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To say no to this?

(45 Posts)
RhiannonDontGo Mon 22-Aug-16 21:49:33

Dh works Friday and Saturday nights, when his dd and ds stay I watch them on those nights. His ex has asked us to have them stay on a night that would usually not be our night so that she can go out for her birthday. I have already made plans to meet up with an old friend that night. Ds 15 months is staying with my parents that night. Ex won't let them stay on their own until I get home, probably about midnight at latest. Wibu to say no I am not cancelling plans I made months ago or is this what I signed up for?

chicknquack Mon 22-Aug-16 21:50:59

would a babysitter or DH taking time off work be an option?

RhiannonDontGo Mon 22-Aug-16 21:55:26

A babysitter would be an option but it would be her weekend so up to her to sort. Dh can't take time off I am off work sick just now so our income is stretched already and he doesn't get paid for time off at the moment.

PotteringAlong Mon 22-Aug-16 21:57:28

Ywnbu to say no at all! You've already made plans and sorted childcare!

shaggedthruahedgebackwards Mon 22-Aug-16 21:59:28

If its not a night that you would normally have them then I would say very reasonable for your DH to say to his ex 'very sorry but Rhianon is out that night and I am working so you will have sort out alternative childcare'

Cherrysoup Mon 22-Aug-16 22:00:18

Just tell her no. Why should you change plans you've had for ages?

Inertia Mon 22-Aug-16 22:01:04

Absolutely not unreasonable! The children's mum is not being unreasonable to ask whether a swap would work for you, but as you already have plans you can't help- mum needs to organise a babysitter.

Nocabbageinmyeye Mon 22-Aug-16 22:01:33

Nope yanbu, you can take them if she pays but don't put a time restriction on yourself

DoreenLethal Mon 22-Aug-16 22:02:24

I have already made plans to meet up with an old friend that night

So tell her that then. Why does her night out trump yours?

Fianceechickie Mon 22-Aug-16 22:06:20

No yanbu, however I know if my DH was in this situation he'd want me to say I'd have them so he got to spend the time with them even if it was just that they'd be there in the morning. Also cos he wouldn't want to rattle the ex's cage and have her be able to say he'd turned down a night with them sigh

eightbluebirds Mon 22-Aug-16 22:11:21

YANBU. BUT could your OH ask his parents to help or something? If she doesn't make a habit of it it doesn't hurt to be flexible

TaterTots Mon 22-Aug-16 22:13:37

I've long since lost track with all the DS1, DSS2 and DPHIL and ex MIL business. Is it that hard to type?

AnotherUsernameBitesTheDust Mon 22-Aug-16 22:15:15

YANBU. She needs to arrange babysitters of her own.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 22-Aug-16 22:52:40

YANBU. Has your DP asked you to cover the night for him?

RhiannonDontGo Mon 22-Aug-16 23:09:13

He said to her you will need to ask Rhiannon when we were at hers collecting the dsc one day. And I explained no sorry I am out that evening with an old school friend for a catch up

Birdsgottafly Mon 22-Aug-16 23:20:18

You say that he won't let them stay on their own, how old are they and couldn't your Parents help out?

HeddaGarbled Mon 22-Aug-16 23:23:48

You did the right thing and YANBU.

RhiannonDontGo Mon 22-Aug-16 23:24:41

No his ex won't let them stay on their own. They are 10 and 12.
No room at my parents, my mum sleeps downstairs on sofa always has done since she started suffering from a sore neck, my dad has his room, the main bedroom and my ds has his cot in their small spare room.

rollonthesummer Mon 22-Aug-16 23:30:33

That's totally reasonable of you. Is anyone suggesting you aren't being reasonable?

BaronessBomburst Mon 22-Aug-16 23:35:26

Why can't she get a baby sitter?

RhiannonDontGo Mon 22-Aug-16 23:45:53

I think she will Baroness, well she will have to if she wants to go out. But she moaned to Dh that I could go out anytime.. (Erm no I couldn't I have a baby, I get out with friends probably once every three months if that) plus my friend is only home for a fortnight before heading down south to see her dad.

Lilacpink40 Mon 22-Aug-16 23:49:13

You're asked to do something you can't do...say "no".

MiddleClassProblem Mon 22-Aug-16 23:49:32

Er... She could go out on one of her kid free weekends instead, the lemon

Italiangreyhound Tue 23-Aug-16 00:04:08

You did not sign up to be an unpaid babysitter, her night out does not trump yours. You should not be expected to give up your night.

Re "Ex won't let them stay on their own until I get home, probably about midnight at latest." That's totally reasonable of her, the kids should not be there unsupervised if you are out, but it is her job to find a babysitter for them in her own home as it is 'her' night to have them.

Just be nice about it but firm, an old friend pre-arranged. Perfectly reasonable.

AdjustableWench Tue 23-Aug-16 00:13:32

Unless the ex is a child (unlikely) she doesn't need to celebrate on the date of her actual birthday. A nearby weekend should be just as good. I'd say no in these circumstances.

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