16 07:58:01

Oh good...it's not just me then. I have texted her and told her that she should be communicating with me regarding couples dinners and to apologise to ME not my man.

Her response? to contact him AGAIN with another facebook account and apologise again to HIM. Again telling him how great we are together and more invitations for couples meals. He has not responded!

Why would she tell him that we are perfect for each other but then then tell him thay have a 'connection'? Bizarre!

malificent7 Tue 23-Aug-16 07:59:32

She didn't get his number, she tracked him down and facebook and sent him messages on that.

I normally don't ask partners to be my friends on facebook .

jimbob1 Tue 23-Aug-16 08:01:44

She sounds a bit nuts. Cut her off.

malificent7 Tue 23-Aug-16 08:03:30

She does have form!

miserablesod Tue 23-Aug-16 08:06:57

Ok. When you said 'text' i assumed you meant text message. Facebook messaging isn't a text. Either way i wouldn't bother with her, wouldn't even send her anymore messages and block her everytime she makes another account to message either of you.

malificent7 Tue 23-Aug-16 08:07:40

The reason why I cut her off originally was that I got a drink in my face at a party from her.
Then when her mum got very ill she came crawling back and I like her mum so.....but we have been very distant until she met my man then it's been invites for couples meals etc.

allnewredfairy Tue 23-Aug-16 08:08:18

I'm a great believer in trustig your gut when it comes to this sort of thing. Keep her blocked and don't enter into anymore communication with her. She can go and cause chaos elsewhere.

shovetheholly Tue 23-Aug-16 08:09:14

I think if my husband behaved as you have, I would think he was a bit paranoid and jealous!! A 'connection' can just mean that you see yourselves as compatible friends, not anything more.

However, I think her reaction in contacting him and calling you jealous is equally drama queeny. I do not understand this social use of blocking on Facebook either. It's a bit childish.

It all sounds a bit like a high school drama, to be honest.

Hereforthebeer Tue 23-Aug-16 08:09:54

If you normally don't feel jealous about your BF having female friends, but you have a bad feeling about this and your bf respects that and has blocked her, you have a great bf, and dont' seem to have a jealousy issue. I wouldn't think any more about it if i were you, definitely say no to a couples dinner though ..

Whocansay Tue 23-Aug-16 08:10:12

She's telling you you're a twat and jealous, and then sending him messages to go out altogether? She's an idiot. Ignore, block and neither of you should respond.

MrsDeVere Tue 23-Aug-16 08:10:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoolCarrie Tue 23-Aug-16 08:12:42

Trust your gut, op! Don't let her back into your lives again, if you happen to meet her in the street, be very cool with her. YANBU at all especially as she has form.

Glamorousglitter Tue 23-Aug-16 08:13:52

Think you re right to go nc, who needs someone messing up their relationship causing trouble, and her contacting your BF also seems a bit off, she s had no friendship with him prior to that day.
However if you trust your BF it shouldn't be a big deal. I d work on that too. He sounds lovely and wishing you both the best

malificent7 Tue 23-Aug-16 08:14:10

Yeah..i do get the jealous and paranoid high school drama thing. THis is why I feel a bit torn...I guess a connection can mean different things to different people. It's just a term that I consider quite special and would only use for those very close to me.
I might say to a friend 'I like your man, I love his music taste. Good choice , your a lucky lady.' I wouldn't text her man and say 'I feel we have a connection due to our musical tastes.' IMO that crosses a line.

I wouldn't say to a friend @I feel I have a connection with your man' as it sounds inappropriate!

TaterTots Tue 23-Aug-16 08:23:26

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it's a marriage-wrecking slut duck.

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