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Am I being precious over room sharing ?

(160 Posts)
AgeofAdaline Mon 22-Aug-16 12:35:42

Name changed as this is very identifying.

I have 2 boys, DS1 is 12 and DS2 is 8. DS2 is autistic, he has a lot of sensory issues, his room is very much his safe/comfort zone.

Everything is colour coded or alphabetised, each toy has a day to be played with, if it's not the day then it can't be touched. He has a set routine when he enters the room or wakes up, things have to be done in order, blanket completely rolled off, then curtains pulled back etc

We have a four bedroom house, although the fourth room is pretty tiny, all it can really fit is a bed and a desk and small wardrobe, we use it as a guest room.

DSis' house is being fumigated because of bed bugs. Exterminators have said that it may take a month.

Her, BIL and their 4 DC, 3, 7, 13 and 15 years old have been staying with us for the past week as they can't afford a hotel and no other family members live close enough to BIL's work and the kids school once they open up again.

We're happy to have them as they would do the same for us, we moved DS1 into the guest bedroom, DH and I then moved into DS1's room leaving DSis and her family to share the biggest room in the house.

But 6 people in one bedroom is proving to be too much, oldest DNephew, the 15 year old has taken to sleeping in the living room.

DSis has asked numerous times, if I can put DS1 in DS2's room freeing up a bed for her eldest or for one of the other children who are currently sleeping on camp beds/mattresses.

I've said no, DS2 is already struggling to cope with so many people in the house, his routine has been massively disrupted, the amount of tears I've had this week has been exhausting, the weather hasn't helped as it's meant everyone has stayed indoors.

She asked again this morning when DS2 woke up at 7am, went down into the living room and started playing with his toy trains, as he's done every Monday throughout the holidays but it woke up DNephew who spent all morning complaining.

DSis then said I was being precious over the room situation. Which I don't think I am, she just doesn't understand how much DS2 struggles.

zolalola Mon 22-Aug-16 12:37:11

YADNBU your sister is being an ungrateful prick!

TaterTots Mon 22-Aug-16 12:38:42

Realistically if she and her family are living with you rent free for a month, you can be as precious as you like.

zolalola Mon 22-Aug-16 12:39:13

^^ that. With bells on

StillStayingClassySanDiego Mon 22-Aug-16 12:40:25

Stick to what is best for your boy.

Funnyface1 Mon 22-Aug-16 12:41:50

You have to put your son first, the change in routine will already be doing him no favours. You are doing them such a gigantic favour and if she can't see that, that's not your problem. If she doesn't like the facilities on offer let her find the money for a hotel, where they would be even more cramped.

hownottofuckup Mon 22-Aug-16 12:42:14

No I agree with you, I think you're doing a very kind thing already but there are some things you just can't do and messing with DS2's routine is one of them. Maybe she could do a quick bit of research on line to get a better understanding of why? Honestly there's a wealth of info out there, she could quickly get an understanding of why you can't do that to him if she wants to.

RoughMagic Mon 22-Aug-16 12:45:26


Your son has a disability and his room is his safe space.

You have been very good to put your sister and her family up for a month, rent free. Asking your DS to give up his room is quite entitled.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 22-Aug-16 12:46:44

You are being precious, but necessarily so. She needs to stop whining.

AgeofAdaline Mon 22-Aug-16 12:47:00

She's normally very understanding of DS2 but the house situation, the money spent fumigating, having to get things ready for schools restarting and the constant complaints from her DC have just eaten away at her usual empathy. I feel bad for saying no, but it's already hard enough for DS2.

andintothefire Mon 22-Aug-16 12:47:24

I think you have been incredibly kind already and should definitely not disrupt your younger son any more.

I think it must be very hard on your older nephew/nieces to be sharing a room with their parents and younger siblings for so long. If I were your DSis I would try to arrange for her older two children to stay elsewhere (eg at their friends' houses) at least for a couple of nights a week.

user1470781451 Mon 22-Aug-16 12:48:08

YANBU at all. My son is 5 and is autistic and no way are you being precious!

You are doing a massively kind thing OP by housing a family of 6 for a month so for your sister to be having a go at you because your son (her own nephew) is already struggling is pretty cheeky! Really if they dont like it they can go elsewhere. I'm sure there are lots of people out there who will put up a family with 4 kids for a month over the summer holidays for nothing hmm

miniplaty Mon 22-Aug-16 12:48:38

YANBU your son comes first. She's a guest and should behave like a guest, ie respect your wishes and if she doesn't like it she should move on

PotteringAlong Mon 22-Aug-16 12:49:01

If it's that hard all sharing a room she can pay to rent a house / for hotel rooms then.

NeedACleverNN Mon 22-Aug-16 12:49:59

I understand she is frustrated

I bet living in close quarters with everyone must be stressful and hearing her children complaining isn't helping

But! Your ds needs to come first. He needs to have that routine. She needs to start showing a bit of understanding

IceRoadDucker Mon 22-Aug-16 12:50:10

Your 'D' sister sounds bloody awful. I'd have snapped long before now and told her to shut up or move out.

harderandharder2breathe Mon 22-Aug-16 12:50:25

If she's not happy they can go stay elsewhere

I'm not autistic but I would find it hard to cope with double the number of people in my house for a month! Your poor DS has had enough disruption already, you're not being precious, he had SN and needs his own space to escape the stress of everything else

Can ds1 share with some of his cousins or is the room too small?

mydietstartsmonday Mon 22-Aug-16 12:51:04

Totally, totally agree with you YANBU. She needs to grow up and be a bit more grateful as well has her 15 year DS.

SecretSpy Mon 22-Aug-16 12:52:23

She wants the MOON ON A STICK.

Yanbu. Your house, the people who live there come first. She's really lucky you're providing accommodation at all I wouldn't

CoraPirbright Mon 22-Aug-16 12:52:58

You are def not being unreasonable. Your ds's needs come first. How about a tent in the garden?

andintothefire Mon 22-Aug-16 12:53:42

OP - just a thought, but is there any way your older son could move into your room on a mattress on the floor at least for a couple of nights?

Zazz101 Mon 22-Aug-16 12:53:56

Can't the 15 year old stay with friends ?

dustarr73 Mon 22-Aug-16 12:55:44

No yanbu but your sister very much is.If she mentions it again,tell her to get a hotel.Then she can have as many rooms as she likes.

She expects her son to come first but not yours with autism.No way i think its time for a discussion and some rules.

GeneralBobbit Mon 22-Aug-16 12:57:47

Surely her home insurance will cover a rental?

Rafflesway Mon 22-Aug-16 12:58:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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