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To think DH should want to spend time with us?

(8 Posts)
FTM89 Mon 22-Aug-16 19:11:21

Married nearly a year and a half
3 Dc 5, 2 and 9 months
DH works a lot, usually 6 days a week, sometimes 5. It's getting better as he transferrs from one job to another he's finishing earlier and will eventually have 2 days off consistently. For full disclosure he has PTSD (post traumatic stress no he's not ex services) and while he is pretty much out the other side he does sometimes get relapses or 'just' low mood and anxiety,

My gripe is that I feel like he never wants to spend time with us a family. He's happy sat in the house, he's always in a bit of a mood when he's off or feels Ill every sodding time.
I'm tried of feeling alone. He wasn't like this when oldest dc was young, he was really hands on and took him places and spent time with him. Family time now just feels like me and the kids. If he does come I can tell he doesn't want to be there.
I'm not ignorant to depression, I have suffered from pnd myself but even at my worst I still took the kids out and spent time with them because, well if I didn't no one else would.
Sorry just feeling sorry for myself because he finished early today and didn't want to meet us at the park and went home instead. He helps out with bed and bath time etc so he's not useless just a recluse I guess

puglife15 Mon 22-Aug-16 19:14:16

This would bother me. Even if he is depressed yanbu to want some good quality time together as a family, and more time with your dh at home.

Maybe things will improve once he has more time off - or do you think he works more to avoid life at home?

It sounds tiring for both of you tbh.

PigPigTrotters Mon 22-Aug-16 19:16:13

I can relate with how he's feeling, it's maybe not that he doesn't want to have family time, but that he needs time to recover in order to be able to do family time.
(I say this having sat at home all day whilst DH takes the DC out and probably thinks I'm being lazy and selfish!)

FTM89 Mon 22-Aug-16 19:24:58

Pug honestly I don't know. He says he can't refuse work but I honestly I do think there is an escape element to it. We aren't rich but we've never not been able to afford the bills or food etc.

Pig I wouldn't mind but the event that triggered all this was 10 years ago and we have been together for 8. He's had good spells but the bad always seems to rear its ugly head. He loves his new job, it's a career and an amazing opportunity he never thought he'd get and yet now he's hit a rough patch at a time that should be good

FTM89 Mon 22-Aug-16 19:27:18

Also even when he's off he's spending time doing stuff for work. I'm sat in the car typing this, I don't even want to go in and I feel really tearful. He only wants to go out if it's for a meal. That's not exactly much fun for the kids is it sad

PigPigTrotters Mon 22-Aug-16 19:30:20

Unfortunately I think that's the nature of mental illness.
Not dismissing how difficult it is at all though flowers

Might you be able to come to an arrangement with him that x amount reclusive time = x amount family time?
Is there any pattern to the rough times? Is there anything that improves it?

puglife15 Wed 24-Aug-16 08:19:40

What happens when you talk to him about it?

Madinche1sea Wed 24-Aug-16 09:24:45

OP - could he be feeling inadequate in some way. Not that he actually is, of course, but more about his own self-perception. Maybe you're so competent with the kids and he's out if the house so much, that he feels like an outsider somehow, when he comes home.

My DH has many friends who have suffered from PTSD. I know it's a ongoing battle / many men are never the same again.

I think stress is a huge factor in people becoming withdrawn.

How good is he at talking about his feelings? What was his own relationship with his father like?

Sorry for all the questions. Hope you feel better today flowers

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