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To expect him to feel this way?

(5 Posts)
wildthingswere Sun 21-Aug-16 20:52:04

Today me and DP were having a discussion when I mentioned that when we have sex I often feel like there's no passion. I explained how I mean by this - that while I can tell he fancies me and likes certain parts of my body I never feel like he's ever gone "Wow I love her I want to make love to her".
He was completely confused by me saying this and he said that that's because it's not real and that it only happens in movies. I told him I am certain I get these feelings and have discussed with friends who agree with me. To him, sex and love are completely different things that don't associate.
This hurt me quite a bit but I can't tell if I'm being silly. Am I expecting a movie relationship?
For what it's worth were in quite a serious relationship, live together etc however no kids yet but have been discussed and in every other way we're quite similar. Although this really threw me, it's not that I don't think he loves me, but something just doesn't seem right there.. but I can't suddenly expect him to feel the same way can I!

I am fully prepared to be told I am silly and have created false expectations by watching too many romcoms! blush

Seekingadvice123 Sun 21-Aug-16 20:55:24

What are you actually wanting him to do to make you feel he is passionate about having sex with you?

MariposaUno Sun 21-Aug-16 21:44:26

Thats kind of passion is not just in the movies.

I had what you described and I think possibly you can only have that with someone who is on the same kind of level with you.
Not sure in what sense, spiritually personality but it's mind blowing and not something I'd ever want to live without, since discovering it exists I tell myself I won't settle for he ticks the right boxes but hmeh/ it's not quite right. I'm only going to live once.

Maybe it can only exist in honeymoon period's of relationships as well but I don't know as we didn't get further than that, I've had a few honeymoon relationships and non reached that bar.

You are not silly op.

Lesley1980 Sun 21-Aug-16 22:02:43

It does exist. There are times where I've felt really emotional as the connection during sex is so strong & I just feel a rush of love.

maras2 Sun 21-Aug-16 23:04:06

We've been making love/having sex for 47 years and still feel that overwhelming rush of emotions for much of the time,even when having a quickie.However my best friend and her DH who have been together for as long as us don't feel this at all.They love the mechanics of sex and are well practised in it but don't feel or seem to need that emotional connection despite still being crazy in love.Seems like 'horses for courses' whatever the fuck that means. smile

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