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to think his standards are too high

(102 Posts)
hollyonthegreendoor Mon 22-Aug-16 16:30:23

Just bought a house with DH.

He's constantly moaning about cleaning and saying it's messy. I went to the beach with friends yesterday and he went mad because there was sand in the car. After eating washing up has to be done now, that second. It's annoying me and making me feel like I have to be tidying constantly. AIBU?

Shoxfordian Mon 22-Aug-16 16:31:05

If it's such a problem then maybe he should clear it up himself


hollyonthegreendoor Mon 22-Aug-16 16:32:51

Sometimes he does but in this sort of pointed way which seems to suggest I should be doing so as well. We have a cleaner. But it's never enough.

Shoxfordian Mon 22-Aug-16 16:33:59

Does he work and you stay at home? I wonder why he thinks it's your job to clear up

Passive-aggressive cleaning is def not a good look...!

acasualobserver Mon 22-Aug-16 16:34:04

If he wants to clean that's up to him - it's his house too. But make it clear you're not listening to moaning.

hollyonthegreendoor Mon 22-Aug-16 16:37:10

He has a high pressure job so he feels I should take the lion's share of the cleaning and he gets angry if I don't.

hollyonthegreendoor Mon 22-Aug-16 16:38:16

He has a high pressure job so he feels I should take the lion's share of the cleaning and he gets angry if I don't.

LyndaNotLinda Mon 22-Aug-16 16:38:53

Do you work full time too?

cupcakesarah Mon 22-Aug-16 16:39:48

But do you both work full time? If you do, then all the household chores should be split equally

DisneyMillie Mon 22-Aug-16 16:39:52

My DP is the same. I can't remember the last time he lifted a finger to cook, clean or do laundry. It drives me insane!! (Especially since I now have an ultra clingy, sling hating baby who won't sleep anywhere except on me so I can't get anything done 😡)

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed Mon 22-Aug-16 16:40:06

If he finds his job so stressful maybe he should look for a less pressured role.

Stormtreader Mon 22-Aug-16 16:41:14

Its not your job to be the release valve for the pressure of his job. Has he been like this for your whole relationship?

Shoxfordian Mon 22-Aug-16 16:41:27

Do you have a job as well?

Maybe you could ask the cleaner to come more often?

He sounds really unreasonable and it's not OK to pressure you to do more cleaning & be angry if you don't- controlling/manipulative behaviour

Trifleorbust Mon 22-Aug-16 16:42:28

Tell him to clean immediately himself if it bothers him, later if he can bear to wait. Don't tolerate him raging at you about cleaning as if you are his unpaid domestic slave. confused

hollyonthegreendoor Mon 22-Aug-16 16:43:20

I work full time but am currently pregnant and feeling very sick!

Trifleorbust Mon 22-Aug-16 16:49:05

He is bullying you to clean up after him when you're pregnant and working in a full-time job? Has he any idea how unreasonable and nasty that is?

Pineappletastic Mon 22-Aug-16 16:50:43

If leaving washing up annoys him he needs to wash up, or get a dishwasher. I'm all for a fair split of chores, taking into account relative hours of work outside the home and childcare responsibilities, but if one person has very high standards I do feel that it's their own prerogative to meet them, above and beyond the 'normal' level of clean/tidy. I usually stack/unstack the dishwasher because things being in the sink/on the side bugs me and not OH, and because I'm a bit funny about where things go in the cupboards.
Sand in the car I'm on the fence about, we have a car each and he keeps his clean, tidy, and regularly valeted, mine is not as well kept (to the point where he has been known to tidy it for me if we have to use it together), if I messed up his car I'd probably apologise, maybe even get it cleaned it I knew it was something that really would annoy him.
But if it's a shared car and he's just being OTT about some sand I'd point him in the direction of the hoover.

hollyonthegreendoor Mon 22-Aug-16 16:53:08

The problem is he doesn't see his standards as too high. It's annoying me and he says I am too messy and soon we will have a crawling baby so need to get in the habit of putting things away.

Squirmy65ghyg Mon 22-Aug-16 16:53:54

He's hideous. He should be waiting on you hand and foot, you're sick ffs!!

Squirmy65ghyg Mon 22-Aug-16 16:54:27

I bet his mess is okay though isn't it? He can leave what he wants out.

MiaowJario Mon 22-Aug-16 16:55:27

You have deeper issues here- about whether you are equally important in the relationship.

Shoxfordian Mon 22-Aug-16 16:57:16

Also seems like he thinks his job is more important that yours; it's not ok to be subtly or not subtly undermining your wife

Tell him to do it himself in future

NavyandWhite Mon 22-Aug-16 16:57:48

He's sounds like an arse OP.

So what if he has a " high pressure job " doesn't absolve him of doing his fair share.

You work and are pregnant. He needs to remember that.

Trifleorbust Mon 22-Aug-16 16:58:45

I think you are focused on the red herring here - his standards. Is he actually pulling his weight at all?

pennyunwise Mon 22-Aug-16 16:59:42

Didn't you know this about him before you got married?

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