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To feel left out

(20 Posts)
Catdogcat Sun 21-Aug-16 22:40:34

First post here, not sure if I'm being overly sensitive or have reason to be upset.

I had my first baby eight weeks ago so maybe it's just my lack of sleep making me emotional/grumpy.

I have a younger sister who I'm quite close to but who lives several hours away, a younger half brother and two step siblings.

I found out via Facebook this week that all of the other members of my family have been away for the weekend to a holiday cottage.

I'm quite upset that myself and DC were left out of this family holiday and it wasn't even mentioned to us at all.

AIBU?

gamerchick Sun 21-Aug-16 22:42:03

Would you have gone? The last thing I would expect of someone is that they would want to come on holiday just after giving birth.

NorksAreMessy Sun 21-Aug-16 22:44:01

YANBU At all...the rotten lot

They probably thought 'oh, we won't ask cat dog because she has just had a baby and will be busy' or even...'we don't want to spend time with a baby' shock
BUT

They could have just talked to you.
Miserable bunch

Catdogcat Sun 21-Aug-16 22:50:29

I live driving distance from where they stayed and would've gone down for the day to visit if they didn't want the baby there overnight.

There's generally form for this too, I wasn't invited to Boxing Day lunch last year and was told I should know I could've gone if I wanted to.

Which is quite difficult when nobody tells you there's plans in the first place confused

Drowzeee Sun 21-Aug-16 22:54:13

Do these family members live clear to each other and are you the only one that is several hours away?

Jayfee Sun 21-Aug-16 22:55:16

Oh how insensitive family can be. I got excluded from a family wedding because apparently it was decided that I wouldn't want to drive two hours with a 5 month old baby. I was really upset.

Whoever organised the cottage, especially if space was short, probably decided that you wouldn't mind not going. Your younger sister might have felt awkward about talking to you about it. Enjoy your beautiful baby and get plenty of rest so that things will look rosier.

zolalola Sun 21-Aug-16 22:55:31

Sound like a bunch of inconsiderate arseholes OP YANBU

Catdogcat Sun 21-Aug-16 22:56:11

No, my sister is about four hours away and parent about two hours away so sort of in the middle.

There's also been no falling out that I'm aware of, they are definitely the sort of people who'd tell me if I'd done something to offend everyone.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 21-Aug-16 22:57:23

I doubt you would have gone with a new baby. However it wouldn't have hurt them to at least give you a chance to refuse.
Hormonal and sleep deprived doesn't come into it and I hate it when it's used as an umbrellic excuse for everything. Of course you're pissed off. You have every right to be
Congratulations flowers

TwoKettles Sun 21-Aug-16 22:57:51

I'd have been gutted too. Hug tou you and lovely babba xx

Catdogcat Sun 21-Aug-16 23:04:15

I'm glad other people think it's mean too.

My DH, who never gets mad about anything, thinks I'm overreacting being upset.

Mouikey Mon 22-Aug-16 06:17:10

"There's also been no falling out that I'm aware of, they are definitely the sort of people who'd tell me if I'd done something to offend everyone."

Then why not talk to them about how you feel?

SouthWindsWesterly Mon 22-Aug-16 06:57:22

So they expect you to be a mind reader? That's shit behaviour

Go low contact. See how it pans out. If they treat you like this, give the a few years and your child will notice as well and that's even more heart breaking.

Congratulations on your baby

Lunar1 Mon 22-Aug-16 07:00:12

That's a pretty nasty thong to do!

phillipp Mon 22-Aug-16 07:09:31

Yanbu. But please make sure they didn't mention it too you.

I only say this because I had - similar situation. A few of the women in the family were going away. One relative was asked, when we booked. Her baby would have been 6 weeks and she said no.

We went away, she and her husband called me giving me some abuse (not saying you will abusers anyone) about how selfish we were. I just hung up, I could be arsed arguing. By the time we got home they remembered it had been mentioned and she had been invited. They apologised to one member of the group but not others.

I can only assume in the fog of pregnancy, birth and the new born days their brains were frazzled.

Creampastry Mon 22-Aug-16 08:24:50

They are bloody mean and I would tell them to aid off when they ask to come see the baby. How awful.

biggles50 Mon 22-Aug-16 10:31:32

Am so sorry for you, I've had this stuff from my family in the past and I confronted the ring leader with an email. It was a non confrontational email but I said I'd been racking my brains to find out what I'd done to offend and if I could be told of my misdemeanor then I could put it right. I also said that if ignoring and leaving me out was designed to hurt then they'd done a very good job and I asked for how many more years would I be punished for something I wasn't aware of doing . The person replied with a grovelling email and I have forgiven them but my adult children haven't as they felt left out of family functions. So put it right now if you can to spare you and your family years of pain. Good luck.

Jayfee Mon 22-Aug-16 14:51:04

What I love if you have experienced being left out of celebrations is how you are always invited to funerals. Then when/if you don't go to said funerals, you feel like you have done something wrong. So somebody in the family dies, you haven't seen them for fifteen years (because you were not at the family weddings) but now you should rush to the funeral. Am I missing something here??

blushrush Mon 22-Aug-16 14:57:16

You are not being unreasonable. I'd feel terribly left out if this happened to me.

Can you not ask your sister why no one told you? If you're close, she should be able to be honest with you.

Whatsername17 Mon 22-Aug-16 15:01:22

It's mean. I wouldn't have been able to resist a comment like 'Looks like you've had a lovely time, it's a shame no one told us you'd all be so close by, I'd have popped by for a visit.'

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