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To not like/love close family/friends' DC?

(28 Posts)
Dozer Mon 22-Aug-16 11:18:37

Kind of a TAAT (theme park trip auntie telling off OP's DC), but more something I've been mulling over after feeling irritable when spending (too much!) time with family and friends this summer.

I spend little time with my nieces and nephews and th DC of formerly close friends due to geographical distance, work pressures, family and relationship issues, health issues etc. When we so see people it's quite intense, eg staying with each other, holiday.

the relationships are quite distant, and I sometimes feel guilty about this, especially when I often don't feel love or even liking for the DC.

I dislike aspects of my friends' DCs' behaviour, stuff that happens frequently, and overall, because of this, find the DC tiring and irritating! And again feel guilty about this!

As a child and even adult I felt I could tell which of my many aunts/uncles liked and disliked me. I guess I want to be a "good auntie" but can't be arsed putting the work in!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Mon 22-Aug-16 11:29:30

I always wonder if the reason why some people don't like other people's children is because. They're not their proof that they can procreate.

Dozer Mon 22-Aug-16 11:31:50

I don't understand that?

Buttfucknowhere Mon 22-Aug-16 11:33:47

I hear you op. I actively dislike lots of other people's children, with the exception of my niece/nephew who I care about, but still find irritating at times. Adore my own obvs grin.

I accept how I feel and put on a good show for the parents benefit.

90daychallenger Mon 22-Aug-16 11:35:43

You can't magic a feeling. If you're non-plussed about someone's kids then you're non-plussed. You can't make yourself like them. If you do force it, it'll be really obvious.

I have many friends with children. I see them quite regularly but try to see my friends when their children aren't around if possible.

I have nieces and nephews. One niece I see once a year. My other niece I've met once and can't really imagine a time when I'll ever see her again. I've never met my nephew and don't see that I ever will.

My family are a bit miffed that I'm not particularly interested but, as I said, you can't magic a feeling.

PJBanana Mon 22-Aug-16 12:19:32

I understand how you feel.

Been with DP for 3 years now, and I love his nephew to bits. I cannot warm to his niece at all though, but not through lack of trying!

VeryBitchyRestingFace Mon 22-Aug-16 12:24:53

I always wonder if the reason why some people don't like other people's children is because. They're not their proof that they can procreate.

Watcha talkin bout, Willis?

VeryBitchyRestingFace Mon 22-Aug-16 12:26:08

I wouldn't worry about it, OP.

It's when you can't abide your own little darlings, the thing becomes a problem. grin

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Mon 22-Aug-16 12:26:41

Willis.???. confused

Lalaloopsyscaresme Mon 22-Aug-16 12:28:37

I cant deal with my best friends two kids shits and it has impacted my relationship with her. But she won't discipline and lets them away with everything including nicking stuff from my kids.
So until they're older I'm afraid playdates are out of the question.

peneleope82 Mon 22-Aug-16 12:28:59

I completely understand. YANBU.

I love my children obviously and definitely like some of my friends' children, maybe even love some of them but I struggle to have any affection for others in the same way I do with some adults. Just because they're children doesn't mean they're all likeable!

peneleope82 Mon 22-Aug-16 12:30:03

I got the reference, Verybitchyrestingface wink

VioletBam Mon 22-Aug-16 12:30:42

Lighthouse the Willis is a reference to the old sitcom Different Strokes.

It means..."What the hell are you talking about?"

And I'd also like clarification on what you said Lighthouse. I didn't follow it either.

TaterTots Mon 22-Aug-16 12:34:15

It seems like sacrilege to some people to dislike any child ('But they're CHIIIIILDREN!!!'). But the reality is there's no reason why you should like every child more than you should every adult.

When I was young my mother had a group of other mums at the school gates who she was friends with. One had a daughter who pretty much everyone in the group thought was the devil child. Essentially they just had to suck it up and accept there would be one brat at any party for the sake of the friendship. (Ironically the mother would constantly gush about how sweet said child was.)

Dozer Mon 22-Aug-16 12:37:01

Glad am not the only one! laloopsyscaresme can also relate to different/incompatible parenting styles affecting adult friendships!

My own DC are angelic, of course!

Zaphodsotherhead Mon 22-Aug-16 13:43:17

To reassure anyone who's worried about the after-effect - I never had a lot of time for my four nieces and nephews. They used to come and stay, en masse, with my brother once a year in summer. Combined with my five they were difficult to handle, noisy, messy, I found them spoiled and whingy and used to be very short and snappy by about day three.

Niece was here the other weekend on a visit and was reminiscing all dewy eyed over the lovely times she and her brothers had spent here in the summer holidays and how they'd always looked forward to coming and what fun all the cousins had had together.

So they never even noticed my bitchy short temper and resentment. Which, now they are all grown up and rather lovely, is good.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys Mon 22-Aug-16 13:44:12

I love my nephews and niece loads.
I really like next door's kids.
Friend's kids are alright in small doses.
People who's children I don't know I tolerate but I don't find them adorable or anything. Sometimes they're far from it! smile
Didn't like ex's niece and nephew very much.

wonderingsoul Mon 22-Aug-16 14:15:58

90day how can you dislike children youv met once or not at all.

But i agree like some adults.. children can rub you up the wrong way.

90daychallenger Mon 22-Aug-16 14:22:31

Wonderingsoul 90day how can you dislike children youv met once or not at all.

I didn't say I disliked them.

Dozer Mon 22-Aug-16 14:23:22

zaphodsotherhead NINE DC in the house for days on end - shudder! Reassuring that your DN has nice memories, differing from yours!

Fanjolena Mon 22-Aug-16 14:44:51

I really dislike my friends child, I'd never let on but he does this incessant whining act in a baby voice when his mum is present and he can't have something/get his own way. I just hate it! He also complains constantly about everything and everyone around him. He's only 6 and I have to keep reminding myself of that fact in order to tolerate him! I'm sure there are things about my own children that rub people the wrong way so I don't worry too much about my feelings towards this child.

Thebrowntrout Mon 22-Aug-16 16:01:53

I had a thread on this topic once smile

Dozer Mon 22-Aug-16 16:06:29

Did it help, thebrowntrout?

insan1tyscartching Mon 22-Aug-16 16:19:29

I find my friend's dc really difficult to like, so much so that when they were tweens and teens I'd avoid visiting if I knew they were home. We parent very differently and I couldn't stand the blatant disrespect they had for her nor how she ran herself ragged pandering to their every whim. It improved when they were adults and away from the house but it's waning again as she had a late addition and history is repeating itself only the latest one makes the older ones look like angels tbh and my friend just laughs at his rudeness and disobedience.

Kit2015 Mon 22-Aug-16 16:24:28

I adore my niece and nephews. My cousins son I just can't get on with. My own? Depends on the day. ;)

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